Testimony From Foley's Confirmation Hearing For Ambassador to Dog

This week Foley Monster testified before the Senate’s Animal Relations Committee. President Obama had nominated Foley to be his Ambassador to Dog. Here is partial testimony from the confirmation hearing:

Foley Monster:  I would like to thank the President for this prestigious nomination and look forward to answering your questions. I hope to, as Ambassador to Dog, address many of the issues facing the majority of dogs in this country including breed discrimination, the continued importing of tainted food from China, humans who take up too much of the bed, missed walk times, late feeding times, and fireworks. I am ready to take your questions:

Fawning Liberal Senator Just Happy to be on the Committee:  Miss Monster, I would like to thank you for being here, your skills as a dog are unparalleled, and the President has shown the wisdom of Lincoln and the boldness of Teddy Roosevelt in appointing you.

Foley Monster: Was that a question?

Fawning Liberal Senator Just Happy to be on the Committee: No I just wanted to say I heart you, I heart the President, And hi Mom.

Obstructionist Conservative Senator Speaking With Southern Drawl: Ms. Foley Monster, this committee is not impressed by your fancy dress or tail wagging. We are just one small horse away from a dog and pony show. What I want to ask you is in your liberal, European, Socialist opinion should the country be concerned about climate change?

Foley Monster: Oh yes, very concerned.

Obstructionist Conservative Senator Speaking With Southern Drawl: Why Miss Monster that climate change is nothing but a hoax, a way for the Socialist administration to drive a wedge between American people and their money.

Foley Monster:  With all due respect Obstructionist Conservative Senator Speaking With Southern Drawl just six months ago I was walking around on a very hot day, panting, and thirsty. Now I go outside and the ice cracks my pads, I shiver, and two days ago when I peed I got stuck to the ground. Us dogs hate climate change. We want it 60 degrees and sunny every day and won’t rest until it is.

Angry, Perhaps Senile or Drunk Conservative Senator From the Southwest: FOLEY MONSTER WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO ABOUT CHINA? WE HAVE TO STOP BOWING TO CHINA. WE SHOULD BLOW UP CHINA. GENERAL GAO’S CHICKEN GIVES ME GAS.

Foley Monster: I am not friend of the Chinese. Their food is terrible and dangerous. I know when humans eat Chinese food they need to eat again in an hour, but if dogs eat Chinese food their owners have to buy another dog in an hour.

Angry, Perhaps Senile or Drunk Conservative Senator From the Southwest: I WANT TO BLOW THEM ALL INTO THE SEA!

Foley Monster: Well, that may be a little extreme for my taste but I don’t have a problem bombing the crap out of the dog food factories.

The rest of Foley’s testimony was routine and her nomination seemed certain to be confirmed until this picture surfaced and she had to withdraw from consideration.

Wordless Wenesday

Of Gun and Pitbull Control

As a dog I am always amazed at how the human mind works. Let’s looks at some facts.

Sadly, as both humans and dogs know, on December 14, 2012 a man walked into an elementary school in Sandy Hook New Jersey and killed 26 children and teachers with a Bushmaster rifle which can fire more than 13 rounds per minute.

This was the second most deadly shooting in the United States.  The most deadly shooting was on April 16, 2007 when 32 people at Virginia Tech University.  He used a Walther P22 semi-automatic weapon.

Neither the Walther P22 semi-automatic weapon or the Bushmaster rifle have been banned.

But this isn’t a blog about gun control.  In 2012 23 people were killed by pitbull attacks in the United States. That is three less than were killed in five minutes at the Sandy Hook Elementary school.

I hoped to give you a number of the amount of municipalities that have banned pitbulls but I can’t count that high. What I can give you is a link that shows the number of areas that have banned pitbulls in the country.  http://www.understand-a-bull.com/BSL/Locations/USLocations.htm

Now when humans talk about their right to bear arms they come back to the point that it is not the gun that is responsible for the death but the gun owner. Don’t ban the weapon, punish the owners.

But when it comes to pitbulls that argument is not heard. It is the fault of the dog, not the owner, which is typical because when it comes to humans and dogs, humans always find a way to blame the dogs.

Now I understand this to a point. A pitbull has a brain and a will that a gun does not have. So an argument can be made that the pitbull makes a decision to kill. Conversely there and hundreds of thousands of pitbulls who are loving dogs and would never hurt anyone. No one owns a gun that was made not to fire a bullet. Pitbulls are not weapons, are not designed to kill, they are turned into weapons by their owners, the same way that guns on their own do not kill anyone but needs a human hand holding it to do damage.

Plus pitbulls aren’t weapons of mass destruction. A pitbull cannot kill a bunch of kids in a classroom in a few seconds no matter how twisted it’s owner has made it.  

While the second amendment protects gun owners the rights of dog owners begin with the first line of the constitution which states: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility....”  As any dog owner know nothing insures domestic tranquility like a good dog.

A new Lab, Raja and Piper are our January 27, 2013 Pups of the Week

I am here to talk about three new dogs I have made friends with this week.  All valuable additions to their new homes and all rescues.  

First is a new member of the ever expanding pack that is led by Benjamin. Much to his chagrin a sixth member has been added, which is so large I don’t think they can any longer be referred to as a pack, but should be called the Benji Bunch. One night when the original five went out to do their business Benjamin’s Daddy saw a black lab pup had joined them. The evening before Benjamin’s parents had heard a new dog barking in the neighbors’ yard and figured the folks next door had bought a puppy.  Being a lonely puppy outside all night, and seeing a happy pack next door, the smart little lab decided to try to sneak in as part of Benjamin’s family. Benji’s parents were too good at counting not to notice a new dog bounding into the house, but did allow the pup to spend the night. The next morning Benji’s Mom called the neighbors who told her they had lost a pup. He had been a gift for their toddler, and they didn’t want a dog, so they were going to give it away or “get rid of it.”  Benji’s Mom said she would take the dog and find him a good home.  But I think the pup has a good home already, right with Benji and his pack, and, with six you get eggroll so it works out for everyone.

This runaway lab was not the only labrador to find a new home this week.  Our three chocolate lab friends from the west coast, Reba, Dodger and Logan put to test the saying that if you go black you never go back by getting an all black lab to join their previously all chocolate family.  This dog, who is named Raja, had been surrendered to a shelter on a Tuesday, (her parents were moving and could not take her with them) had her precious ovaries removed on a Wednesday, went to a Petco Unleashed adoption on a Saturday and by the end of that day was in the West Coast Labrador Castle.  There was some drama as Raja became accustomed to her siblings and them to her but soon a pecking order had been established and now the Chocolate Lab Pack is the Chocolate Lab Pack plus one.

Finally, if you follow this blog, you read the sad story of our good friend Ginger Dash who got under her fence, went away from her house, and has not been seen since.  We pray for her to return everyday.  While no do can ever replace Ginger a new pup has become part of her pack.  Her name is Piper and she also is a rescue.   She was in a foster home before she was given the Ok to move in with her sister Gypsy Dawn and her new Mom.  Piper took to her new home very quickly. She even got to sleep in the big bed with her Mom the first night which is very rare for a dog’s opening night.  While she knows she will not replace Ginger she will create new love and new memories with her new Mom.  And she will be another dog nose in the air trying to sniff out her big sister so she will come home.  She got along wonderfully with her Gypsy her first night. Her cat sister Koko proved to be harder to win over but I am sure Piper will do so.   And she will help heal her Mom’s heart until Ginger returns.

So here are to three new friends, three rescues, who are all rescuing their new Moms and families. 

Blind Tosses

In the mornings Mommy takes her shower first. While she is doing so Daddy takes us out, cleans up after us, gives us our treats, looks through the paper, starts Mommy’s tea, and then  goes on his computer to check out news. (Mommy takes a long shower.) Daddy put the computer on the floor and I bring him my red ball. And then Daddy throws it without taking his eyes off the computer screen. The idea is that I will run after the ball, retrieve it, run back with it, and drop it by Daddy to be thrown again. But Daddy, while never looking, has the ability to make impossible shots he could never make if he was attempting to do it.

There is a small, thin hutch in a corner of the kitchen. The space between the hutch and the wall is slightly wider than the width of the ball. It would take an expert bowler ten tries to get it behind the hutch. Daddy, while blindly throwing the ball ten times, can get it behind the hutch three.

Then there are Mommy’s shoes. She leaves them by the front door. To get the ball in the shoe Daddy has to hit the chair in the dining room chair on the back right leg, have it bounce off the right spot to hit the outside corner of the door frame which will make it dive towards the closet door where it nestles inside Mommy’s shoe. When I run to Daddy barking that I have lost the ball, he crawls on all fours to look for it, and he always says the same thing: “How the hell did that happen?”  It happens once out of 40 times.

Then there is what we like to call the hole in one. It is a blind shot that bounces into our water dish. I like this very much because the water splashes up in the air like a fountain. Mommy doesn’t like it because she has to wipe the water off the floor. She has a hard time dealing with three kids in her house, Foley, me, and Daddy Minion.

When the ball goes into the water dish I have to bark at Daddy to get it out. Even with my tiny mouth I can’t open my jaws wide enough to pick up the ball. Daddy comes crawling over and takes the ball out of the dish. He is supposed to dry the ball because when he throws it when it is wet it sprays water into the air. But he forgets and then he bounces it and water flies off it as pretty as dew off a butterfly’s wings. Then it splatters on the wall and gets Mommy mad. Daddy puts the ball in the dish one out of ten times.

I don’t get mad at Daddy when he throws the ball to a spot that is inaccessible but I wish that worked for both of us. When I bring the ball into the bedroom put it on the ground and nose it right under the bureau I don’t get credit for it. Tiger Woods couldn’t do that with the accuracy that I do but Daddy still asks “Pocket how did you do that?” At least I have the class not to ask him how he got the ball in Mommy’s shoes.

It is a fact of life: Dogs are much more polite and understanding than humans.

Wordless Wednesday

Tommy Tunes is out January 20, 2013 Pup of the Week

I have enjoyed this week very much. While there have been pups and Moms in need   of prayer nothing has happened that has made our eyes wet or was too difficult to read.

I like to recognize a special dog each week and usually it is because they are ill or have gone to the Bridge. But this week there is no one to recognize. Which really just thrills me and leaves me with one small problem. I don’t have anyone to write about as pup of the week. And I am happy about this, really, but I sit here, moving my paws over the keyboard, having to write my Sunday blog.

There are so many dogs with great parents who do transports, rescues, fostering, or alert us about what we need to know. But we have recognized them all recently and don’t want to favor one over the others.

And then it hit me. It was Pocket smacking me upside the head. She whispered in my ear. I said I thought that was a wonderful but we usually recognize Tanner Brigade members and despite several requests to join this pup has made his home happily at DS.  Then Pocket reminded me that everyone on the Tanner Brigade loves this dog. At first I was stunned that Pocket was right twice in the same day then I decided to do as she said.

This dog is what everyone would call their first friend, because I think, if you asked a random dog who was their first friend in social networking they would name him. This dog is someone who, like I, is always ready to comfort a parent who has lost a pup, and to do something to honor the pup. He does it through pictures while I do it through words.

Of course you all know by now, because you are very smart, and his picture is at the top of the blog, and his name on the blog title, that I am talking about Tommy Tunes.

We don’t often salute friends simply for being wonderful. But today we do that for Tommy. No one makes us smile as regularly as he does. His videos are absolutely brilliant. While our parents all put words in our mouths he lets us see words come out of our mouths.

And his artwork is breathtaking. Everyone looks forward to his weekly blogs where he takes our mundane pictures and turns them into works of art. You can see this week’s here. http://www.doggyspace.com/journal/88033 We have one that he did of Pocket and I over our TV. If parents put something over the TV that means they must love it because that’s where their eyes go. And Tommy and his Dad sent it to us, at great expense to them, for no reason outside of that they are perfect.

Also, after our friend Gina passed, Tommy and his Dad opened up his heart and home to Freddie Girl giving her a great new life.

Tommy is a great friend in every meaning of the word. He is understanding, kind, compassionate, empathic, funny, loyal, everyone’s best friend. So, after a good week with no one heading to the Bridge it is time to recognize one of the best of us.

Thank you Tommy for doing everything you do for everyone..