Poetry Thursday

 

This week's inspiration from the Two Spoiled 

Jimmy was playing on the floor

When he stood to make a diaper pee

Then looked up at the closed door

And thought ‘’there is a kid who looks just like me.     

They studied one another in great interest

The boys stood simultaneously

And moved without a difference

Both studying the boy who looks just like me

Jimmy pointed at the baby who pointed back

Then they touched their knees

They lifted their shirt to show their tiny six packs

One belonging to the boy who looked just like me

A head turn to the right

And hold i for a count of three

Jimmy was impressed with how bright

Was the boy who looked just like me

Sit down, sit up, spin around

They pretended to ride a pony

Jimmy threw himself on the ground

And so did the boy who looked just like me

Jimmy’s mom opened the door
And Jimmy shouted with glee

But suddenly across the floor

Went the boy who looked just like me

Jimmy stood his mouth open in shock

As he mommy picked up then boy who looked like me

His mom looked at him, and began to talk

Saying ‘’Why do you keep forgetting your twin brother Timmy?’’

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Private Smith checked his watch. If Corporal Cupcake didn't climax soon Private Smith wouldn't have time to plow that bitch before they disembarked 

Monday Question

 Do your parents ever act like a dog or cat to play with you, and do they ever bark or meow to see your reaction

Ruby's Answer: My dad will get down on all fours and play pounce with me. We both get our heads near the floor, and butts up in the air, and then I pounce and lick his face.

Sometimes he barks, but he doesn't know what he is barking about.

Foley's Tails From Rainbow Bridge: How Tariffs Effect Dogs

It has been a hard winter, and as we enter the third year of the second Trump term, we all could all use answers.

(Pocket’s editor note: After she wrote this I informed Foley that Trump has been President for less than a month, which was quite shocking, since I am immortal and have aged five years since January 20.)

So. to help combat this stress. I, Foley T Monster has found my AsK Aunt Foley hat, and am here to answer your question to ease your minds.

So let’s open the old mailbag.

As always, these are fake letters from real dogs.

‘’How will tariffs affect dogs?’’

• Professor Peabody. Bell Labs.

Dear Professor Peabody: First, let me say I am relieved that the tariffs implemented against Mexico and Canada have been removed thanks to the brilliance of President Trump, or the buffonary of President Trump, depending on which channel you watch. Humans have a difficult time with the truth. Dogs have a much easier way of finding the truth, by  using our nose, although it would take days to fully sniff and judge the President. You can’t see the entire Grand Canyon in one viewing. 

Anyhow, I am glad I don’t have to pay extra whenever a Canadian grease poops in my yard or a Chihuahua leaves me a pee mail. 

But that still leaves China.

That is the country that every dog food company swears that they don’t get any food from, and now have to decide if they should try to hide it and take a loss, or raise the prices anyway and blames it on delays on the Panama Canal which will be another country we have a showdown with. We also are taking over the Gaza Strip. Our foreign policy is being run by an ADD afflicted kid on the spectrum and a spastic colon. 

The good news is I don’t think any of our favorite foods, or treats are going up in price.

But if you love Kong toys, or others you are in a bit of trouble  snce the majority of pet toys are made in China. That country can make things the American Way, overpriced and highly destructable.

On Saturday, in a local store, two parents were talking, with their dogs on their leash, when suddenly one bit then other in the nose and held of for maybe 30 seconds. The victim was a little bloody but unhurt.

Then it was noticed the dog had a Trump leash.

The attacker must have been upset about his Kong going up in price.

I am thinking tarrifs are not all their hyped up to be.

The Ruby Rose Report: The Night time is the right time for pig snouts

I read the exciting adventures my friends have, car trips, dog shows, train rides, running on the beach, dashing through the snow, or laying before a roaring fire. Meanwhile, I am either on the back of the couch, a lap, or my mat, where I chew on my toys, for about 20 minutes, before I start looking for a warm lap or a soft piece of furniture. 

But, when bedtime comes, and I am put on the big bed, it is time to work off that pent up energy. I charge around tbe bed, I get scratches and rubs, I build little walls with the blankets so I can play fort, and mostly, I chew.

I have become in a year and a half a bone connoisseur.

When I arrived here, many moons and pounds ago, I would chew anything, if it was made for a dog or not, but, being a dog of great intelligence, I learned quickly what was cute and what was tragic.

All humans, when they begin drinking alcohol, but the skankiest stiff, which is made to make people want to never drink again, but never does. 

We  dogs start out chewing plastic bones which are tasteless, and flaky. Like cheap beer they are made to decrease the desire to chew, but dogs like me persevere.

 

I love my Mom she is my heart human, but if she was my bone connection I would still be chewing plastic, but, because of my mom’s lack of mobility, Dad does the shopping, which works for me doubly: One - I get to spend more time on my Mommy’s soft lap, which I have broken in to perfection; and Two -my Dad wants me to have the best bed chews, because he likes to watch me, and knows if I don’t have a bone I sit on his chest and licks him until I either get to the chocolate inside or pass o

I now consider myself a bone connoisseur and I owe it to me Dad who, like Mikey’s evil brothers from the Life commercial, gives me something to eat I don’t let them down.

I have chewed on kangaroo, collagen, and dish fish skins They must be small, but not too small so I can choke on it. They must not be too easy to chew so I don’t eat them but not too tough so I lose interest.

I have settled on pig feet, ears and snouts as my favorite. I get them for a half hour every night. I could stay all night chewing but my selfish parents want to go to sleep. 

I roll around on the bed, build my forts, climb on top of Mommy for a preventive breast exam, and finally go to sleep, where I have the same dream.

I am being chased by an angry pig with no ears, feet or snout.

Poetry Thursday

This week's inspiration from the Two Spoiled Cats

Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy

And they were each assigned duties that were not gnarly

But now they live with me in a hospice

My name is Charlie

There is Sabrina, the smartest at 102

She used to do jujitsu, karate and defeat any attacker with ease

Now it takes her four cups of coffee

Just to cut the cheese

Then there is Jill the sexy one

Every man dreamed of taking her to their place

But she was one step ahead always getting her man

Now her breasts hang down to her waist

Kelly was brave, always putting her life on the line

She escaped so many traps her lives were much more than nine

Some say her mind was slipping no longer sharp

But her confusion came from her habit of drinking four bottles of wine

They still wear their bikinis, swim suit, and short dresses

They strap on their high heels and strut down the hall

They still act like the did in their twenties

Except for when they break their hip in a high heel caused fall

They still can’t help but flirt

And use their feminine wiles

But their seduction is not appreciated

As they uncomfortably move trying to ease their piles

They were once young, brave, and strong

They got by using their wits

Now they are a constant cause of complaint

When they flash the lunch staff their tits