Beat This Caption

 

While people remained skeptical of the self driving car the self walking dog was a big hit

Monday Question

 Do you stare at your parents for no reason and what do they do when you’re doing it?

I stare at them and they laugh at me. It would be very emasculating if I was ever emasculated. 

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

A young man wanted to buy a pair of expensive gloves for his sweetheart's birthday. He went to an expensive boutique, bought the finest gloves available, and asked the saleswoman to have them delivered along with a note he had written. Unfortunately, the clerk mixed up the order while wrapping the merchandise. Instead of the expensive gloves, the clerk accidentally wrapped a pair of panties and sent them to the young man's sweetheart along with the following note which he had written.

Darling: 
I have been trying desperately to come up with a special gift for your birthday. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but since your sister wears the short ones which are so easy to remove, I wanted to get the same style for you.

Two drunken Irishmen in a graveyard.

Paddy starts reading the gravestones.

"Mick" he says;

Would you look at this, a feller here who was 90 when he died!"

"Who's that?" says Mick.

"Somebody called O'Toole from Kerry," he replies.

Mick says, "Never mind him, there's a feller here called Murphy, was 99 when he died! From Castletown of all places!

"Well thats nothing!" says Paddy.

"What about what written on this feller's stone, here right beside the gate!"

"The stone says 147!" 

"147? thats amazing!" says Mick.

"Who was he?"

"Well according to the stone, its somebody called Miles to Dublin

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away.

The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.

She asked her why she was crying this time.

The blonde said, "I just got off of the phone with my sister. Her mother died too”

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. My fill ins are in capitals

WAITING FOR MY PARENTS TO PUT ON THEIR COATS, THEIR SWEATERS, THEIR HATS BEFORE THE GO OUT is my biggest time waste BECAUSE I DON’T GET DRESSED UP TO GO OUT ON A COLD DAY. I AM A BAD ASS.

I am allergic to LISTENING.

ME BEING ALL BARK AND NO BITE heavily influences MY ABILITY TO RULE MY BUILDING.

I like to diy EVERYTHING. I AM A DOG. CONTRACTORS DON’T RETURN  MY CALLS. AND I DON’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS SO I COULD USE THE HELP.

Poetry Thursday

    

 My friends Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetatonhave provided the picture below to inspire our poetry

As she did every morning Elena gazed in the mirror

Given her beauty it did cheer her

And just when her reflection appeared clearer

When suddenly things grew queerer

x

Instead of seeing her own reflection

She saw something that caused her rejection

Before her was an old lady with a pale complexion

And none of Elena’s perfection

X

”What are you doing in my mirror?” Elena asked aloud

It answered ”Don’t you recognize me? I am old but proud.”

Then the answer came to her but left her unbowed

The old lady was her, just not as endowed

X

Elena asked the old lady why she appeared

And it was as the young woman had feared

She began “never to a man revere

Being alone you can persevere”

X

There is nothing wrong with being alone

Neither as a young beauty or an old crone

For only one who puts you first in all things will be the one your heart owns

But you must wait because to you this man in unbeknown

X

Throughout her single life Elena never forgot the monologue

With no human to carry on a life long dialogue

She realized as so as her senior self disappeared into I the mirror’s fog

That the one she was describing could only be a dog

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Hi Bob. Guess what? While you were at work I slept with your wife. I slept with her on the couch and the recliner. And, I am going to sleep with your wife every day for the next 18 years. So suck on that Bob