Monday Question

 What do you do that most make your parents feel loved?

Ir is the sad look I give them when I want them to sit with me. 

Sunday Funnies

 

Three couples are trying to get married at the same church. There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.
 

"If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest.
 

One month later the three couples return to the church and talk to the priest. He then asks the elderly couple, "Have you completed the month with sex?"
 

"Yes we have, it was easy," replies the elderly couple.

"How about you?" He asks the middle-aged couple.

"It was hard, but we didn't have sex for the whole month," they respond.
 

"And how about you two?" He asks the young couple.

 "No we couldn't do it," responds the boyfriend.

 "Tell me why," says the priest.

"Well my girlfriend had a can of corn in her hand and she accidentally dropped it. She bent over to pick it up and that's when it happened."

The priest then tells them, "You're not welcome in my church."

"We're not welcome in the supermarket either," says the boyfriend

 A  husband was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of the head with a huge frying pan.

"What the heck was that for!" he asked.

She replies, "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it..."

"Oh, dear, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Well, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I placed a bet on."

The explanation seems to appease her, and she leaves the room to go about her business.

Three days later, the man is again sitting in his chair reading the morning paper. His wife abruptly hangs up the telephone and then whacks him on the back of the head with the huge frying pan.

"What the heck did I do wrong this time!" he asked.

She answered, "Your horse just called!"

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviouslyupset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer. "Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonnahave to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my 'ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flickingher tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing wentand kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out fromunderneath me!

But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall.Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."

And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you.

Friendly Friday Fill-Ins

 Let’s ring in the new year with FriendlyFriday Fill Ins. There are four statements: the first two statements are written by 15AndMeowing, and the final two are done  by  Four-Legged Furballs. Please check them out.  Here are this week's statements with my fill ins are in Bold

1. Staying in bed as long as possible like Jack and Rose on the Titanic, but with more ferocity, is a New Year’s tradition for me.

2. The bacon that comes in a bag from the supermarket, is not the sane ask the bacon that is put on hamburgers in the supermarket.

3, I would pick Run the world (Girls) as my theme song for 2026’

4. I am a coward at running up to another dog but brave at running up behind them. 

Poetry Thursday

 

 

 

My friend who is one spoiled cat gave me the picture below for the Thursday Poetry blog

For the first time in his life Bob was invited to a New Year’s Eve party

He was overly talkative, annoying and farty

But Sue, had a moment of lost clarity

And invited him despite the possible calamity

*

“He stares at me all day,” Mary said

Sue confirmed that he was only interested in getting her into bed

Wendy commented that his personal file showed evidence he was inbred

When Mary answered she wanted to give him a chance and Lucinda worried before the New Year they would be dead

**

Bob bought a new shirt and pants

Hi Karate cologne recommended by his two aunts

And to make sure someone would his greatest desire grant

He put in his pants a large egg plant

***

Bob made sure he showed up early

And thanks to pre drinking a little curly

He sat on the couch with his eggplant erect waiting for a willing girlie

But grew bored, turned on Pluto and watched Laverne and Shirley.

****

By 8:00 o’clock the revelers began moving in

And the party begin

Bon quickly downed four tonic and gins

And partied until the room began to spin

******

Bob woke up on Sue’s couch with a hangover

And stumbled home crushing Sue’s bed of clover

Until morning he stayed under his cover

And in the morning he hurried to work so his New Year’s exploits could be discovered

*******

He found Sue at her desk looking cute and perky

And asked about his wild exploits his memory being murky

She said everyone had a great time at the party

Despite his passing out for good at 8:30

Beat Thia Caption

 

King of Kings?

Star of Bethlehem?

Virgin birth?

Not impressed 

Monday Question

 What New Year’s Resolution would you make for your parents that they have to keep?

I want my humans to have part of their bodies touching me when I require them to do so. It makes me feel safe. But I don’t want it all the time. Humans are too hot, and they make sound and emit smells not found in nature.

Sunday Funnies

 

Cop pulls over a car with a couple in it.

"What's the problem officer?"

"Sir, you were going 68 in a 50-zone."

"What, that's ridiculous! I did no such thing!"

"Sir, I caught you with my radar gun, and it's always accurate, but I’ll give you some leeway and reduce it to 62.

"Well, not this time, asshole. I know I was doing 54! I'll take it to court, you son of a bitch!" The cop hands the man the ticket, and he rips it up.

"Sir, I'm going to have to insist you calm down, or I'll put you under arrest."

Suddenly, the wife interjects, "Mister, I wouldn't push it. There's no use arguing with him when he's drunk."

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"