Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

A dumb man went ice fishing. He'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, he made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning his comfy stool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the dumb man moved further down the ice, swigged down a beer, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The dumb man, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, swigged down another beer, and tried again to cut his hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

He stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, ,"EOOOOOHAHHHHHMMMM-MMUUUUUUUUUOOOAAAAAAUUUU..."

The second whale turns to the first and says, "Frank, what the hell is wrong with you?"

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty.

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals.

My favorite Easter or Passover treat is PIZZA. DON’T JUDGE. PIZZA IS ITALIAN. THE POPE IS ITALIAN, WHAT’s THAT? THE POPE IS FROM CHICAGO. I DID NOT KNOW THAT. MY FAVORITE EASTER TREAT IS DEEP DISH PIZZA.

My life would be different without GRAVITY. I WOULD JUST FLOAT ALL OVER THE PLACE, GET STUCK UNDER TREE LIMBS, HAVE TO BE RESCUED FROM THE STRATOSPHERE. IT WOULD BE A WHOLE THING.

If I could I would give an Easter basket full of POOP to RYAN GOSLING. HE KNOWS 

WHAT HE DID. AND I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE EASTER BASKET FULL OF POOP OR NO EASTER BASKET FULL OF POOP.

Is it weird THAT I SNORT WHEN I LICK MY BOTTOM? IT’S NOT THAT I AM OUT OF BREATH. I AM JUST SO HAPPY.

Poetry Thursday

  

Jonce again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture below

Tommy cat said he could fly

But Bob the dog thought he would fail

And didn’t want Tommy to die

So Bob bit him on the tail

“Ouch,” Tommy cried

“You must release me at once”

Bob did, not wanting the cat to take a chunk out of his hide

Or surprise him with a swift and painful pounce

“I don’t think you should fly” Bob pled

The cat answered “I have nine live what could go wrong”

Bob wished he had a dime for every time that was said

Like the time their Mommy found Bob wearing her thong

“Come to the roof,” Tommy said. “I will show you what I can do.”

Bob reminded him that since they ate the shingles from the roof they had been stricken

Tommy didn’t care and accessed the roof from a window in.the loo

Reluctantly Bob followed not wanting to be labeled a chicken

Tommy licked his paw and held it in the air

He said “the wind is from the east”

Then Tommy said he would jump from right there

Then leapt into the air like a baby Robin leaving the nest

He made it almost a foot

Until gravity,took hold

Then Tommy hit a branch and then slipped down the gutter chute

And how many lives he lost in the fall could not be vet

Tommy went to the vet and stayed a few days

Then for a month he wore the cone of shame without fail

Once healthy Tommy announced he was swimming in the pool much to Bob,s dismay

And he had no choice but to stop the cat by biting his tail.   

Wordless Wednesday

Beat This Caption

 

The fish? They all ran away. Someone must have left the gate open. Anyway, this is my new bed, be a good lady and fetch me my blanket.

Monday Question

 What do you think your job in the house is?

Ruby’s answer - sitting on the back of the couch where I have a view of the road, the benches, the paths, the putting green, and the pickle ball courts and if I see anything move I bark my head off to warn my parents. 

Friday Fill in the blanks

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals.

My plans for this weekend include NEP - NAP, EAT AND PLAY WHICH IS A BIG CHANGE FROM LAST WEEKEND WHEN IT WAS EAT, NAP AND PLAY.

I meant it when I said SEVERAL CUSS BARKS WHILE SITTING IN MY SECOND STORY WINDOW, BARKING AT ANY DOG OR HUMANS WHO WALK BY AND   I LET THE EXPLETIVES FLY. 

I should probably FART more often SO MY TUMMY ISN’T LOUDER THAN MY SNORING BUT WHO HAS THE ENERGY FOR MULTIPLE FLATULENCE?

I will never jump on the MAGA trend. MANY HAVE TRIED BUT ITS A FOOL’s ERRAND TO TRY AND MAKE ALPO GREAT AGAIN,