Beat This Caption

Little Boy on the First Day of School: "When I was a baby Daddy breast fed me and the cat."

School Administrator: "Put him on the snort bus and send him to the special class." 

Aunt Ruby's Pee Mail Advice

 

My sister Foley, and later our friend from Colorado, Uncle Enzo, both, before they went to the Bridge, ran popular blogs, where they took questions from other dogs, via email, and answered them, under the moniker Aunt Foley, and Uncle Enzo.

Recently, Foley came to me, asking if I wanted to revive the franchise.

Frankly, it sounded like a lot of work, and would cut into my nap time, so I declined.

But, the blog found me.

During a recent walk I found a pee plea for help mail.

It read like this: “I, for the last five years, have lived a blissful life, with just my Mom, here at a retirement community, where there are no bothersome kids except for her grandchildren who don’t stay for long.

“Or so I thought. They have moved in with us for two weeks because their mom went on a cruise. You know who suffers when people go on cruises? The dog.

The kids play with my toys, they spill my water, the ride me, they tail pull, they fake throw the ball, they throw my treats so far I can’t them, and they dress me up. Also, they climb all over my Mom, and I have to sit on a chair alone. Sometimes I growl at them, just as a warning, and Mommy gets mad at me. What am I to do?”

I advised him to give it time. Kids have a way of growing on dogs.

The next day his pee mail message was filled with more complaints, except he said he liked it when the children gave him hugs and rubbed his fur.

I thought that his mood was changing and advised him to give it another few days and then he could eat them if they had not improved,

I was happy to read the next day that he had decided not to eat the children because he found them fun to chase around the yard.

The next few days the pee spot was dry, but on the third there was a long message, that. He was sad, because the children went home, and he missed them. 

I told him they will be back, and to enjoy his mom time while he could. I would have written more but I didn’t drink a lot that morning.

The next day I squirted out that this spot under the tree was for those who needed emotional pee support.

So if you need help stop by and pee.

Aunt Ruby is on duty 

“

.

Nature Friday

 We join the fabulous LLB Gang   in celebrating Nature Friday

This is a bag of flowers. 

Impatientts to be precise.

Until this spring I did not know flowers came in bags.

Maybe they were started by underworld florists illegally growing flowers and hiding them in a plastic bag like the hobos hide their whiskey.

We bought the bag of flowers at the beginning of the month. We hung them from a tree in between Foley’s garden, Pocket’s garden. And the shed.

For a week they stayed in bloom, but soon began to wilt and drop. My parents decided it did not have enough sun and put it on a hook in River’s All Day Sun Garden.

As you can deduce by the name, River's garden gets a lot of sun, which causes the flowers to wilt again. 

As a last ditch attempt to the same they were hung from a trellis supporting the roof over the steps.

Then came the heat which felt like I was trapped in a sock with two amorous squirrels.

The flowers in the bag shriveled up from the heat.

The bag would have been in the trash if anyone wanted to leave the air conditioned house.

Then the heat broke, and the showers came, and the bag of flowers were blooming again.

Seeing the bag die and come back repeatedly, I have changed, under the Gulf of America rename charter, the name of the flowers from a bag of Impatiens to the Lazarus Bag, because they keep rising.

Poetry Thursday

 +++++

“I think there is food on the counter.”

Said Fred the Dog to a cat named Pouncer

Fred saud “Jump up there and see if its true.”

Pounce answered “why don’t you.”

Fred admitted he could not counter surf

Pounce said: “that is no reflection of your self worth.

I can not jump up there because I pulled my hamstring

The vet said it should be in a sling

“Perhaps I could reach if I stood on your head,”

“I would say yes but I have a sensitive scalp,” said Fred

“What if I stood on your butt?” Pounce asked.

“As long as the medication cleaned up your anal rash.”

Fred reported the medication had worked

And while he didn’t like the idea he didn’t want to be a jerk

Fred said he would be happy to lift the cat with his backside

And to provide Pounce a calm and safe ride

Pounce was able to put his paws on the top

And see bits of food his mom did chop

Fred asked “Is there cake, is there pie?”

“No” the brazen cat did lie.

Pounce quietly licked up the rest overs

And even some mysterious powder

Pounce said he wanted to get down

And when Fred saw no food he did frown.

Pounce was sorry he had to lie

But Pounce needed no help to the counters he could fly

But he did not want to share the counter food he did desire

And did not want Fred to know all cats are liars.

+

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

"Hello Jungle Movers? This is Mr. Wilson. None of my stuff was delivered to my apartment. Yes, I'm# sure. Even my trunk is missing

Monday Question

 

What do you do when you alone?

If I am in a crate I sit and sulk but if I am loose I sit in a chair, look out the window, and bark at anything that comes near