Beat Thia Caption

 

King of Kings?

Star of Bethlehem?

Virgin birth?

Not impressed 

Monday Question

 What New Year’s Resolution would you make for your parents that they have to keep?

I want my humans to have part of their bodies touching me when I require them to do so. It makes me feel safe. But I don’t want it all the time. Humans are too hot, and they make sound and emit smells not found in nature.

Sunday Funnies

 

Cop pulls over a car with a couple in it.

"What's the problem officer?"

"Sir, you were going 68 in a 50-zone."

"What, that's ridiculous! I did no such thing!"

"Sir, I caught you with my radar gun, and it's always accurate, but I’ll give you some leeway and reduce it to 62.

"Well, not this time, asshole. I know I was doing 54! I'll take it to court, you son of a bitch!" The cop hands the man the ticket, and he rips it up.

"Sir, I'm going to have to insist you calm down, or I'll put you under arrest."

Suddenly, the wife interjects, "Mister, I wouldn't push it. There's no use arguing with him when he's drunk."

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

Friendly Friday Fill-Ins

Let’s ring in the new year with FriendlyFriday Fill Ins. There are four statements: the first two statements are written by 15AndMeowing, and the final two are done  by  Four-Legged Furballs. Please check them out.  Here are this week's statements with my fill ins are in CAPITALS 

The best part of 2025 was WHEN MY PARENTS TOOK ME WITH THEM WHEN THEY MOVED. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BUMMER IF I HADN’T BEEN PACKED UP AND MOVED AND HAD TO BREAK IN A BRAND NEW HUMAN. 

My focus on 2026 is COMPLETE AND TOTAL DOMINATION OF MY BUILDING INCLUDING NO TAKING MY ELEVATOR UNLESS YOU ARE VISITING ME, NO TALKING IN MY HALLWAY, AND NO DOG WALKING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW UNLESS I AM NAPPING, 

I always GIVE THANKS THAT THE HOLIDAY IS OVER AND EVERYONE CAN STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUYING PRESENTS, MONEY, OR WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD PUT A PEANUTS INFLATABLE MANGER SCENE ON THEIR FRONT LAWN WITH SNOOPY AS JOSEPH AND WOODSTOCK AS THE BABY JESUS AND IF THE PERSON KNOWS WHEN HE DIES HE IS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL.

I’ve had enough OF THE BIG ORANGE GRINCH IN WASHINGTON. WHO JUST FORCED THE WHOS TO CHANGE THE NAME OF WHOVILLE TO GRINCHVILLE to last a lifetime. HE ANSWERED NORAD CALLS FOR KIDS WANTING TO KNOW WHERE SANTA WAS AND TOLD THEM HE WAS KEEPING BAD SANTAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY, WHICH IS A TERRIBLE THING TO TELL A CONFUSED KID, UNLESS HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THAT BAD BILLY BOB THORTON MOVIE. I NEITHER KNOW WHAT A DOUCHEBAG IS USED FOR OR HOW TO USE ONE BUT I KNOW THE GRINCH IS ONE. 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

The reason fir Santa’s massive Christmas Eve coronary has yet to be determined

Monday Question

 How do you as a pet feel about Christmas?

Do you like it because humans come over to drop food on the floor?

Is it a big pain in the neck?

Do you hate it because you are left alone?

Or is it just another day?

Ruby’s answer - it’s a big pain in the neck because my parents go out and Mommy gets stressed out before  she does. I agree with old farmer Scrooge: barn Hamburg 

Sundays Funnies

 

Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At McDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place called Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister

 

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will depend on your answer."

The first guy walks up and Peter asks him, "How long were you married?"

The first guy says, "24 years."

"Did you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times...but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive."

The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter.

The second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out good."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."

The third guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"

A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"

    

        

Poetry Thursday

 

 

My friend who is one spoiled cat gave me the picture below for the Thursday Poetry blog

Post 

They are the three dogs of the house

They fear nothing, not even a mouse

They are beloved by the man and his spouse

They will strike down any offending louse

2

They bark away scary thunder

Their noses are always on the ground sniffing trouble down under

They are a protecting wonder

Which no man can bring asunder 

3

They were the indomitable three

But Christmas morning while they lay under the tree

Something happened that made them want to flee.

When three little humans showed up on a wilding spree

4

They tore past the dogs in a mad quest for toys

And did a lot of damage for preschool boys

Their excitement made them more mischievous than Connor Roy

As they ran around screaming for joy

5

 Seeing the boys tearing through the room filled the dogs with fear

And did not think they could persevere 

So they fled out the door in the rear

Where they enjoyed the calmer atmosphere 

6

Later in the day they dared to return home

Moving as silently as a sinner in the Church of Rome

While the boys lay in bed their self inflicted cuts covered with 

mercurochrome 

As quiet as the 2010 Lions fans on Thanksgiving in the Silver  Dome.

7

The dogs slinked in the living room their ferocity at an impasse

And the two youngest inquired what happened to their oldest brother Bluegrass

He told them that one day a year children lose their minds en masse

And that day was called Christmas