Poetry Thursday

 

Our friend Teddy, who is One Spoiled Cat  

provided the following photo to inspire me on Poetry Thursday…

Garfield liked the weekend

Where he could sleep all day in bed

No one to please, no one to offend

No one to complain about what he said

+

For Garfield weekends were much too short

Especially when you slept half the time

There was hardly time to cavort

To eat lasagna and drink the house wine

+

On Monday Garfield didn’t go to work

And he would receive no check

He had a duty he could not shirk

He was on community service for treating Odie like a jerk

+

He had hid Odie’s bowl

He had gutted the dog’s toys

Garfield chased him into a manhole

And performed an unauthorized operation removing Odie’s boys.

+

This was not the first time Garfield had run afoul of the law

And the Judge threw the book at him hoping the cat would learn a lesson

He got sent to work in a dog shelter’s kitchen like a common scofflaw

It was a place Garfied found distress in

+

Garfield chopped the beets and pounded the meat

He made the soup from scratch and a cookie batch

He put the bacon in the fryer and dirty bowls in the air dryer

Great meal chef the dogs said  before the left

+

Garfield spent the day filled with rage

Praying for the time he could scamper away

Instead of being stuck in this kitchen cage

At least he finally had a reason to hate Mondays

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

George remembered having one final cat nip, two shots of tequila and the rest was a regrettable blur

Monday Question

Do you have a secret last name the your parents use when your given name is not enough?

Ruby's Answer: I am Ruby Rubenstien

I know, I don 't look Jewish

Ruby and the Wart Lady

On Saturday my mom and I go to work with my Dad, although he never actually stops anywhere long enough for it to be a place of work. 

In June, my Dad’s division of store sales was laid off en masse from General Mills. (To get revenge, I punched Pop from Rice Krispies in the face, then found out he works for Kellogg's. Regardless, the jerk had been getting hit because he was always popping.) Dad filed for unemployment and is still waiting for approval. Those social safety nets people talk about are only as good as the overworked or barely competent people who are holding the net. 

My Dad is almost 63, with tremors in his hands. If he were an NBA free agent, he would take a job where the only qualifications are having a license and not currently being in jail: DoorDash.

On Saturdays Mommy and I go with him to air out Mommy, and for me to keep her company. 

He usually works four hours, and was close to being done Saturday, when he got an assignment: To get wart cream.

There were drug stores close to her house, but the wart cream she wanted was ten miles and twenty minutes away. We were going to order pizza when Daddy was done and now we had to wait.

He drove to the store and went inside to find this one over the counter cream. And it had to be this one, not any wart removal would.

Frustrated, Daddy asked an associate where the wart removal cream was, and was asked where the wart was.

“It’s not for me,” Daddy said.

“Of course not sir,” the associate answered in a non-believing tone. He helped Daddy find the cream. On his way out of the store, the woman with the worrisome wart wanted to know where her cream was. Daddy told her it was on the way, and held his tongue that she would have had it by now if she didn’t want a bougee wart.

Driving back Daddy had to make another stop, and when he got to the wart lady’s house he left the wrong package and got an angry message from the wart lady, and had to return.

It took close to an hour to complete, and I got fed late, all because of a wart.

I am waiting for the day when someone asks him to get heavy-duty Depends. 

` 

Ruby Rose and the Hobo Code

 

I stay inside when it is hot out. My resting bitch face makes breathing thick air like trying to suck a hearty milkshake through a recycled paper straw.

By the end of the week the weather was comfortable and I emerged like a bear who hit the snooze alarm from May to August. The flowers were worse for wear. Flowers that sprout in April in the northwest are not supposed to survive a hundred degree heat.

I noticed some strange scratchings on the side of the house. My parents didn’t notice. They don’t have a dog’s memory. We memorize all we see, and if we see something different, we bark.

The scratches seemed to mean something, so when I returned back inside after a hearty five minutes enjoying the summer day I went on my I Paw and investigated.

I learned the scratches were based on the Hobo code, which was used by vagrants in the thirties to communicate which towns were safe, and not what Angel Hobo’s dad posts with lots of typos.

The code was written by dirty kitty, or most frequent under the porch resident,

The first scratchings symbolized that it was a safe place to sleep.Next to that was a fork, signalling that my house was a place you could get fed upon demand. Next to that was a man in a dress meaning if you asked the man who lives here for food he will give it to you right away. The drawing meant a man bitch lives here.

Next to that was a small drawing of a bed meaning there was a blanket under the porch for warmth and comfort.

Finally there was a picture of a dog’s face with a discoloration under the nose. It took me a lot of investigating to understand what this meant: The Little Dog who lives here thinks she is Hitler.

Damn Hobo cats. You open the space under the porch for them and they turn on you.

Poetry Thursday

Our friend Teddy, who is One Spoiled Cat  

provided the following photo to inspire me on Poetry Thursday…

Every day I patrol the woods where I reside 

To protect us from any impending doom

I have to make sure that of the rules all the critters abide

And to investigate the weird nylon mushrooms

+++

They sprout up during the day

And go away the next morn

I have tried different sprays to keep them away

But more of them keep getting born

                                  +++

There is something is shared with the wife

That in the woods devoid of noise

Those mushrooms give me the scare of my life

Because they have a voice.

                                 +++

As I slink by sniffing the ground the mushroom speaks in fear

In a soft woman’s voice talking to someone I did not know

The mushroom says: “Be quiet there is a bear out there.

If we keep quiet it will go.”

                                  +++

I came back later in the day and was surprised that they mushroom was playing a radio

And then the woman’s voice said “The bear is back you dumbbell

And if we are killed and we go to heaven Saint Peter will say no

“You shouldn’t have been in the woods that we created for animals so the two of you can go straight to hell.”

                                 ++++

Then I heard another voice claiming his innocence

And I was surprised that I had discovered a schizophrenia fungus

So I stuck my head in the tent to investigate

And see what was the ruckus

                                +++++

And that was when I got a wonderful surprise

The mushrooms are filled with meat, the crunchy kind

And I enjoyed my meal with a bottle of wine on the side

I love the woods, you never know what you will find

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat this Caption

 

"I was next  in line at the feeder when a grackle cut in front of me and  ate the thistle I ordered. I don't know who is in charge of this feeder but I want you to tell them miss Karen is here and demands to talk to them."

Monday Question

Do your parents ever sing to  you and if so what do then sing?

Ruby's Answer: Yes, Mommy does, and she sings 

"Ruby Puppy

Ruby Girl

Is the only girl I love

I love Ruby

Ruby puppy girl, puppy girl, puppy girl"

To Surfer Girl from the Beach Boys

Blog Flashback: July 12 2015: A Pup I Never Knew

 

I meet a lot of dogs here who I don’t know (but as soon as they become angels they become friends because all angels are friends.)  Once we learn their names and their parents’ names my crack staff, led by Blazer and Simon, begin looking for their parents so we can reunite them.   

If we know the pups we can arrange for their Moms to be there to meet them.  Usually it is dogs we don’t know who are waiting for their humans.  But this week something happened we did not expect.  A Mom we did not know came to wait for a dog we didn’t know.

She had crossed over to human section of the immortal side.  Instead of staying with the humans she came over to our place.  Seeing a human without a dog here is very strange.  She didn’t say much.  She just sat with us and gave us nice scratches and sweet pats.

When we asked her why she was there she would only say she was waiting for someone.  She never sought shelter, and never strayed too far from the top of Enzo’s escalator where pups get sworn in when they arrive.  She just waited.

Soon more of us joined her, just sitting there, looking off the cliffs down towards the River of Life, waiting, never questioning.  One night she turned to me and stroked theo top of my head.  “My name is Sharron,” she said.  “Sharron Webb.  I know you don’t know me but I know you.  I know all of you.  I am friends with Judy Turley Kelley. She is Millie Mae’s Mom.  Judy told me all about you and your angel friends.  I have a dog of my own.  Her name is Molly.  We both have cancer and we made a pact, the first who crossed the River of Life would come sit here and wait for the other so that is what I am doing, waiting for my sweet Molly.”

So we waited, and grew in numbers each day, until one day Sharron stood up and walked towards Enzo’s escalator.  We all followed.  A little dachshund was running up the stairs and Sharron cried out “Molly” and started running down the stairs which was totally against the rules, and I am a Judge who was supposed to keep order, but I let it go.  A third of the way down they met and she picked up Molly and together they rode to the top of Enzo’s Escalator as all the dogs howled.  

Then Sharron picked up Molly and she ran with her as I barked after her.  Molly needed to be sworn in, she needed to get her wings from Ladybug, she needed to learn how to fly, but I stopped chasing them and let them go as Sharron put Molly down and they ran into the hills together laughing and barking all they way.  I told Blazer and Simon they needed to find Molly so we could swear her in but there was no rush.  I was sure we would see them soon.

I know for you on the immortal side of life Sharron and Molly’s passing was quite upsetting, but for us here on the immortal side it was quite a sight to se.

It certainly was.

Nature Friday

 

This is my friend Saint Anthony. He has been the garden captain since we moved here. Before that he was in my Nanas’s garden. No one remembers him being purchased. One day he just appeared. When his parents went to the Bridge my Dad gave him a new home.Through day and night, rain and sun, heat and cold, he has been in our garden, protecting the plants.

Saint Anthony is much better than a scarecrow, which only frightens critters who stalk the garden, while Saint Anthony threatens the invaders with eternal damnation. I have no idea if he has such power but it keeps the plants safe and the weeds to a minimum.

Saint Anthony was, for more than a decade, situated in the main garden at the top of the driveway, but this year he requested to go to the garden at the front of the house. He said he wanted a different view, but I caught him with binoculars watching the neighbor across the street. I understand. Its hard to be a saint in the garden.

Saint Anthonu also acts as desk clerk for the many critters who live under the house. He makes sure there are no late parties or fighting over space.

All in all it is good to have a Saint in the Garden.

Just don’t forget to bring him in before it snows. 

Poetry Thursday

 

Our friend Teddy, who is One Spoiled Cat  

provided the following photo to inspire me on Poetry Thursday…

This isn’t a story of elephants in suits

Or hippos in dresses, common publicity seekers

And it's not about  puss in boots

But about a kitty in sneakers

Unlike Puss in Boots Kitty in Sneakers was neither a swashbuckler

Nor a casanova

The wee cat could not be any tougher

And his balls were a long gone: A victim of an unwanted makeover

Kitty in Sneakers yearned a peaceful life

To lounge on a couch, to sleep om the sun

Puss in boots disrupted him, in his mouth a knife

And said he needed help rescuing Princess FIona and promising great fun

But, Kitty in Sneakers had no compunction to go

He told Puss he was tired and needed to rest

And Puss in Boots departed leaving tracks in the snow

Without an adventure, but knowing it was best

Kitty didn’t wear sneakers for style

When he was little it was where he slept

It was where he stored his smile

And where his favorite treasures were kept

Some pets were made to stay home

Loving and supporting their family their only goal

Maybe not a life that would lead to an epic poem

Bot one the leaves you with a full and happy soul

Maybe Puss and Kitty weren’t too different after all

THey were both happy, not different

One stayed home and one answered adventure’s call

And people could not believe they were from the same litter

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Who is a stupid cow now? Horse's ass

Monday Question

 If you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring one toy what would be.

Ruby's Answer: I would bring a big Whimzee hedgehog to chew on. 

Sunday Selfie Flashback :

 

Friday Friendly FIll Ins

 

My answers are in CAPS and bold 

.1. A BOOK OF STAMPS is a book that I would reread again.  IT IS THE ONLY BOOK YOU CAN LICK

2. My PEE PAD is in need of CHARGING BEFORE THE BATTERY DIES. 

3. I’ve been working on THESE FILL IN THE BLANKS.CHARLES NELSON REILLY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON MW

4. I finally figured out FARTING INTO THE AIR RETURN MAKES THE WHOLE HOUSE SMELL LIKE ASS

Poerry Thursday

 

Our friend Teddy, who is One Spoiled Cat  

provided the following photo to inspire me on Poetry Thursday

Harry didn’t want to go to Hogwarts

The very thought tied his tummy in knots

He didn’t want to be taught by over acting Scots

He tried everything to make sure he has was on’t caught

He did not want to play Quidditch

To fly on a bloom above the pitch

He didn’t want to learn from some old bitch

Or date a girl who was secretly a witch

He did not want to fight Voldemort

Or get on an invisible train for transport

Or wear a hat that would sort

Or meet the half blood prince in his court

No matter how he tried he could not avoid the owl

Who wore a permanent scowl

And forced Harry to go to Hogwarts despite how he did howl

And spoon of Voldemort he did run afoul

Harry had to survive as a chess piece

And battle a basilisk as the danger did increase

He battled dragons and boggarts apiece

And eat rabbit with Hagrid that was covered with grease

He protected his friends from ghosts, goblins and gnomes

From creatures deep in the catacombs

FRankly, he thought everyone suffered from VOldermot derangement syndrome

And all he wanted was to go home

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I love my Dad but he's always on my ass

Monday Question:

 Have you, or anyone in your pack, seen a reflection of yourself in a mirror?

I have not but Foley once saw her reflection in a full length mirror in a hotel in Mystic Ct and she barked and pawed at her reflection in furious anger for 30 minutes 

The Ruby Rose Report: The Expired License

 

I was taking my Dad for his walk the other day. If I don’t get him out he stinks like sweat socks. I don’t mind but mom complains. I was having a sniff when suddenly, from behind a fire hydrant, came a chihuahua riding a segway with a siren on the handlebars. He motioned for me to pull over.

“May I see your license?” the chihuahua asked.

I, a law abiding dog, proudly showed him my tag.

“I am sorry, it's expired,” the chihuahua said.

How can this be? I looked up at my Dad and saw him fidgeting.

“I can explain, officer,” he said. “We got the license, it is all paid for, but I had a problem getting it on the little ring. I promise to do so when we get home.”

“It’s not that simple,” the officer said. “We live in a world of laws, and if you flaunt those laws, there is a price to pay. I fine you four treats.”

I know Daddy brings treats with him to reward me if I am overcome with the need to perform a bodily function (and it needs to be a specific bodily function, as my cousin Oscar found out when mid-walk he mounted a lollipop poodle and got the hose turned on him.)

Daddy was quick to grab the treats and was about to handle them to the chihuahua when I barked at him to stop.

This was very suspicious. I had never seen a dog patrol this park before. We had private dog security.

I asked to see his badge. “I don’t have to show, I’m with ICE.”

“Capades?” I asked.

“No, I have been ordered to make sure all dogs are licensed.”

I am a descendent of the great Judge Foley Monster and I felt compelled to fight this to the Supreme Court I said.

But then my dad gave him the treats.

When the chihuahua had rolled away I barked at my Dad and asked why he gave my treats away.

“Right now it is best not to mess with ICE,” he said “even if its a chihuahua on Segway.”

Nature Friday

This is a picture of the fountain that sits in our bird bath.

You might notice it is not working.

That is because it never work.,

It exists to drive Daddy crazy.

It is supposed to float on the water, but the bird bath is not deep enough. so the pump touches the bottom of the bird bath, and tips.

So Daddy spends hours trying to balance the fountain so it sits upright. When he finally gets it he creeps away, watching it, willing it not to tip.

He mostly does this for Mommy who loves the see the birds splash in the water. She sits at the kitchen table during breakfast time and the bird entertain her. Until one of the birds lands on the fountain, tips it over, and we start once again.

Fifty years ago Mommy was on Martha's during the filming of Jaws and she could hear over the radios "the shark is not working."

Now the fountain is not working.

And we need a bigger bath. 

Poetry Thursday

 

My friends, the two spoiled cats, sent me the following photo for poetry Thursday

Doctor Bob had won a big prize

That would make his reputation rise

But the money he would get was what was best in his eyes

He planned to buy surround sound at one of the local Best Buys

2

It was the day of the ceremony

And his wife needed money

She left with it to be a dress, and said “thanks honey.”

While Dr Bob stayed home with daughter Toni.

3

After playing for an hour Dr Bob realized he was tired

And he tried to convince Toni to take a nap  but she was wired

And he wondered how such a wild child he sired

He tried to stay awake but sleep was required

4

Toni had nothing to play with except crayons and paint

She had colored the whole house as she looked from something she ain’t.

Then saw her days pristine face 

And she put on crayons, and paint, giving him more covering than a high school girl on her first date

5

When his wife came home Dr Bob was shocked awake

He noticed the clock and was going to be late

Husband and wife got ready without glancing at the other, the way it is with a long term mate

And when wife took much too long to get ready Dr Bob grew irate

6

Dr Bob got in the car in the dark

Then the wife came out full of snark

And she couldn’t see his face as he put the car out of park

And she did not acknowledge him being a proper matriarch

7

When they arrived at the hotel with a knife you could cut the tension

As they walked the red carpet people booed and gave scorn when they got their attention

Then the chairman approached them, his face red with reprehension 

And asked how he could wear such face paint when speaking at a plastic surgeon convention. 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

The things you see walking down a lonely Thailand alley after midnight

Monday Question

 How do you handle he fireworks?

How do your parents handle the way you handle the fireworks?

I am unfazed by fireworks.

Pocket would tremble and everything solid in her body turned to water.

For 13 years my Dad swore he was going to drive around and hit anyone setting off fireworks with a baseball bat. 

The world would be a batter place if he had. 

Sunday Rainbow Bridge Rememberance

 

This is Erin.

She went to the Bridge in the early 2010s.

Her Mom was named Donna Christensen.

She was the one who introduced us to the phrase Freedom to Bark.

We still use it 17 years later.

She also helped us, and many more, set up their web pages.

Sadly we have lost track of Donna

But Erin is still ion our dreams. 

Poetry Friday

I woke up on winter mornings

And always felt so bad

I got sick of having sleepless  nights

I went and told my Dad.

He said girl you have to wait until summer

And I will stick something on the wall

And at the end of June he put the pictures up

And I don’t feel bad at all. 

Pictures of Lilies make my life so wonderful

Pictures of Lilies help me sleep at night

Pictures of Lilies solved my puppy problems

Pictures of Lilies helped me feel alright

Pictures of Lilies

Lilies, oh Lilies

Lilies, oh Lilies

Pictures of Lilies

And then one day, late summer arrived

After I had fallen in love with Lilies

I asked my dad where Lilies had gone

He said, "Son, now don't be silly

Lilies only bloom in the summertimes”

And, how I cried that night

If only it was summer all the time

It would have been alright

Pictures of Lilies made my life so wonderful

Pictures of Lilies helped me sleep at night

I will see Lilies in my dreams

Where I always see

Pictures of Lilles 

Poetry Thursday

 Two spoiled cats have given us another picture for the Poetry Thursday Blog Hop

Come on down, come on down, come on down

Everything’ marked down savings galore

Step right up and you can be the owner of the car of your dreams

Fastest, safest, cheapest around

One thousand down, just one thousand down

Free service plan after the sale

How about white walls? We got mag wheels

How about a free air freshener?

How about pink for the little lady

How about a visor mirror for the little lady

Got to keep happy the little lady

Help you speed away from the little lady

This car will get you a new lady

We got a year-end clearance, we got tax free

We got zero financing, you can drive it away today

Act now, act now, and get a special prize

The kids will  love it, one size fits all

No add ons, no hidden fees

Everything must go

Going out of business, we’re going out of business, dad has cancer

Fifty percent off, fifty percent off

It will get you off

Off to see the Wizard

How do we do it? How do we do it?

We make our cars in Venezuela 

Cheap labor, cheap wheels, the tail pipe is made from cigar wrappers

We don’t pay, no one pays, no one gets paid

Cars are made by deported migrants from East St Louis

Come on in, come on in

Have a free donut and coffee

I will last forever, run for ever never needs an oil change

You’ll be the talk of parents picking their kids up from school

The fathers will think you are cool

The sons will think you rule

The daughters will slide down the bannisters thinking of you

It will find the cat who ran off three years ago

It will walk your dogs

It will babysit your kids

If floats if you want to ride in a boat

And in the end the door comes off and becomes your co ffin

So come on down, come on down

It has a DVD player to keep the brats quiet

It has wifi to keep you connected

There is a Facebook group for owners

So come on down

It runs on electricity

It runs on gas

It runs on the sun

It runs on the moon, it runs on the moon, what a wonderful night for a moon dance

It has a built in vacuum

It has a built in blower

It both sucks and blows wherever you go

Tired of being just an ordinary joe

Waiting for something to change your life

You want to feel like Iron Man, Batman, for once in your life a man

It will do it all Jack, it has it all

It comes preloaded with ITunes

With Amazon Music

With Spotify with the latest higi

Push a button and it fly

And if someone steals your car

They won’t get very far

It comes with an inflatable companion

For travelling in the high occupancy lane

And if you want a little hanky panky

When you’re stuck in a traffic jam

It comes with a periscope

Because Kramer thinks its cool

And converts to a rickshaw

If Newman requests a ride

It never needs gas, never needs oil, never needed washing

Never needs waxing, never needs wiper replacements

Never needs defrosting

C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon

It's very effective, nothing is defective

It never needs disinfection

It gives you an erection, it will win you an election

It comes with free parking at DIsney World

But not Disney Land, that’s on hold

You will win the lottery

It will pick up Demi Moore to make pottery

How do we do it? How do we do it?

How do we do it? How do we do it?

The floor is made of straw

The backseat homes a macaw

We need your business

We will give you the business

We’re going out of business

We employ children from Siam

Even though there is no Siam

Buy before midnight tomorrow, taxes won’t apply

Come on down, come on down, come on down

No need to win read the fine print

Just get in a drive

Come on down, come on down, come on down

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

Little Boy on the First Day of School: "When I was a baby Daddy breast fed me and the cat."

School Administrator: "Put him on the snort bus and send him to the special class." 

Aunt Ruby's Pee Mail Advice

 

My sister Foley, and later our friend from Colorado, Uncle Enzo, both, before they went to the Bridge, ran popular blogs, where they took questions from other dogs, via email, and answered them, under the moniker Aunt Foley, and Uncle Enzo.

Recently, Foley came to me, asking if I wanted to revive the franchise.

Frankly, it sounded like a lot of work, and would cut into my nap time, so I declined.

But, the blog found me.

During a recent walk I found a pee plea for help mail.

It read like this: “I, for the last five years, have lived a blissful life, with just my Mom, here at a retirement community, where there are no bothersome kids except for her grandchildren who don’t stay for long.

“Or so I thought. They have moved in with us for two weeks because their mom went on a cruise. You know who suffers when people go on cruises? The dog.

The kids play with my toys, they spill my water, the ride me, they tail pull, they fake throw the ball, they throw my treats so far I can’t them, and they dress me up. Also, they climb all over my Mom, and I have to sit on a chair alone. Sometimes I growl at them, just as a warning, and Mommy gets mad at me. What am I to do?”

I advised him to give it time. Kids have a way of growing on dogs.

The next day his pee mail message was filled with more complaints, except he said he liked it when the children gave him hugs and rubbed his fur.

I thought that his mood was changing and advised him to give it another few days and then he could eat them if they had not improved,

I was happy to read the next day that he had decided not to eat the children because he found them fun to chase around the yard.

The next few days the pee spot was dry, but on the third there was a long message, that. He was sad, because the children went home, and he missed them. 

I told him they will be back, and to enjoy his mom time while he could. I would have written more but I didn’t drink a lot that morning.

The next day I squirted out that this spot under the tree was for those who needed emotional pee support.

So if you need help stop by and pee.

Aunt Ruby is on duty 

“

.

Nature Friday

 We join the fabulous LLB Gang   in celebrating Nature Friday

This is a bag of flowers. 

Impatientts to be precise.

Until this spring I did not know flowers came in bags.

Maybe they were started by underworld florists illegally growing flowers and hiding them in a plastic bag like the hobos hide their whiskey.

We bought the bag of flowers at the beginning of the month. We hung them from a tree in between Foley’s garden, Pocket’s garden. And the shed.

For a week they stayed in bloom, but soon began to wilt and drop. My parents decided it did not have enough sun and put it on a hook in River’s All Day Sun Garden.

As you can deduce by the name, River's garden gets a lot of sun, which causes the flowers to wilt again. 

As a last ditch attempt to the same they were hung from a trellis supporting the roof over the steps.

Then came the heat which felt like I was trapped in a sock with two amorous squirrels.

The flowers in the bag shriveled up from the heat.

The bag would have been in the trash if anyone wanted to leave the air conditioned house.

Then the heat broke, and the showers came, and the bag of flowers were blooming again.

Seeing the bag die and come back repeatedly, I have changed, under the Gulf of America rename charter, the name of the flowers from a bag of Impatiens to the Lazarus Bag, because they keep rising.

Poetry Thursday

 +++++

“I think there is food on the counter.”

Said Fred the Dog to a cat named Pouncer

Fred saud “Jump up there and see if its true.”

Pounce answered “why don’t you.”

Fred admitted he could not counter surf

Pounce said: “that is no reflection of your self worth.

I can not jump up there because I pulled my hamstring

The vet said it should be in a sling

“Perhaps I could reach if I stood on your head,”

“I would say yes but I have a sensitive scalp,” said Fred

“What if I stood on your butt?” Pounce asked.

“As long as the medication cleaned up your anal rash.”

Fred reported the medication had worked

And while he didn’t like the idea he didn’t want to be a jerk

Fred said he would be happy to lift the cat with his backside

And to provide Pounce a calm and safe ride

Pounce was able to put his paws on the top

And see bits of food his mom did chop

Fred asked “Is there cake, is there pie?”

“No” the brazen cat did lie.

Pounce quietly licked up the rest overs

And even some mysterious powder

Pounce said he wanted to get down

And when Fred saw no food he did frown.

Pounce was sorry he had to lie

But Pounce needed no help to the counters he could fly

But he did not want to share the counter food he did desire

And did not want Fred to know all cats are liars.

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Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

"Hello Jungle Movers? This is Mr. Wilson. None of my stuff was delivered to my apartment. Yes, I'm# sure. Even my trunk is missing

Monday Question

 

What do you do when you alone?

If I am in a crate I sit and sulk but if I am loose I sit in a chair, look out the window, and bark at anything that comes near

The Ruby Rose Report: A Dashing Dog

 

The problems of the tumultuous world crashed into our house at the beginning of June when my Dad got laid off from General Mills after 13 years.

It was not unexpected. Over the last few months, his employer had been giving him busy work, which was not only a waste of time but also prevented him from doing the job he was paid to do. This is what employers do when they are about to lay off a large number of staff, hoping to get them to leave before the layoff to cut down on the unemployment insurance hit. 

My Dad had prepared for the eventuality, and the day after he was laid off, he began to work for DoorDash, delivering food, drinks, and groceries to people under the delusion that they could spend double for a bacon cheeseburger because they had a surplus of money and a deficiency of time. 

My Dad has never minded working but he doesn’t like leaving Mommy and me at home so once a week we go with him. My Mommy and he talk, and I sit in the back, in my car seat, happy to tag along,

Until they tried to kill me.,

Like all near-death experiences, it began innocently enough. DoorDash gives the workers their assignment through an app, so when Daddy knocked the phone off the holder, and it went flying, he had to find it.

Daddy searched below the seats, pushed the seats back and forth, stuck his hands down the side of the seats, and could not find it. He removed the floor mats to no avail. He was stumped.

The phone had somehow landed perfectly in the track the seats sit in which allows it to go back and forth. Angry that such a freak occurrence had occurred and cost him time and money, he threw the mats in the car, put it in drive, and began to travel.

We were in a parking lot, and the car began to rapidly accelerate towards a row of parked cars. My Dad tried to stop and couldn’t. The floor mat was wedged under the brake, and over the gas. We were a tiny runaway train.

Within seconds of crashing Daddy decided a busted transmission was better than a crash and slipped the car into park.

The angels must have been with us because the slipping of a moving vehicle into park did no damage to the car and the rest of the day occurred without event.

As for me, I am raring to go again.

As long as there is a doggy seat belt.