Monday Question

 If you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring one toy what would be.

Ruby's Answer: I would bring a big Whimzee hedgehog to chew on. 

Sunday Selfie Flashback :

 

Friday Friendly FIll Ins

 

My answers are in CAPS and bold 

.1. A BOOK OF STAMPS is a book that I would reread again.  IT IS THE ONLY BOOK YOU CAN LICK

2. My PEE PAD is in need of CHARGING BEFORE THE BATTERY DIES. 

3. I’ve been working on THESE FILL IN THE BLANKS.CHARLES NELSON REILLY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON MW

4. I finally figured out FARTING INTO THE AIR RETURN MAKES THE WHOLE HOUSE SMELL LIKE ASS

Poerry Thursday

 

Our friend Teddy, who is One Spoiled Cat  

provided the following photo to inspire me on Poetry Thursday

Harry didn’t want to go to Hogwarts

The very thought tied his tummy in knots

He didn’t want to be taught by over acting Scots

He tried everything to make sure he has was on’t caught

He did not want to play Quidditch

To fly on a bloom above the pitch

He didn’t want to learn from some old bitch

Or date a girl who was secretly a witch

He did not want to fight Voldemort

Or get on an invisible train for transport

Or wear a hat that would sort

Or meet the half blood prince in his court

No matter how he tried he could not avoid the owl

Who wore a permanent scowl

And forced Harry to go to Hogwarts despite how he did howl

And spoon of Voldemort he did run afoul

Harry had to survive as a chess piece

And battle a basilisk as the danger did increase

He battled dragons and boggarts apiece

And eat rabbit with Hagrid that was covered with grease

He protected his friends from ghosts, goblins and gnomes

From creatures deep in the catacombs

FRankly, he thought everyone suffered from VOldermot derangement syndrome

And all he wanted was to go home

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I love my Dad but he's always on my ass

Monday Question:

 Have you, or anyone in your pack, seen a reflection of yourself in a mirror?

I have not but Foley once saw her reflection in a full length mirror in a hotel in Mystic Ct and she barked and pawed at her reflection in furious anger for 30 minutes 

The Ruby Rose Report: The Expired License

 

I was taking my Dad for his walk the other day. If I don’t get him out he stinks like sweat socks. I don’t mind but mom complains. I was having a sniff when suddenly, from behind a fire hydrant, came a chihuahua riding a segway with a siren on the handlebars. He motioned for me to pull over.

“May I see your license?” the chihuahua asked.

I, a law abiding dog, proudly showed him my tag.

“I am sorry, it's expired,” the chihuahua said.

How can this be? I looked up at my Dad and saw him fidgeting.

“I can explain, officer,” he said. “We got the license, it is all paid for, but I had a problem getting it on the little ring. I promise to do so when we get home.”

“It’s not that simple,” the officer said. “We live in a world of laws, and if you flaunt those laws, there is a price to pay. I fine you four treats.”

I know Daddy brings treats with him to reward me if I am overcome with the need to perform a bodily function (and it needs to be a specific bodily function, as my cousin Oscar found out when mid-walk he mounted a lollipop poodle and got the hose turned on him.)

Daddy was quick to grab the treats and was about to handle them to the chihuahua when I barked at him to stop.

This was very suspicious. I had never seen a dog patrol this park before. We had private dog security.

I asked to see his badge. “I don’t have to show, I’m with ICE.”

“Capades?” I asked.

“No, I have been ordered to make sure all dogs are licensed.”

I am a descendent of the great Judge Foley Monster and I felt compelled to fight this to the Supreme Court I said.

But then my dad gave him the treats.

When the chihuahua had rolled away I barked at my Dad and asked why he gave my treats away.

“Right now it is best not to mess with ICE,” he said “even if its a chihuahua on Segway.”

Nature Friday

This is a picture of the fountain that sits in our bird bath.

You might notice it is not working.

That is because it never work.,

It exists to drive Daddy crazy.

It is supposed to float on the water, but the bird bath is not deep enough. so the pump touches the bottom of the bird bath, and tips.

So Daddy spends hours trying to balance the fountain so it sits upright. When he finally gets it he creeps away, watching it, willing it not to tip.

He mostly does this for Mommy who loves the see the birds splash in the water. She sits at the kitchen table during breakfast time and the bird entertain her. Until one of the birds lands on the fountain, tips it over, and we start once again.

Fifty years ago Mommy was on Martha's during the filming of Jaws and she could hear over the radios "the shark is not working."

Now the fountain is not working.

And we need a bigger bath. 

Poetry Thursday

 

My friends, the two spoiled cats, sent me the following photo for poetry Thursday

Doctor Bob had won a big prize

That would make his reputation rise

But the money he would get was what was best in his eyes

He planned to buy surround sound at one of the local Best Buys

2

It was the day of the ceremony

And his wife needed money

She left with it to be a dress, and said “thanks honey.”

While Dr Bob stayed home with daughter Toni.

3

After playing for an hour Dr Bob realized he was tired

And he tried to convince Toni to take a nap  but she was wired

And he wondered how such a wild child he sired

He tried to stay awake but sleep was required

4

Toni had nothing to play with except crayons and paint

She had colored the whole house as she looked from something she ain’t.

Then saw her days pristine face 

And she put on crayons, and paint, giving him more covering than a high school girl on her first date

5

When his wife came home Dr Bob was shocked awake

He noticed the clock and was going to be late

Husband and wife got ready without glancing at the other, the way it is with a long term mate

And when wife took much too long to get ready Dr Bob grew irate

6

Dr Bob got in the car in the dark

Then the wife came out full of snark

And she couldn’t see his face as he put the car out of park

And she did not acknowledge him being a proper matriarch

7

When they arrived at the hotel with a knife you could cut the tension

As they walked the red carpet people booed and gave scorn when they got their attention

Then the chairman approached them, his face red with reprehension 

And asked how he could wear such face paint when speaking at a plastic surgeon convention. 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

The things you see walking down a lonely Thailand alley after midnight

Monday Question

 How do you handle he fireworks?

How do your parents handle the way you handle the fireworks?

I am unfazed by fireworks.

Pocket would tremble and everything solid in her body turned to water.

For 13 years my Dad swore he was going to drive around and hit anyone setting off fireworks with a baseball bat. 

The world would be a batter place if he had. 

Sunday Rainbow Bridge Rememberance

 

This is Erin.

She went to the Bridge in the early 2010s.

Her Mom was named Donna Christensen.

She was the one who introduced us to the phrase Freedom to Bark.

We still use it 17 years later.

She also helped us, and many more, set up their web pages.

Sadly we have lost track of Donna

But Erin is still ion our dreams. 

Poetry Friday

I woke up on winter mornings

And always felt so bad

I got sick of having sleepless  nights

I went and told my Dad.

He said girl you have to wait until summer

And I will stick something on the wall

And at the end of June he put the pictures up

And I don’t feel bad at all. 

Pictures of Lilies make my life so wonderful

Pictures of Lilies help me sleep at night

Pictures of Lilies solved my puppy problems

Pictures of Lilies helped me feel alright

Pictures of Lilies

Lilies, oh Lilies

Lilies, oh Lilies

Pictures of Lilies

And then one day, late summer arrived

After I had fallen in love with Lilies

I asked my dad where Lilies had gone

He said, "Son, now don't be silly

Lilies only bloom in the summertimes”

And, how I cried that night

If only it was summer all the time

It would have been alright

Pictures of Lilies made my life so wonderful

Pictures of Lilies helped me sleep at night

I will see Lilies in my dreams

Where I always see

Pictures of Lilles 

Poetry Thursday

 Two spoiled cats have given us another picture for the Poetry Thursday Blog Hop

Come on down, come on down, come on down

Everything’ marked down savings galore

Step right up and you can be the owner of the car of your dreams

Fastest, safest, cheapest around

One thousand down, just one thousand down

Free service plan after the sale

How about white walls? We got mag wheels

How about a free air freshener?

How about pink for the little lady

How about a visor mirror for the little lady

Got to keep happy the little lady

Help you speed away from the little lady

This car will get you a new lady

We got a year-end clearance, we got tax free

We got zero financing, you can drive it away today

Act now, act now, and get a special prize

The kids will  love it, one size fits all

No add ons, no hidden fees

Everything must go

Going out of business, we’re going out of business, dad has cancer

Fifty percent off, fifty percent off

It will get you off

Off to see the Wizard

How do we do it? How do we do it?

We make our cars in Venezuela 

Cheap labor, cheap wheels, the tail pipe is made from cigar wrappers

We don’t pay, no one pays, no one gets paid

Cars are made by deported migrants from East St Louis

Come on in, come on in

Have a free donut and coffee

I will last forever, run for ever never needs an oil change

You’ll be the talk of parents picking their kids up from school

The fathers will think you are cool

The sons will think you rule

The daughters will slide down the bannisters thinking of you

It will find the cat who ran off three years ago

It will walk your dogs

It will babysit your kids

If floats if you want to ride in a boat

And in the end the door comes off and becomes your co ffin

So come on down, come on down

It has a DVD player to keep the brats quiet

It has wifi to keep you connected

There is a Facebook group for owners

So come on down

It runs on electricity

It runs on gas

It runs on the sun

It runs on the moon, it runs on the moon, what a wonderful night for a moon dance

It has a built in vacuum

It has a built in blower

It both sucks and blows wherever you go

Tired of being just an ordinary joe

Waiting for something to change your life

You want to feel like Iron Man, Batman, for once in your life a man

It will do it all Jack, it has it all

It comes preloaded with ITunes

With Amazon Music

With Spotify with the latest higi

Push a button and it fly

And if someone steals your car

They won’t get very far

It comes with an inflatable companion

For travelling in the high occupancy lane

And if you want a little hanky panky

When you’re stuck in a traffic jam

It comes with a periscope

Because Kramer thinks its cool

And converts to a rickshaw

If Newman requests a ride

It never needs gas, never needs oil, never needed washing

Never needs waxing, never needs wiper replacements

Never needs defrosting

C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon

It's very effective, nothing is defective

It never needs disinfection

It gives you an erection, it will win you an election

It comes with free parking at DIsney World

But not Disney Land, that’s on hold

You will win the lottery

It will pick up Demi Moore to make pottery

How do we do it? How do we do it?

How do we do it? How do we do it?

The floor is made of straw

The backseat homes a macaw

We need your business

We will give you the business

We’re going out of business

We employ children from Siam

Even though there is no Siam

Buy before midnight tomorrow, taxes won’t apply

Come on down, come on down, come on down

No need to win read the fine print

Just get in a drive

Come on down, come on down, come on down

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

Little Boy on the First Day of School: "When I was a baby Daddy breast fed me and the cat."

School Administrator: "Put him on the snort bus and send him to the special class."