Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Mexico City's Dog Dump for Wi Fi Minutes Angers Foley Monster Attorney at Paw
I, Foley Monster, with the help of my able assistant Pocket Dog, who is currently hiding under the bed trembling, is declaring war on Mexico.
You may be wondering if I have joined the right wing of our political world taking a heavy paw to our immigration problems. No, this is not an immigration issue. This is an emigration issue.
In Mexico City the government has set up stations where our humans can deposit our excrement. And, to encourage the use of the stations you get free wi-fi through a port in the station for each deposit. Honestly, I can’t make this siht up. This is a true story. Mexicans can now exchange our waste for free access to porn. This is what Pancho Villa dreamed for Mexico.
Now, you might be asking yourself, why is the most famous dog attorney in the country taking exception to a system that would turn our excrement into power? First, I think we are being used. While it is our bitter droppings that are the source of power are we getting to go on the sites we want to go on or is it being controlled by the humans? My guess is the humans are taking advantage of this. It bothers me that, after centuries of humans cleaning up after us, they are now being rewarded for it. This may upset the delicate balance where we rule and they be the fool.
My second reason is that it discriminates against the small dog and the small dog owner. The amount of time humans get on the Internet from the Doggy Dump spot depends on the weight of the dump. If you have a big dump and they leave a huge deposit of said dump it will get the owner more time on the web. But if the owner has a small dog, like say, Pocket and I, the dumper will only have time to sign on to Facebook before our tiny droppings cause them to have to power down.
I fear that these dump for the amp stations will lead to the end of breeding smaller dogs. These surf the turf dropping outlets rewards the larger dog owner. Also it encourages the humans to fatten up their dogs. If you want to be able to watch an entire ten minute video of a cat who plays Mozart with it’s tail you are going to have to either have to save a week of Yorkie droppings or feed a Newfounland an entire chicken then pick the feathers out of the poo. I think it is a shame that you cannot get enough power to read the siht I write by using the siht I make. John Lennon was wrong: The sith you make is not equal to the sith you take. My siht is being discriminated against and I can’t stand for that siht.
And I am concerned for Mexico’s most famous dog, the Chihuahua. They, like us Yorkies, don’t generate much energy with our butt refuse. All I can picture is some poor Chihuahua owner in Mexico upset he can’t watch an entire Cheech and Chong video on You Tube shoving the entire Chihuahua into the station so they can find out if Cheech can find where he hid to pot.
They told us we were all created equal, then they said it wasn’t so; they told us we all had an equal chance,then they said it wasn’t so; they said we would all be treated the same, then they said it wasn’t so. At least we knew that all our siht was equal. But now they are saying it ain’t so.
I for one will not take this squatting.