Dear Aunt Foley: Rueful Romey

Dear Aunt Foley:  I love my Mom, and when she met my Dad I was very excited.  He’s a great guy and makes her happy.  Then Mom told me that I was her most trusted confidant, and there was no else she trusted planning her wedding.  The plans were coming together and we have worked together perfectly.  But then came the wedding dress.  I picked out one I thought was magnificent.  Mom agreed, but now she’s not sure.   Planning the wedding is my responsibility and I want her to wear the dress I picked out.  But, on the other paw, I think maybe I let Mom down by picking the wrong dress.  Please tell me what I should do. - Rueful Romey

Dear Rueful Romey:  I have been studying humans for a dozen years and nothing gets them more worked up than a wedding.  When humans are planning a wedding they take their brains out and put them on a shelf for a little time each day, and, as the wedding date grows closer they spend less time visiting their brains.  You can make lots of suggestions, and I am sure they’re all wonderful, but it is her wedding, and outside of the day you joined her pack it will be the best day of her life, so give her a lot of leeway and understand when she changes her mind.  It has nothing to do with your mind, her love for you, or what I am sure is a great job you are doing as a wedding planner.  It just has to do with her not visiting her mind too often.  So just stick by her, be the loyal friend you have been, ride out her changes of mind, and pray for the wedding day to come soon.

Dear Aunt Foley:  Hi Aunt Foley.  I have never asked for advice before.  But I am a new dog and I’m really not sure what I should be doing.  I have learned to do my business outside and not inside but I am stumped about the couch in the sun room.  It seems to come with odd rules.  I can get up on it (I am very proud of this) but I am not allowed to get on the back of it.  I lay down on the couch to nap and it is very comfy but if I stand on the back of it, or lie down on the back of it, Mommy makes me get down.  When I moved into the house I did not get a pamphlet on the couch rules, can you enlighten me? - Sophie on the Sofa

Dear Sophie:  The only rule to remember is that you Mommy loves you very much and wants to keep you safe.  Mommies are funny.   If we are sleeping on the couch, have a dream, and roll off, that’s funny, but if we jump on the back of the couch, then fall off, that’s a tragedy.  Speaking as another small in the leg pup I can tell you that Mommies get very worried when we get up high, so try not to get too high, and try not to make your Mommy worry, but, I can assure you, when it comes to Mommies, that is nearly impossible.

Dear Aunt Foley:  I had one of the strangest experiences of my life.  My Mommy sent me across the border to Mexico to get groomed.  She was very worried about this but my Dad said it would be fine.  And when I came home nicely groomed it seemed that Dad was, in fact, correct.  But that night I went out to do my business and when I laid my Vick on the grass a small plastic bag came out with it.  Then a man stepped out of the bushes and said “yo, dog, thanks for the package,” picked the bag out of my poo and left.  What’s up with that?  - Stuffed Pepper

Dear Pepper:  Oh Pepper I have seen this happen a thousand times.  We have wonderful friends in Mexico, and there are hard working, honest people there, but there are also bad people who will do anything to smuggle barkotics into our country.  It is obvious to me that sometime during your grooming you were fed a bag of these barkotics and when you were brought home, and Vicked, the package of drugs came out.  Don’t worry, you will be fine, but just keep in mind that, for part of this month, you were more mule than dog.