On Friday our Uncle Tom (that is his real name, I am not here to protect his innocence) and our Aunt Charlotte came for their monthly sit around and talk too loudly for Pocket and I to get any pre sleep sleep, gathering. Sometimes they bring pizza but this time they brought Chinese food.
am not a big proponent of Chinese food. All that rice, chippy bones,
meat on sticks, and fried food do not make for great table scraps.
Honestly, I don’t know why humans do this, I think the way they batter
and fry is a terrible thing to do to a perfectly good chicken.
on this Friday something miraculous happened that I didn’t see coming.
While the humans were talking about things that no dog would ever find
interesting (and they complain about our barking) Uncle Tom was putting a
piece of what is called General Tso’s chicken onto his plate when it
fell onto the floor.
am 12, and old, but when there is a piece of chicken on the floor I am
faster than the wind, which Uncle Tom can attest to, because before he
could bend down I was on that chicken and had it in my mouth. I was
lucky it was boneless because that would have created quite a ruckus.
As it was all the humans peered under the table.
began to slide down under the table to take the chicken away from me
but I put up a paw and signaled to him that I had this. I am missing a
couple of teeth, and the remaining ones don’t work as well as they used
to, but there was no way I was letting this little bit of chicken from
heaven get away from me.
must admit it was very spicy. My tongue began to burn and my lips felt
like they were on fire. I had never tasted anything quite like it
before. It also took up my entire mouth so I had to chew and swallow
from the side of my mouth while keeping the bigger part firmly between
my tongue and the top of my mouth.
my tongue would sag, and I would gag a little, and everyone would reach
for me, but I got the giant piece of chicken under control and worked
on it some more. I felt it slide down my gullet like a firery bird.
Occasionally I would make the gagging sound just to watch the humans
took me more than a minute but I finally finished it. Let me tell you,
that China Man makes a mean bird. (Note: Pocket tells me that I the
term China Man is offensive. Well, he’s from China, he’s a man, and he
made a bird, so if someone can tell me what’s wrong with that sentence I
will send you a big poop on your award.)
of poop, which most of my blogs do, General Tso, much like President
Bush, must have been a general who was great at invading cities but
never knew when to pull out and move on because while the piece went
down easy it didn’t quite come out that way.
had the rumbling tummy for the rest of the night, and then on Saturday,
I sent a world record having five perfectly formed bowel movements in
one day. (The overeating was not helped by Daddy allowing Pocket and I
to share a fortune cookie. Our cookie read “Pocket sleep down wind of
Foley.”) I had to concentrate very hard to make them perfectly formed
but I knew if I had messy poo I would never eat chicken in this town
Of course, a half hour after eating General Tso’s chicken I was hungry again.
wait until the next time Uncle Tom with the slippery fingers comes over
again and drops something else tasty. I want him to know the door is
always open to him. It has to be. You can’t turn a knob with slippery