Ask Aunt Foley

Dear Aunt Foley:  I think most humans agree that us dogs show the same emotions that they do.  But there are still humans who study dogs, and insist that we do not show emotion.  Now that you are on the immortal side of the River of Life, can you provide any insight on this long debated question?  Emotional in Pittsburgh

Dear Emotional:  Now that I am on the immortal side of the Bridge I so enjoy the theorists and philosophers on the mortal side who struggle with the mysteries of life.  Although I have taken an oath not to reveal the secrets contained  on the immortal side I will tell you that the entirety of life is more spectacular and fascinating than mere mortal minds can comprehend.  As for your question I will answer this:  There are two schools of thought popular with humans, one, that man is descended from the ape, and second, that God created Adam and then Eve from a rib and all humans are descended from them, both of which are terribly wrong.  

The actual story of Adam and Eve didn’t take place at the Garden of Eden, but the Olive Garden, Eve didn’t tempt Adam with an apple from a snake, but with a fruit salad made with calamari, which Adam did not find to his taste, causing him to start a fight with the manager, and getting them banished from the Olive Garden, making complaining about the blessing of food the true original sin.

Which brings me to evolution and the answer to your question.  Humans hate the idea that they evolved from feces throwing, crap eating, masturbating monkeys.  So humans produce opinions that makes the idea of being evolved from monkeys seem ridiculous by saying that men cannot be evolved from monkeys because monkeys don’t experience emotions, and then they use that conclusion to cover all animals.

In truth man is not evolved from apes.  Man did start in the ocean, and then crawled out to land, and then developed into the perfect state of dog. At that point dogs felt the need to take care of someone, and to be taken care of, so one set of dogs decided to walk upright, grow slope noses, and become man, while other stayed in the perfect state of dogs, and those that didn’t develop correctly became monkeys.  That is why we bond so well.  We are all part of the same family.

And if you are worried about the hand of God in this story, this is being by a Yorkie who was last seen on the mortal side of life in June of last year, if  you can’t find a reasons to believe in that then I don’t know if you will be able to find a reason to believe in anything.