Ask Aunt Foley: Will Spring Ever Arrive?

          Dear Aunt Foley:    We are being buried with snow.  Have we been forsaken?  -  Pokey

          Dear Pokey:  Oh goodness no.  We have not forsaken you.  Last year I caused a lot of snow by having a hockey game over the United States.  This year I moved it to Russia.  They haven’t noticed.

          I know this has been quite a lot for our New England friends to bear.  I flew up to the Big Guy’s and begged for mercy.  First he said:  “Well it has to go somewhere;” and then, when further pressed, said:  “Well that Belichick guy just annoys me.”  He had me there.

          He has promised me that the snow will be ending soon, mid-April at the latest.  By early September the last of the snow banks will be gone.  Just hunker down and take it one shovel full at a time.  Don’t leave your house in search of the green fields of Chile, you will never make it.  And don’t be tempted to reach for your worn copy of the Donner Party cookbook.

          I will share with you one of my pet peeves.  That freaking groundhog.  You know what he is?  A fat rat with a good publicist.  He has no idea how many more weeks of winter there is going to be.  And I don’t want to burst your illusions but the Phil they snatch from his home now isn’t the original.  We have the original up here and he comes out of his hole once a day, looks around and says “six more weeks of winter” then goes back in his hole.  Freaking idiot!  We don’t even have winter here!  Uppity rodent.

          I am going to work on Mother Nature to persuade her to remove all the snow by Opening Day.  Then again Mookie Betts stealing a homerun by climbing a snow bank might be a good thing.

          That Belichick guy would think so.