Thursday, January 4, 2018

Pocket and the Secret Words

It is time for New Year’s resolutions, some of which I endeavor to keep before the final sunsets on 2018.

I am resolving to make my parent's life easier.  While on my walks, or looking out my back window, I bark at any person, dog, or cat I see, and sometimes I bark just to hear to my own melodious tone.  I do not vow to cease my barking, but I am willing to cooperate with my parents’ wishes that the noise is quieted.

Every dog has certain words that, when heard, immediately makes them stop barking.
Unfortunately, all the words that make me stop barking are racist.  When we are on walks, and my Dad is afraid my barking will cause the neighbors to complain, he will scan his surroundings to confirm there is no one within earshot and softly say one of the magic racist terms to stop my vocal expression.


Inevitably there will be someone behind a house who hears my Dad imploring me to stop barking via the secret word and that person will amble over to him and say “what did you call me?”  Daddy will explain to the stranger that he was trying to make us stop barking.  The person will look down at us and say “They don’t seem to be barking.”  That is when we have to save him from a certain beating by using our awesome power of cuteness.

But some people are not persuaded even by cuteness.  So we had to change our ways.  We have developed not just new words, but phrases that will make us not only stop barking but faithfully heal.  And I am going to let you know these phrases in case you would like to use them too.  They are:  

“Attention citizens:  I am here to announce that I am a registered sex-offender.”

“I just took a big poopy in my pants, and I don’t care.”

And: “I’m a lumberjack, and I’m OK.  I sleep all night and work all day.  I like to dress up in ladies’ clothing and hang around in bars!”

With such a wide array of phrases, I am sure my Dad will keep us quiet on our walks, and my resolution will be successful.

If not it is his fault.



12 comments:

  1. Those are some pretty powerful phrases,,,ca't wait to try them out

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  2. Wow, we wonder why these make you stop. But of course they make hoomans stop so why not dogs BOL?

    Keep Calm & Bark On!

    Murphy & Stanley

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  3. Those are some pretty juicy phrases! If ghostwriter wants me to quietly stalk a squirrel, she speaks in whispers. I automatically go into stealth mode. This only works if there is an actual squirrel outside. Otherwise I bark at everything as is the legacy of all the cocker spaniels who have lived in this house. Walkies was almost always after dark so as to not encounter anyone or anything to bark at.

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  4. Pocket, you crack us up - we are going to have to be sure Mom hears about this great technique:)

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

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  5. These are very good phrases to use BOL!
    hugs
    Hazel & Mabel

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  6. Yes, and you should also tell him you will not bark at..."I am out of the closet!" or "I love bong hits!" (a fave here in CA now that the wacky tabacky is legal) Just a few suggestions if the lumberjack one doesn't work.....
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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  7. I'm sure those magical phrases works wonders!

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  8. I can't even imagine what the racist commands were if these phrases are better! Maybe he could try, "Dog catcher!"

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