Beat This Caption

 

"Hello Jungle Movers? This is Mr. Wilson. None of my stuff was delivered to my apartment. Yes, I'm# sure. Even my trunk is missing

Monday Question

 

What do you do when you alone?

If I am in a crate I sit and sulk but if I am loose I sit in a chair, look out the window, and bark at anything that comes near

The Ruby Rose Report: A Dashing Dog

 

The problems of the tumultuous world crashed into our house at the beginning of June when my Dad got laid off from General Mills after 13 years.

It was not unexpected. Over the last few months, his employer had been giving him busy work, which was not only a waste of time but also prevented him from doing the job he was paid to do. This is what employers do when they are about to lay off a large number of staff, hoping to get them to leave before the layoff to cut down on the unemployment insurance hit. 

My Dad had prepared for the eventuality, and the day after he was laid off, he began to work for DoorDash, delivering food, drinks, and groceries to people under the delusion that they could spend double for a bacon cheeseburger because they had a surplus of money and a deficiency of time. 

My Dad has never minded working but he doesn’t like leaving Mommy and me at home so once a week we go with him. My Mommy and he talk, and I sit in the back, in my car seat, happy to tag along,

Until they tried to kill me.,

Like all near-death experiences, it began innocently enough. DoorDash gives the workers their assignment through an app, so when Daddy knocked the phone off the holder, and it went flying, he had to find it.

Daddy searched below the seats, pushed the seats back and forth, stuck his hands down the side of the seats, and could not find it. He removed the floor mats to no avail. He was stumped.

The phone had somehow landed perfectly in the track the seats sit in which allows it to go back and forth. Angry that such a freak occurrence had occurred and cost him time and money, he threw the mats in the car, put it in drive, and began to travel.

We were in a parking lot, and the car began to rapidly accelerate towards a row of parked cars. My Dad tried to stop and couldn’t. The floor mat was wedged under the brake, and over the gas. We were a tiny runaway train.

Within seconds of crashing Daddy decided a busted transmission was better than a crash and slipped the car into park.

The angels must have been with us because the slipping of a moving vehicle into park did no damage to the car and the rest of the day occurred without event.

As for me, I am raring to go again.

As long as there is a doggy seat belt. 

Nature Friday

This week, after a much-needed pruning to cut away shoots that were not blooming, the 100-year-old rambling rose bush bloomed.

Taking care of the rose bush is a year-round occupation, which might seem a lot for a plant that is only in bloom for two weeks, but for gardeners, it is labor worth a brief result.

For those who don’t know, the 100-year-old rambling rose bush began as my Dad’s grandad's dream while in the trenches in World War I. He said if God allowed him to go home someday he would do nothing but take care of rose bushes his entire life.

When he got home he pulled a shoot out of the only place he knew the Krauts wouldn’t find it, his ass.

Wait…that’s not the right story.

When he got home he bought the rose bush, and his two children took shoots from it and planted them i their yards, and the grandkids did the same, and now the rose bush grows in several locations across Massachusetts.

Daddy was watering it today when Dirty Cat, who was born under the house a couple of years ago, and never strays too far from its birth home showed up and asked if the kitchen was open. “I will gladly give you a mouse on Tuesday for some kibble today,” he said.

Daddy got a handful of cat food he kept to feed the feral and tossed it towards Dirty Cat. 

Daddy went back to watering the gardens when he saw a black and white cat, Jimmy the Gent, sneaking up. Daddy doesn’t believe in interfering with nature, but he was considering squirting Jimmy the Gent when Dirty Cat lifted his tail and let out a sharp cry of warning.

Jimmy the Gent slinked away.

Whether it is a dream of a rose bush that lasts a hundred years, or a tiny cat living off scraps scaring off a foe, nature has a way of protecting the underdog allowing them to thrive. 

Poetry Thursday

Meet George Jetson

Jane his wife

He had read a lesson

About living in the air, high above the strife

II

First George bought an Aerocar

That he couldn’t help but show off

Despite Elon’s design the flying car didn’t go far

And his friends told him airborne cars were best left to Asimov

III

Buttt, George would not relinquish the dream of Star City

High in the sky amongst family and friends

Living in the clouds would be pretty   

Seeing a world without end

IV

What George needed was financial backers

If his sky city idea would come true

But the money men told him he was clearly crackers

And George cursed them because no one wanted to invest in anything new

V

So George built the house himself

And called it a sky home even though it did not get off the ground

Jane moved in with him on September 12th

With Astro a basset hound. 

VI

After ten years George finally finished his home

In the center was an engine that began to roar

The house lifted and burst through the atmospheric dome

And into space the house did soar

VII

Judy laughed then asked how they got down

A startled George dropped his coffee cup

And said to Judy with  a frown

“I only built it to go up.”

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

I called this morning and specifically said to put the red book aside for me. I come in, and this cat has the red book. 

I want to see the manager because someone is going to pay,  

Monday Question

 When you dream what do you dream about?

Ruby's answer: I dream I am snuggled under the covers sleeping with my parents and when I wake up my dreams comes true. 

Foley''s Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Two Parades

 It has been almost three months since I wrote a post for the blog I created. I thought it was important to let Ruby get more experience writing this. Also, at the Bridge, we don't measure time. When you have eternity, time becomes unimportant. 

    But, this is still a blog I created, and when I have some to say Ruby has agreed to cede today's post to me.

    Because I had some after-life altering occur to me yesterday.

    I went to a parade.

    I hadn't planned to do so. I was doing my daily walk through Doggyspace Village, and Blogvillle when I heard a commotion from the human side. 

    I walked over and saw a large parade featuring machines I had never seen on the mortal side. I saw a man in a big suit and red tie slumped on a throne surrounded by guards.,

    I went over to the bleachers where he was sitting, jumped up, wiggled through the legs, and sat next to the commander. (A Yorkie goes unnoticed. We would make excellent assassins, but that takes a lot of planning and cuts into our nap time, which is why we stay peace-loving. No one wants a sleepy assassin.

    I asked the man what he was doing.

    "There are weapons I developed. I want my enemies to see them, so they fear me, and don't attack me."

    "Who is going to attack you at the Bridge."

    "You never know, we have to stay vigilant."

    I couldn't imagine why. A huge machine, that looked like a tank with a trunk with hair went by. I asked what it was.

    "It's a bamboozle launcher. It hits my enemies with a thousand bamboozles. It will make them fear me.,"

   “And what is that?” I asked as a giant spider folate overhead.

    “That is an arachnidspinner. It shoots out webs to wrap around, squeeze, and destroy buildings.”

    Then I saw Oompaloompas and was happy to see something familiar until they exploded and covered everyone in toxic purple. The commander laughed uproariously, then suddenly stopped. He looked around. “Where did all the people go?” he asked looking at the emput sidewalks and bleachers.

    We heard the crowd cheering. We followed the sound and came to another parade. People carried flowers, and candy, passing them out, and giving hugs and kisses.

    “What is this?” the commander commanded.

     A little girl with a pink balloon approached and said “It’s a peace parade,” she explained.

    “A peace parade?” the commander whined. “What is so exciting about that.”

    “Because peace should be celebrated, and war shunned,” I explained. “Acknowledging hate is foolish, recognizing love is wise.  ”

 “But there are no bamboozles, no arachnidspinners, not even an Oompaloompa,” he cried. 

   “No,” I said. “Just peace.”

    And then a rogue Ooompa Loopa hugged the commander, and then exploded, and all that was left was an orange and purple puddle.

    I went back to celebrate the peace parade.

    It was the best parade I have ever witnessed.  

Nature Friday

 . It is time for Nature Friday thanks to our hosts the LLB Gang

I got up this morning, took a picture of Foley’s garden, wrote my Nature Friday blog, and went back to sleep.

When I awoke I looked outside for one last check before publishing my blog and saw my meddling parents had moved things around.

This is our 15th year of gardening and the first that has been done by my Dad mainly since Mommy’s body will no longer support weeding or plaanting, and I don’t have opposable thumbs, and would help with the digging, but it ruins my nails. Subsequently, there has been some talk of moving to a place more accessible for Mom, so this could be our last year gardening, and if so we want to go out with a bang.

My parents have learned not to plant annuals in the ground because the weather changes, and some flowers that were thriving begin to waste away, and need more or less sun, and the same with water.

My Dad, as chief gardner, who still takes orders from Mom, our gardner emeritus, has a “Picture This” app which, after you upload a picture of your plant, shows the name, a description, and if the plant is healthy. The bag of Impatient

s that were hanging from a tree branch behind Foley’s garden looked sick, and had to be moved to the side garden. Impatiens usually don’t do well in direct sunlight. The black planter in the front of the garden has Impatients that were drying up in the side garden. They look wilted but hopefully they will bounce back. 

The tippy tricycle hold Impatiens that had to be scraped off the mulch when the planter lived up to its name. To the right are a planter full of marigolds. 

In front, to the left are Tiger Lilies yet to bloom, the aptly named Big Leaf Hydrangea, and a great laurel.

Hanging in the back is a hanging plant with Garden petunia.

There is some flox on the ground not in bloom.

Hanging from the tree, where the hanging Impatiens had been, is a wind chime gifted from a friend after Foley went to the Bridge, and a humming bird feeder.

The chairs in the back were from Target.

Here is a picture of Foley’s garden.

Given my parent’s obsession it may look different tomorrow.

Poetry Thursday

It was 78 years ago today

Dr Scholll put together a band to play

Their clothes may have gone out of style

And it cost them each $2,000 in dental work just to smile

So may I introduce to you

The act that emails from jailed grandchildren fill with fear

Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band 

We’re Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

We are happy to perform this show

We’re Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

But at our age we are happy to be able to get up and go

 Dr Scholl's Plantar  Dr Scholl's Plantar

Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

It's wonderful to be anywhere

As long as we don’t forget our pills

You’re such a lovely audience 

Would you like a Werther’s Original?

Or a hard candy I’ve had since 1974?

I don't really want to stop the show

But I thought you might like to know

That the singer peed on then floor

He doesn't wear his diaper when on tour

So the urine puddle on the floor

Is from Mr. Billy Shears

And Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

My God, you''re right, we don't have uvulas.  

Monday Question

 Have you ever spent the night anywhere then where you are right now?

Ruby''s answer: I have a slept at my first mom's house in Florida and one night with the transport woman who brought me to them

The Ruby Rose Report: The Green House

 

My parents don’t admit it often, but on walks, I embarrass them.

When I see a person while walking, I stop, bark, stand on my back legs, and flip the human off using my front paws.

Well, I try but my arms flop around helplessly like that dinosaur in the Toy Story movies.

Unable to show my displeasure with a gesture, I bark, and even snarl while my parents apologize, and say I am really a good dog.

What do I mean to them? I am dangerous, and I am the enemy.

So, when Mommy rolled out of the house to go to her favorite nursery to buy flowers, I figured that Daddy and I would stay in the car as we have done the last three years. But, lately, Mommy has become as unsteady as RFK Jr at a cabinet meeting, and when they got to the nursery Mommy told Daddy she wanted him to go with her.

“But what about Ruby?” Daddy asked.

Leaving me in the car was out of the question. “Take her with us,” Mommy said. “She’ll do fine.” 

I would like to say it was a display of confidence, but I knew it was more of her lack of confidence in her mobility that spurred the decision.

Mommy used her cane to stumble over to get a cart. Mommy looks bad when she is walking. People are always ready to assist her. One of the workers said they would push the cart for her but Mommy said she needed it for balance. 

Meanwhile, Daddy got me out of the car. There were maybe a dozen people there, and he was sure I would undergo my Griffon to Jackass transformation.

And, I would like to have, but there were so many smells, I was too distracted to be obnoxious. I wasn’t friendly, but not hostile either. On this day, I was just a dog.

The biggest worry I had was getting hit by Mommy, who was operating the cart like Joe Biden riding a bicycle, cutting back and forth. Daddy tried to rush her like he would a carrier turkey, who he was urging to quickly deliver ots letter because they don’t stay up for long.

I was very interested in what was under the tables with the flowers. These were the most smells I encountered since a layover in Atlanta when I was traveling to my new parents. 

I heard people talking about me, and how cute I was, and I looked up at them and smiled, not because I was glad to see them but because the greenhouse was hotter than Daddy’s balls after he mowed the lawn. I can’t sit on his lap when he is like that. I feel like a slow-cooked rotisserie chicken.

Everyone was very courteous to me and friendly to Daddy, who was anxious to get home and tell his friends if they thought they attracted attention walking a dog they should do it with a crippled lady too.

Finally, Mommy was done, and the flowers were paid for. The woman at the register told me I was cute and tried to make me bark, which I declined because once I started barking I couldn’t find the off switch, 

Then it was time to go home where I could rest, or so I thought, but I was placed in my stroller while Daddy set up the planters for Mommy and she was able to do her flower arrangements which she loved.

Finally I went inside, got on my recliner, and took a nap until dinner time.

I hope I can go to more places with my parents. I promise not to bark and people or snarl, but I do reserve the right to fart in their general direction., 

Friday Fill In

 

It’s Fill-In-Friday brought to us by our two hosts at 15andmeowing and Four-Legged Furballs.   They give us four sentences with blanks for us to fill in. I filled, Ruby Rose, filled in the blanks in blue to the best of my ability.

1. My plans for June include

sleeping some more and eat, fart, poop and sleep some more 

2. I would love to have

P Diddy mentor

me so I can learn how to deal with the bitches who walk my street. 

3. was an aha moment for me

I was just hanging out by the treat bowl and was handed I treat.

I have known where to stand ever since

4. I was not prepared for

my ovaries being removed by a surgeon

who was blessed with the delicate touch of a zombie

going for my liver  when I reached adulthood.

Poetry Thursday

 

My friends the Two Spoiled Cats have provided the following photo as inspiration for Poetry Thursday

Since Paul was a boy

With an EZ Bake oven as a toy

Cooking is what brought him joy 

Where he would serve the hoi polloi

His parents told him it was a silly dream

But he bought a property by the Old Mill Stream

Planned to hire the best restaurant team

And have a nautical theme

“I don’t like the look of these pipes”

Said Building Inspector Snipe

“The sewer system calls for a whole different type”

But Paul thought Snipe just wanted to gripe

No pipes were installed for opening night

Paul prayed everything would go right

The people streaming in were quite a sight

All looking for a perfect bite

He had planned for the right amount of mushrooms

And the freshest legumes

But one thing foretold his doom

He had not counted on the number of people using the bathroom

Halfway through dinner the pipes burst

And a lovely evening turned out for the worst

And as the water cascaded down a wall all Paul could do was stand cand curse

Costly repairs would bust his purse

Paul put his dream of a restaurant aside

Since the walls never dried

And after inspecting the property he did decide

To open an indoor water slide. 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Tiny told his mom "I got the stick, I got it, it's mine, I got it, it's mine. Tell Jake to let go, it's mine."

Monday Question

 My parents are thinking of changing my food. When we the last time they changed yours?

The Ruby Rose Report: The NBA Tonight Hosts and Ruby's Big Event

 

ERNIE JOHNSON: “It is a historic day here in the Village of Old People and Little Dogs, one many of us never thought we would see. Ruby Rose, the face Griffon, for this first time in almost three years living here, has peed outside.  Let’s go to Kenny Smith at the Big Board.”

KENNY SMITH:  “Here you see Ruby on a walk with her dad, whose head is buried in his phone. She is pulling to get across the street, and her weak-willed Dad lets her lead him across the street. Now you see this grassy area on the corner. This is where she reads her pee-mail Today, suddenly, without warning, she squatted, and left a pee response.”

CHARLES BARKLEY: “I was stunned. Ruby has been left wide open to pee but always passed, but today she shocked the world.”

SHAQUILLE O’NEIL: “A little dog peed outside. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

ERNIE JOHNSON: “Kenny is with a witness right now.”

WITNESS: “I was looking outside to see if anyone put out the trash because it is trash day tomorrow but Monday was a holiday so that means the trash day got pushed back but sometimes they work on holidays and I don’t want to miss trash days because my son Roger finally cut the grass and put the clippings in the barrel and I don’t have room for another week’s trash.”

KENNY SMITH: “But did you witness the momentous event when Ruby peed?”

WITNESS: “I don’t remember, now get off my steps before I call ICE, but first put the trash out.”

ERNIE JOHNSON: Ruby has just returned from her walk and is standing by the lawn. Ruby, what made you finally pee outside?”

RUBY: “I took a big drink of water before going got a walk and couldn’t hold it in any longer.” 

ERNIE JOHNSON: “Did you leave a pee mail.”

RUBY: “Yes, I wrote ‘Long time reader, first-time urinator, and not to put your trash out Monday was a holiday.”

ERNIE JOHNSON: “One more thing Ruby, I know you want to get inside to see your mom, do you plan to pee outside ever again?”

RUBY: “I don’t think so, I am not an animal.”