The Ruby Rose Report: The Green House

 

My parents don’t admit it often, but on walks, I embarrass them.

When I see a person while walking, I stop, bark, stand on my back legs, and flip the human off using my front paws.

Well, I try but my arms flop around helplessly like that dinosaur in the Toy Story movies.

Unable to show my displeasure with a gesture, I bark, and even snarl while my parents apologize, and say I am really a good dog.

What do I mean to them? I am dangerous, and I am the enemy.

So, when Mommy rolled out of the house to go to her favorite nursery to buy flowers, I figured that Daddy and I would stay in the car as we have done the last three years. But, lately, Mommy has become as unsteady as RFK Jr at a cabinet meeting, and when they got to the nursery Mommy told Daddy she wanted him to go with her.

“But what about Ruby?” Daddy asked.

Leaving me in the car was out of the question. “Take her with us,” Mommy said. “She’ll do fine.” 

I would like to say it was a display of confidence, but I knew it was more of her lack of confidence in her mobility that spurred the decision.

Mommy used her cane to stumble over to get a cart. Mommy looks bad when she is walking. People are always ready to assist her. One of the workers said they would push the cart for her but Mommy said she needed it for balance. 

Meanwhile, Daddy got me out of the car. There were maybe a dozen people there, and he was sure I would undergo my Griffon to Jackass transformation.

And, I would like to have, but there were so many smells, I was too distracted to be obnoxious. I wasn’t friendly, but not hostile either. On this day, I was just a dog.

The biggest worry I had was getting hit by Mommy, who was operating the cart like Joe Biden riding a bicycle, cutting back and forth. Daddy tried to rush her like he would a carrier turkey, who he was urging to quickly deliver ots letter because they don’t stay up for long.

I was very interested in what was under the tables with the flowers. These were the most smells I encountered since a layover in Atlanta when I was traveling to my new parents. 

I heard people talking about me, and how cute I was, and I looked up at them and smiled, not because I was glad to see them but because the greenhouse was hotter than Daddy’s balls after he mowed the lawn. I can’t sit on his lap when he is like that. I feel like a slow-cooked rotisserie chicken.

Everyone was very courteous to me and friendly to Daddy, who was anxious to get home and tell his friends if they thought they attracted attention walking a dog they should do it with a crippled lady too.

Finally, Mommy was done, and the flowers were paid for. The woman at the register told me I was cute and tried to make me bark, which I declined because once I started barking I couldn’t find the off switch, 

Then it was time to go home where I could rest, or so I thought, but I was placed in my stroller while Daddy set up the planters for Mommy and she was able to do her flower arrangements which she loved.

Finally I went inside, got on my recliner, and took a nap until dinner time.

I hope I can go to more places with my parents. I promise not to bark and people or snarl, but I do reserve the right to fart in their general direction.,