Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

"Hey! Cazzo you!"

Tony was involved in a toxic relationship with the doorman. 

The Ruby Rose Report: A Brief Burst of Freedom

 

You may find this hard to believe, but in the real world, I am not as friendly as I am online.

I don’t trust people because one of them came to my Florida home, snatched me up, put me in a box, and took me on an airplane. Within a day I was with the two best people in the world, and I was very happy, but I was still worried that every person who came to the house was going to snatch me back, so I stayed in a safe unsnatchable place. 

As for dogs, I don’t like them either. They know I have the perfect parents, except when it comes to gullibility. The cats have already taken advantage of them. The only good part of my parents feeding them is they drop kibble, which I clean up. It tastes like state fish candy. It’s not the worst thing I have put in my mouth.

My parents draw less of a crowd at their house than the A’s playing a midnight double header in the rain. There have been four people who have crossed our threshold since the New Year: Mommy’s brother and his wife, who have come over several times, and I like, mostly because they stay in the kitchen and eat, (even though I got stepped on once.) The other two came to fix things. I keep my distance from them. 

This all leads up to Monday before supper. I was taking my late-day walk, when I sniff, roll, barked, and danced (anything but peeing or pooping). We came across a woman with a little black dog who was waving his paws at us. “Keep away,” I thought. The woman was saying how friendly the dog was, and Daddy was saying how unfriendly I was, but my parents had talked about socializing me (I am a Patriot and against socialism) so they tried to get me to say hi.

First, Daddy picked me up so I could smell the dog (who smelled like a dog) and then he knelt, still holding me, then put me on the ground. The other dog stuck his nose on mine (how rude!).

I backed up out of my harness, then through the five holes between Daddy’s legs, and quickly began walking home, like an old man at the Registry who just found out his vision precluded him from driving. I took a few steps, then looked back at my dad and the woman, my betrayers, then continued home.

I made it past one driveway before Daddy caught up to me, and slipped the harness on me, for the final time, because I had exposed it as a means of escape. 

I knew I had scared him, and what would even more was having to tell Mommy. His mind raced with a thousand things that could have happened, which was good. I needed him good and scared so that never happens again.

Maybe I should be more friendly with dogs, and with humans too, and to excitedly greet everyone who comes in the house and let them rub me all over, and to play with their dogs, running and nipping, and I can be a well-rounded and happy dog.

Nah!

 

Foley's Tails from Rainbow Bridge: The Dog Who fell out the Window

 

On Friday mornings my Dad is always late for work. He is assigned to work in Fall River that day, and no matter how early he leaves, or how optimistic Waze is, he is always late. (The reason Lizzie Borden took an axe to her parents: Traffic. In the past month, he has been impeded by a sewer main break, a washed-out road, and a family of turkeys in the street. Why did the turkey cross the road? To make my Dad late for work. (At least according to him. Men think everything, even lazy birds, is because of them.)

Because the fates are so determined to keep my Dad from being punctual, and his solution was to drive faster, he needed an angel on his shoulder, and I volunteered.

He was driving down the road, sandwiched between to cars, when suddenly a little whiter Terrier mix jumped out of the leading car’s back driver’s window. He landed on his side, scared, and probably in pain, and began to run down the street as distracted drives hurried to their destinations.

Daddy stopped the car in the middle of the street, with his engine running, jumped out of the car, and began to stop traffic, until the little dog decided to run into a yard.

I needed to perform Emergency Angel Services. I flew towards the little dog. His mom, driving the car, realized her dog was no longer in the back seat and turned around. She drove back to where the initial fall happened and began to call the dog’s name. Daddy told her the dog was too scared to respond, and the best thing for her to do was drive past the house where the dog was hiding, then come back and calmly call her baby.

I went to the scared dog and made things worse, forgetting that the last thing any soul who has had a life-threatening experience wants to see is an angel. I assured her I was an angel of yip, not death, but she was scared and confused. The most I could tell her was to stay still.

Her mom and my dad slowly walked up the driveway, until I whispered in his ear that he was scaring the dog, so he backed off. Soon, the dog forgave his mom and went back into her arms.

The woman remarked it was scary.

Daddy suggested the dog should go to the vet but didn’t think the woman would listen.

I told the dog if I needed to say my name three times I would be there, but she hasn’t. I hope that means as is well’

Please humans restrain your dog,

You will thank me later

Poetry Thursday

 It is Thursday and Two Spoiled Cats: Angel Teddy and Sammy have issued a challenge to see how the following picture inspired us.

Here is the picture followed by my meager attempt at poetry

Robert and Cal met once a week for drinks at a bar called the Giant Squid

Laughing over their youths and the adventures together they did.
Cal exclaimed: “Just for one day I would like to be a kid!”

“When we played ball, fished and both sought and did hid.”

 

At the next table sat a genie in human form

Listening to wishes and deciding who to transform.

He told Robert and Cal if they wanted to be kids there was an incarnation he could perform.

And when they said yes clouds sprung around them and produced an electrical storm.

 

When the clouds cleared Robert and Cal discovered they were again young

And from their barstools they were sprung

Then found a group of boys who they quickly became among

Finding an old tree with a tire that they both swung.

 

Then they came upon their favorite playground

With swings, slides, and even an old merry go round.

And while Robert tried to warn Cal his thinking was unsound

Cal got in the climbing bars that around him went round and round.

 

The men should have asked when the incarnation did end.

So, they could prepare for their return from the land of pretend.

And when it stopped Cal could not comprehend

That he was stuck in the bars with one up his rear end.

 

They yelled for help and people saw them and stopped their cars
And one of them was Cal’s wife just have visited her ma.

“You stupid fool,” she yelled at him with a voice like a drunk aged rock star

While men worked to free him with heavy duty crowbar

 

Cal was pulled from his trap hearty and hail.

But went home walking like it would be between his legs if he had a tail.

And all night his wife ranted and rail.

And Cal understood that the ones without bars make the most inescapable jail.

Wordless Wednesday

 

beat this caption

 vI am sorry, we can't weigh anything today, the scale is snitzy