River: Hello my minions. I am honored to be giving my first address as pack leader to my followers.
Pocket: Excuse me, exalted ruler, but you don’t have minions, you have minion, namely me.
River: No minions? I was promised minions. What good is a pack leader with only one minion? Might as well be a pup leader.
Pocket: Well. in essence, you are a pup leader and I am your only follower.
River: What about Mommy and Daddy, am I their leader?
Pocket: No, Mommy is the main leader. She controls the food and the treats. This is why you have to sit for her before you can eat and you can’t move until she tells you to. As for Daddy, he isn’t really a follower, he’s more like one of those wind up toys who might follow you for a few moments but ends up veering off and and getting stuck in a corner.
River: So I only lead you?
Pocket: That’s right.
River: How about if we got more dogs?
Pocket: We could do that. But believe me that’s not as good an idea as you think. You are going to have to share food, lap, love, toys, and new dogs are terribly annoying. And one of them could rise up and challenge you as pack leader then you wouldn’t have anyone to push around. Not even me.
River: OK. I will live with just bossing you around. Go make me a snack.
Pocket: I’d like to boss, but I am too small to get to the food.
River: Then when you get fed give me your food.
Pocket: Sorry boss. I would. I even back away from my food to let you eat it but Mommy intervenes and stops you then makes me eat my food.
River: So if I got rid of Mommy I could run the whole house.
Pocket: That’s right, but without Mommy we might have a house but it wouldn’t be a home.
River: So as pack leader what do I get?
Pocket: I let you walk first, let you have Mommy’s lap if you want it, let you lie down where you want to, let you get treats first, and get out of your way when you get the zooms.
River: You were doing that anyway!
Pocket: And now that you are recognized as pack leader if we both break something playing or one of us leaks you are getting the blame.
River: What a gyp!
Pocket: That’s right. Now I am going to take a nap. You have to fill out the daily paperwork putting down our food, poop and nap schedules, that’s one of the duties of pack leader.
River: What? Paperwork? You do it.
Pocket: Can’t, not the pack leader. The good news is if we ever snowed in and we have to pull Mommy and Daddy in a sled to get food you get to go first and I have to look at your butt hole the whole way.
River: Well that’s good news.
Pocket: Yes but the lead dog always get hit by the snow plow.
River: Oh man, I don’t want to get hit with a snow plow. You want to be pack leader?
Pocket: Nope. I had the job, but you wanted to go first, eat first, get Mommy’s lap, boss me around. You usurped me. Once you usurp me, I can’t surp.
River: Pocket, did you have this planned all along?
Pocket: Who me? I am just a sweet innocent little pup. I am going to nap. Good luck boss.
River: What a gyp!