Pocket Informs River What It Means To Be Pack Leader

River:  Hello my minions.  I am honored to be giving my first address as pack leader to my followers.

Pocket:  Excuse me, exalted ruler, but you don’t have minions, you have minion, namely me.

River:  No minions?  I was promised minions.  What good is a pack leader with only one minion?  Might as well be a pup leader.

Pocket:  Well. in essence, you are a pup leader and I am your only follower.

River:  What about Mommy and Daddy, am I their leader?

Pocket:  No, Mommy is the main leader.  She controls the food and the treats.  This is why you have to sit for her before you can eat and you can’t move until she tells you to.  As for Daddy, he isn’t really a follower, he’s more like one of those wind up toys who might follow you for a few moments but ends up veering off and and getting stuck in a corner.

River:  So I only lead you?

Pocket:  That’s right.

River:  How about if we got more dogs?

Pocket:  We could do that.  But believe me that’s not as good an idea as you think.  You are going to have to share food, lap, love, toys, and new dogs are terribly annoying.  And one of them could rise up and challenge you as pack leader then you wouldn’t have anyone to push around.  Not even me.

River:  OK.  I will live with just bossing you around. Go make me a snack.

Pocket:  I’d like to boss, but I am too small to get to the food.

River:  Then when you get fed give me your food.

Pocket:  Sorry boss.  I would.  I even back away from my food to let you eat it but Mommy intervenes and stops you then makes me eat my food.

River:  So if I got rid of Mommy I could run the whole house.

Pocket:  That’s right, but without Mommy we might have a house but it wouldn’t be a home.

River:  So as pack leader what do I get?

Pocket:  I let you walk first, let you have Mommy’s lap if you want it, let you lie down where you want to, let you get treats first, and get out of your way when you get the zooms.

River:  You were doing that anyway!

Pocket:  And now that you are recognized as pack leader if we both break something playing or one of us leaks you are getting the blame.

River:  What a gyp!

Pocket:  That’s right.  Now I am going to take a nap.  You have to fill out the daily paperwork putting down our food, poop and nap schedules, that’s one of the duties of pack leader.

River:  What?  Paperwork?  You do it.

Pocket:  Can’t, not the pack leader.  The good news is if we ever snowed in and we have to pull Mommy and Daddy in a sled to get food you get to go first and I have to look at your butt hole the whole way.

River:  Well that’s good news.

Pocket:  Yes but the lead dog always get hit by the snow plow.

River:  Oh man, I don’t want to get hit with a snow plow.  You want to be pack leader?

Pocket:  Nope.  I had the job, but you wanted to go first, eat first, get Mommy’s lap, boss me around.  You usurped me.  Once you usurp me, I can’t surp.  

River:  Pocket, did you have this planned all along?

Pocket:  Who me?  I am just a sweet innocent little pup.  I am going to nap.  Good luck boss.

River:  What a gyp!

Pocket Relinquishes Her Position As Pack Leader

After months of consideration and having met with my closest advisors I have decided to resign my position as leader of the Monster Pack that I had ascended to after Foley Monster went to the Bridge and endorse my sister River Song to take over as pack leader.

I would like to thank all of you who supported me in my time as pack leader.  It was a difficult adjustment for me and my friends support made it easier.  Some dogs are meant to be great leaders and some dogs are meant to support the leader.  In Foley Monster I had a great leader and learned to become a great follower.  When you become great at something you should concentrate on that.

So I leave my pack in the capable paws, er, paws, of my sister River Song.  What makes River qualified to be a Pack Leader? Well, firstly, she had a litter of her own so she is an experienced leader and secondly she is really bad at being a follower.

I prefered to lead by example.  I would gently show River where we go for treats, and how we patiently wait for them, and when Mommy handed them to us River would jump in front of me and snatch the treat.  Now Mommy makes her sit and wait for the treat while I have mine, but, as River explained to me, Mommy is making her wait, not me, and that’s what makes her a leader, even if she is second.

I have relinquished my position on my Mommy’s lap to River.  I do get plenty of time there while River is playing with her bones but when she comes over to Mommy’s chair and stands over me I have to hop down off of Mommy’s lap or risk getting bit.

I don’t mind not having Mommy’s lap.  I love it, but I like the spot in Daddy’s recliner right by him, between his leg and the soft arm. I can relax there and not have to worry about a dog jumping up and wanting to take that spot because no one wants to sit next to Daddy.

And for my friends who enjoy our blogs don’t worry, even under Foley’s regime I was the main editor, mostly because Foley hated spell check, and I will continue to manage our blog posts so they won’t be filled with tales of River’s youthful sexual exploits and renamed 50 Shades of Greyhound.

I also have given most of the bed to River.  She has commandeered the top of the bed so I stay down near my parent’s knees and feet.  She would like to get me out of the bed completely but Mommy won’t let her do that.  River is leashed to the headboard (speaking of 50 Shades of Greyhound) and can only go down as far as my parents knees.  She snaps at me if I try to go higher, but somehow, like Steve Martin and John Candy, we end up snuggled against one another when we wake up in the morning.

So I am no longer Pocket Dog Pack Leader, I am back to Pocket Dog faithful follower and friend.  Let others worry about leadership.  A comfortable place to sleep, and a Mother’s love is all I need.

(Good luck River.  I hope you have better luck at being a leader than I did (probably because you will have a much better follower.)