Are you ready for some Doga? A Foley Monster Blog

Recently Mommy’s doctor told her that she was considered totally disabled.  She had been working her way towards being totally disabled for awhile, she put in a lot of years of pain and not training to get there. She still gets around in short bursts, she isn’t confined to a wheelchair, or in need of a walker, and she does have one of those cool placards that let you park wherever you want.

To try to head off being disabled Mommy used to do yoga.  I would lie next to her on the mat and growl at Pocket whenever she tried to interrupt.  Now, to fight the arthritis that is disabling her Mommy has ordered a yoga CD for people with advanced arthritis.  But she won’t have me there to ward off Pocket, and as for River, she lives for human touch, so I doubt Mom will hit the mat before River is snuggled next to her, licking her hand.

But then I learned about something that could help both River and Mommy.  Humans are now taking doggie yoga classes, or “doga.”  Oh humans, the silly misinformed bastards who do so much for us.

The classes are described as an hour of quality time filled with petting, looking into each other’ eyes, and cuddling.  And this is a class!  Sold to humans to provide benefit for us!  Oh if I was of the Earthly realm I would give this brilliant charlatan a kiss.

An instructor said: “Some dogs have to do some gentle poses but most of the time they’re just hanging out snuggling.”   So humans are paying other humans to hang out with us and snuggle.  This is the closest thing to dog prostitution I have ever heard of.  One instructor said:  “Dogs are natural healers and it’s nice to bring them onto our mats and incorporate them into such a healing practice.”  I read the same thing on a website for teenage Russian Brides.  These are not yoga instructors.  They are puppy pimps!

Here are some common dogs positions:

• Chaturanaga: Your dog lies on his/her stomach while you stroke their back.  (Well Mom if you insist, and if it’s for your own good, I will do it, but it’s going to be so hard for me to lie next to  you while you stroke me.)
• Chair: You hold your dog from behind while it’s in the sitting position and raise the front paws in the air.  (You better buy a treat for me first, sailor.)
• Inner Dog Mudra: Rest your forehead on your dog’s forehead and connect the energy of your minds. (Daddy does this.  Mommy tells him he is crazy. And he is, because he should have got a patent on it.)

So grab a hold of your Mom and get her to a Doga class now.  It may not be good for them, or their pocketbooks, but it will definitely be good for you, and when we’re happy Mom’s happy so yoga away!