Last week we were in our stroller supervising Mommy cleaning the outside windows when, with our super secret hearing, we heard a terrible buzzing. We ignore lots of insects because they could be angels. But buzzing insects are never angels. That constant buzzing drives them crazy.
We looked by the kitchen window that Mommy was about to spray and saw the exhaust vent for the stove fan.. Tucked inside was a big wasp’s nest. We barked and barked because we know wasps get vicious when they are sprayed. Mommy saw it, thanked us, and we went inside.
When Daddy got home from work and Mommy told him about the wasp’s nest his face turned white He went outside and looked at the nest and came back in even whiter. I am very in tune with human emotions as his emotion as that he wanted no part of that wasp’s nests
But he knew he was the man of the house, at least since Foley went to the Bridge (she was a tough little lollipop) and he was the one who had to deal with the nest.
My parents made plans to get wasp spray. Before they did Daddy would obsessively check the nest, sometimes dragging River and I behind him at the end of our walks. We dug our feet in but we only weigh a combined 13 pounds and even when we went into beast mode we couldn’t stop him dragging us towards the ugly, buzzing thing.
Finally he got the spray and after he took me outside just before bedtime he worked up the nerve to go outside and deal with the wasps. He put on a hooded jacket and gloves, despite the muggy weather, grabbed the spray bottle and went outside. River and I waited nervously inside because we are nervous by nature and because Daddy usually screws these things up.
Sure enough, within 30 seconds we heard Daddy say “oh crap!” and then heard him run back to the house. He desperately yelled at Mommy that the can was only half full. Mommy gently pointed out to him that he did not take the new can of wasp spray, he took an old can. Daddy said OK but he didn’t seem happy about having to go out again. He was out for over a minute then came back and asked Mommy if she had a flashlight that had a straight beam of light and emphasized this by making a straight motion with his hand as if there could be any other interpretation.
Apparently Mommy was in charge of flashlights with straight beams of light. We did not have a working one. This was solved with a couple of batteries but Daddy could not wait for batteries and he used his cellphone. He held the cell phone up with one hand and knocked down the empty nest with the other to stop them from coming back. I began to think of the days Foley told me that Daddy made things way too dramatic.
The next day Daddy showed us all the dead bees that had gathered on top of the new air conditioner unit. I kind of felt bad for them. They never had a chance.
Well actually they did. If they only knew the nervous numbskull they were up against.