Oh humans. How we love you. And how you study us. You can’t just accept us for being your wonderful angels on both sides of the Bridge. You need to know what makes us tick. The newest study released is about how intelligent we are. How intelligent we are? Well we get you to clean up our poop so maybe the question is how intelligent are you?
That is our intelligence tests for humans. How do you pick up our poo? Do you grab it with one swift movement? Do you fumble it and get it on your fingers? Do you forget the bags and have to go back for them? Or, most ignorant of all, do you leave it on someone else’s yard or the pavement where it becomes part of someone’s shoe prints. It is very embarrassing for us dogs when our human fails this test.
Then there is the food test. This one is simple. Feed us! Now! We don’t care what it is. If you hand it to us it will be eaten. But so many human get stuck feeding us like Dr. Ben Carson stuck off stage before a debate. They just can’t hand us the food. You want your pups to think you are smart? Put the food down and back away.
The humans are studying us and they have found that we have measurable IQ’s and some dogs are smarter than others. Heck when I was on the mortal side I proved that when Mommy opened the cabinet door to get a treat. I ran to the cabinet door and Pocket ran to the front door thinking someone was here. Obviously I have the higher IQ and all it cost to prove it was a treat.
The real reason they are studying our intelligence is because they want to test the IQ’s of mammals who don’t smoke, drink or use recreational drugs. Well that’s one hell of an assumption now isn’t it? Have you ever wondered what happened to that last cigarette, beer or Quaalude? Of course you haven’t, you humans are either in a cloud of tobacco smoke or too drunk or too high to notice what we are doing.I do predict that this study will peter out without any findings as soon as the scientists realize that we are so much smarter than they are and then they will quietly go away to pick up our poo and feed us.