I was walking in the woods enjoying nature yesterday when I heard a gunshot. I turned around to see Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia shooting at some rabbits (don’t worry about the rabbits, they just play dead for the humans. Rabbits are angels too.) He was happy as a clam.
I gracefully interrupted him and introduced myself as a fellow member of the Bench. He told me that of course he had heard of me although I think he may have been being polite. I asked him who he thought should replace him and he said it no longer mattered to him. He was happy to be hunting without any distractions. He saw another rabbit and he slowly moved forward. “Why don’t you do it?” he suggested before he disappeared behind a blind.
“Why not indeed?” I thought. I know that the conservatives in the Senate do not want the President to nominate a candidate for the Supreme Court and if he does they do not want to vote for the candidate because that would be doing something and the Senate has not done anything for more than a decade but perhaps all that is needed is the perfect candidate.
And who is more perfect than I? I am smart, beautiful, sexy, and accomplished. I have been a trailblazer in dog law since pup hood. I do recognize my faults chief among them being my no longer living. But like any politician I plan to make my negatives positives.
Some legislative bodies allow what is commonly referred to as “ghost voting.” If a member is not present for a vote their peers may vote for them: Hence ghost voting. I think me not being technically alive would make me the lead candidate for ghost voters.
Many Senate members have gone on record to say they would not vote for either a man or woman nominated by the President. Well I am neither. Others say: “There is not a soul alive whose nomination we would support.” Those a more votes for me.
Lincoln said the America needed to heed the “better angels of our nature.” There are few better angels than I
So here I am: Not a man, not a woman, not alive, and a better angel. Who dares say no?Time to start shopping for a new robe.