Friday, April 14, 2017

Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Looking for the Great Bear


I have been asked to pray for lots of requests and have always found a way to at least try to accommodate my friends. But last week my friends Enzo, Maya, and Molly had a unique request. They were being terrorized by a wild, 300-pound bear, who was hungry, desperate, and breaking into houses in their quiet mountain town.

Enzo asked me to talk to the Great Bear at Rainbow Bridge. He wanted me to persuade Great Bear to reason with the marauding bear and leave their snow covered, no summer allowed, quiet mountain town in peace.

I had never said no to a prayer request before, but honestly, this one gave me pause. I may have been a five-pound whirlwind of daring-do and terror, but I had never gone up against a bear, not Pooh, not Yogi, not Gentle Ben, none of them. Bears are bad for your health, even if you are immortal.
But a Yorkshire Terrier can never refuse a favor during Passover. I put on my snowshoes and journeyed up the mountain into bear territory. I came upon a sleuth of six bears sitting on benches eating meat. “Oh look, an hors devours,” one of them said as he scooped me up. “I think it would look good dipped in honey.”
“Excuse me,” I said. I was unceremoniously dropped.
“My hors devours talked!” one bear said.
“Never stopped us before,” a second said.

I stood up, dusted myself off, and swallowed my indignation. “I am Judge Foley Monster of the Fourth Circuit of Rainbow Bridge, and I have come to meet with the Great Bear. I am not an hors devours.”
“Well you certainly aren’t a full meal,” the first bear said.
I ignored him. “Can someone please tell me where the Great Bear is?” I said impatiently.
“Keep going up, up and further up,” the first bear said. He took a piece of paper and wrote a note. I looked at it “I am not an hors devours. Do not eat.”
“You’re going to need that,” the bear said. The others laughed. I hate funny bears.
I pinned the note to my chest and climbed further, and suddenly I came to this big, hairy, smelly being snoring against a tree.
“Oh my gosh,” I said. “I didn’t realize Mommy’s first husband went to the Bridge.”
Then I realized it was the Great Bear. 

I tried to control my trembling and act like I was an equal to the giant beast. “Excuse me, sir,” the Great Bear turned around. “My name is Judge Foley Monster, and I have been sent here with a prayer request from my friends Enzo, Maya, and Molly. There is a bear that is loose around their houses. They ask that you kindly ask the bear not to damage their property, break their windows, eat their food or, or,” my mind had gone blank from nervous exhaustion. I searched my pockets and found the message. “Oh, and don’t eat them or their families. I should have lead with that. That’s the important one. Sorry.”
The Great Bear looked down on me. “Bears are hungry. They are looking for food to survive. They do not want to hurt your friends. If they find no food at their houses, the Bears will move along.”
“But they are scary.”
“We did not ask to be big, or scary. We are very gentle. For you brave Foley I will try to tell this bear to move on. But I can’t guarantee, and, as you know, we angels only have so much control of life on the mortal side. But you tell your friends I will do my best to keep me safe. Now would you like some salmon.”
I said I did and then we sat down for a lovely meal. The bear was a perfect gentleman. After the meal, he turned, looked at me and burped. It knocked me back down the mountain.
Hopefully, Enzo, Maya, and Molly the bear will listen to the Giant Bear and stay away. If not remember that you should not be afraid of the bear hurting you. You should be afraid of the bear burping in your face.
That will knock you down your mountain. If you see a bear with gas run.

4 comments:

  1. Nothing, and we mean nothing, is scarier than a bear with gas.

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  2. Happy Easter

    Aroo to you,
    Sully

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  3. Kind of remind me of the Wiley bears from Non Sequitur.

    https://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/nonsequitur/s-1940248

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  4. What a wonderful story! Bears actually *are* gentle at heart. I took a course where I got to "walk with" wild bears. Bears tend to be incredibly timid. The problems start when they don't have enough to eat and humans leave food unsecured. But you know all that. Good job with the Great Bear. I hope that it works!

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