Saturday, June 30, 2018

River and the Scooting Rug


Our house is filled with bald floors.  They do have their value. They are nice to lie on when I am overheated.  When I run and come to a stop, I slide which is fun. But I prefer rugs.

We have a nice rug in our office but we rarely use the room and the door is always shut.  When I follow a human into the office and lie on my back and rub it on the rug. Boy does that feel good.  

Once the door is closed the rug party ends and we are stuck with just the mat by the front door, and, if someone goes in the bedroom, the small rug by the entryway  But that rug is not to play on, that rug is to provide relief.

Let me explain to you about being a dog.  You all think that when we poop we don’t have to wipe because we have anal glands, and that is true, but what you don’t know it unless you have a very clean poop ejaculation, those glands itch #AF.

You, humans, know that itch.  You leave remnants back there and you get itchy you sneak in the bathroom, wipe yourself, pour some water in the toilet, so people think you’re peeing, flush, and you’re good to go.  Well, guess what, nobodies wiping old River’s anal glands.

I am more of a free spirit than Pocket. Every night, after her midnight poop, Pocket gets on the rug, and scoots around, like a Roomba with a Teddy Bear on top.  She gets to one end of the small rug, get up, turns around and goes to the other end of the rug. I am pretty sure she hums when she moves too.

I don’t go back and forth.  I like to go in a circle. Once I begin to scoot, I want to keep going until the job is done.  Also, I don’t scoot every day. No, I wait, sometimes for days, until it gets good and itchy and then when I sit and begin to move, it feels so good.  I just spin and spin around and around scratching that terrible itch.

My mom hates when I do that because she knows I am leaving remnants on the rug.  She is so anal about anal.

Every six weeks I go to the groomers and they “express” my glands.  Mommy says, since she is paying for that, we shouldn’t be scooting. She asks my Daddy to back her up, and he mumbles “I don’t know nothing about no anal, I heard a couple of guys talking about it in college, but that’s it.”

Without Daddy’s backup, we are at an anal standoff, so Pocket and I are going to keep scooting until we satisfy that awful itch.

5 comments:

  1. This is the dedinivive post on anal. Funniest post we've read for a while.

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  2. River, we feel ya! ~The Wild Ones

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  3. That gives a whole new meaning to cutting the rug!

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  4. I do the same circle and mom and dad both moan and crab about it..........humans do not understand the itch need do they...mags and gus

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