Pocket is in Need of a Good Grooming

I am almost a month overdue for my grooming appointment, and I am itching to get pampered at the spa again.  I did not realize how fuzzy I looked until I got picked up for a snuggle and saw my reflection in a mirror.  I barely recognized myself. My eyes were hidden, my facial hair was hanging under my chin, and when I drank, I got soaked and dripped everywhere, just like the way River does.  I have always thought it was a disgusting habit on her part; now, I too am a hideous dripper.

River looks like a Civil War General, with her mustache and beard hanging down under her chin, and her eyes almost covered. The hair on the back of her head is growing down her neck, making it look like she got a dye job.  On our walks, women, who have been praying to get their hair colored since the lockdown began, follow River and harass her trying to find out where she got her roots done.

My parents are keeping a concerned eye on my nails. I have black ones, which makes it hard to tell where the quick is.  Both my parents would freak out if they cut it and caused bleeding.  Also, I don’t like my paws touched and will make the procedure as difficult as possible.  River is more cooperative, but she has black nails too.  They hope our groomers open before our nails grow too much.  

It is a sad state of affairs.  We knew this virus would come for our health, our money, and our jobs, but they never said it would come for our beauty.  The world today, with it’s white and it’s dark roots, it’s unpolished nails, it’s unkempt hair, is grotesque.  Open the salons to save the country is my motto, but no one is listening to what the dogs are barking, more’s the pity.


 I am a polite girl and do not like discussing such things, but I also have a hair across my ass, several to be truthful, as does my sister.  Humans don’t know how hard it is to poop through hair.  It’s like trying to shove a basketball through a net that is just not quite big enough.  I have heard my Mommy say she might try to clip back there, but that scares me too.  It does all dogs.  The last thing we want to hear is a snipping sound by our nether regions. 

And that brings me to another indelicate issue:  River’s anal glands.   They usually need to be expressed every 20 days.  But, River has gone more than two months without even an anal poke  It is like living with a ticking time bomb.  I hope her anal glands explode outside, but I am sure her glands will go off in bed next to me, during the night, a nightmare scenario.


 I sure hope the state opens the grooming salons too.  Anyone who saw River’s anal glands would know why they are a necessary service.