The Ruby Rose Report: Somebody Moved my Cheese

 

Just when you figure everything out, they move things around on you.

Earlier this week, Mommy made an innocent suggestion that they move a small shelf tower from the corner because it was blocking some baby pictures.

When Mommy went to dry her hair, her number one assistant, who I stood sitting on top of, prepared to lick his face into submission when he stood without permission and, in some kind of rebellious role, said he would move the offending tower.

I tried to tell him he should not move things without Mommy's knowledge, but the Assistant had a notion, and I could not stop him even when I used my magic tongue.

Number One Assistant couldn't just move the tower because it is a corner unit, and there was another tower there, so he carried that to the right and put the corner unit behind Mommy's chair. I thought that would be the end, but the wandering spirit of an interior decorator had taken over his body.

With the tower gone, it left an open space. The Assistant moved the end table next to it against the wall. Under it was my kitty condo, and after moving the electric chair, I moved my tiny home on the other side of the chair, put my rug in front of it, and put some of my favorite toys on top. I checked the condo. The move caused the Renior to the hall, and a Ming vase was broken. Why do humans always need to improve? What doesn't need to be improved?

Then he picked up the puppy bed, where I had all my toys organized, and dumped them under the end table. My heart skipped several beats. He told me I could lie in bed, which was nice, but it would take me months.

Then he moved my tornado treat dispenser and snuffle mat so they didn't "take over the room." Thankfully, he left the leopard vagina condo alone. Even he knows there are some sacred things.

Mommy came out of the bathroom and mumbled, "what did this damn fool do?" she looked at me, and we rolled our eyes.

Later that day, he said I did not need four pee pads in the laundry room and could do it with two—big talk from a guy who has a big bowl to pee into and often misses it.

I had to lie down for the rest of the day. My toys have been moved, and my pee pads have been cut in half, putting more pressure on me than Five Clock Charlie ever felt.

I hope your mom's first Assistant doesn't decide to move things alone.

If they do, remove the Reniors from your condo before they are damaged.