The Ruby Rose Report: Pounce!

For most of the day, I am a sedated dog. If Mommy is sitting, then I am sitting next to her, and Mommy does a lot of sitting now. For a lap dog, a senior mommy with arthritis is living the dream.

If she gets up, I will go to my spot, pick through my bones, and chew one until she sits again.

I also get up if I hear a noise, like the strange sound this morning, a loud cawing, like a turkey being plucked against its will. That one got me going for twenty minutes.

I get down for meals, both mine and my parents, who are good at sharing. I get back down after my snuffle mat and treat tornado are filled, and then I return to the lap.

I don’t know what I would do without it.

At bedtime, I lay at the foot of the bed, and Daddy takes over, scratching me, then pausing to use the wand to remove my fur from the blanket, like reaping the harvest.

I am very peaceful.

Then, at midnight, I let it all hang out.

I begin to chew on the bones I selected to go to bed with me,

The real fun begins.

I get down and go into the living room. I snuffle some more, and do the tornado, then go back to the bedroom, stop on the rug, put my head down between my paws, put my butt up, wag my tail, and growl.

It’s time to play pounce.

It is a game I invented. I play it with my Daddy since he can still go on the floor, which he does, on his hands and knees, and slowly creeps to me. Like a mighty hunter, I wait for my prey to get into the proper position, and then I pounce.

Then I lick Daddy’s face.

It is a gentle form of hunting.

I run out of the room, spin around, come back in, and resume my pounce position. Daddy, a 61-year-old man in his underwear, crawls on the floor to me, and we do it again.

My Daddy is the only man of that age, undressed and crawling on the floor, who is not taking place in an S and M exercise. But the ending is the same: a wet face and a wagging tail.

I then get in bed, full of energy, chew my bones, scrunch up the comforter, and burn off the rest of my energy before bed, usually at 1:30, an hour and a half after my pounce session began.

I don’t know if my parents like it, but they tolerate it.

You can get away with a lot in bed when you are cute.

Even performing soft s and m.