The Ruby Rose Report: Peanut Butter On a Bone

L

I like a chew in bed

From my first day it is what I said

My parents look for new things for me to chew in bed

But I ignore it instead.

One day they asked if I liked peanut butter with bacon chunks on a bone

I do not like it

In my home

I do not like peanut butter with bacon chunks on a bone

Do your like peanut butter on an apple or a pear

I do not like peanut butter on a pear

Not here, not there, not anywhere

I do not like peanut butter on a bone

If other dogs like it 

I don’t give a damn you innate drone

Would you like it on kibble

Would you share some with Ish Kabbible?

I do not like them on kibble

I would not eat them with Ish Kibbible

I do not like peanut butter on a bone

Not here, not there, not anywhere

Even if I was wearing a big uncomfortable cone

Would you lick it off an antler

Would you eat it if it allowed you to escape a panther? 

Not on an antler

Not to escape a panther

Not with kibble

Not to share with Ish Kibbible

Not here, not there

Not anywhere 

I would not eat peanut butter on a bone

I would not eat it to pay off a big loan

Would you eat them in a car

If they had been put with formaldehyde in a jar? 

I would not in a car

Or a formaldehyde filled jar

You will like them, all dogs do

I hear it helps you go poo

I would not, could not, eat it on a pear

I would not eat it in my underwear

I would not eat it on kibble

I would not eat it with Ish Kibbible

I would not eat it in a car

I would not eat it in a formaldehyde filled jar

I would not eat it in on an antler

I would not eat it in on a panther 

Say!

In the dark

In a dog park

In a dark dog park

I would not, could not

In the dark

Would you, could you, in the rain

I would not could not in the rain

Not in the dark, not to cure pain

Not in a car, not on a pear

Not in fresh pressed underwear

Not in a house, not in the park

Not with a mouse, not as a lark

I will not eat it here or there

I won’t eat it anywhere

You do not like peanut butter on a bone

I do not like it

You persistent little shit

Could you, would you for your mom

I could not, would not, even for mom

Could you, would you eat it with gum?

I would not could not in the rain

Not in the dark, not to cure pain

Not in a car, not on a pear

Not in fresh pressed underwear

Not in a house, not in the park

Not with a mouse, not as a lark

Not with my mom, not if it was gum

Not in a pit, not even a bit

I will not eat it here or there

I won’t eat it anywhere

I do not like peanut butter on a bone

Not even a bit, 

you obsequious upper class twit

You do not like it

So you admit

Try it, try it

And you may

Try it and you may say

Mom, 

If you let be

I will try it

And you will see

I tried just a bite

And found out I do like peanut butter on a bone

And you’re not an inane drone

I would love it on kibble

While I eat with Ish Kabbible

I would eat it on a pear

I would eat  it in my underwear

I would eat them in the rain

I will say it again as a refrain

I would eat them in a car

I would eat them from a jar

I would eat it with my mom

I would swallow it if it was gum

I do like a peanut butter covered bones

Then I let out a groan

I threw up like a cyclone

And it was the last time I had a peanut butter covered bone