Tails From Rainbow Bridge: The Return of Aunt Foley

It has been quite awhile since I have put on the old Ask Aunt Foley hat, but I have so many friends with questions, and I have so much experience, it is my duty to help them.  So on to the mailbag.


Dear Aunt Foley:  My Mom has decided to go back to work.  I don’t know why. Is it something I did?  - Signed Molly


Dear Molly:  No, it is nothing you did.  Your Mom loves you with her whole heart.  But sometimes parents need to go to work.  They get money which they can barter for kibble toys, and treats for you.  Also, working makes them feel better about themselves.  Take heart; there is no more joyous moment than when your parent arrives home from work.  Plus, you will be missed so your playtime and walk time will be even more special.  Just sleep when Mommy is gone, and it will seem like she has been gone only a few moments and you won’t miss her at all.  


Dear Aunt Foley:  We love the Puppy Bowl.  How do we get to play in it?  Charlie, Toto, and Star


Dear Charlie, Toto, and Star:  Unfortunately, to play in the Puppy Bowl, you need to be a homeless pup, and you wouldn’t want to be that.  But you can play Puppy Bowl the home edition. Put all your toys on the floor.  Then run from one side of the house to the other while your siblings try to stop you.  Throw the stuffies in the air for field goals.  And your mom will love it because she not only gets to watch but also she can perform cleanup.  


Dear Aunt Foley:  Why don’t my parents tell me what the weather is going to do?  One day there is no snow on the ground, and the next day there is a foot of snow.  Don’t they know I have to prepare myself for this?  I have to poop and pee out there.  Why aren’t they more considerate?  Oreo



Dear Oreo:  You are so right.  Humans should tell us what the weather is going to be like so we can mentally prepare ourselves.  I think they keep the forecast from us because so many of us love snow and we would be like excited kids when snow is predicted.  Kids look outside hoping there will be no school and many of us look outside for something cool to play in.  Personally, I am for full transparency between dogs and humans.  Dogs never lie, so it is up to the humans.

Ask Aunt Foley

Dear Aunt Foley:   My Mom’s suitcases are out again.   That means she is leaving us.  Why do our parents have to leave?  -Lonely

Dear Lonely:  There is nothing worse than when our parents leave.  There are usually two reasons for this:  Business or pleasure.  But the real reason is that no human has stood up and said:  “Hey, let’s agree with all love our dogs, want them with us all the time, and allow them to go everywhere humans go.”

Oh sure, the lucky blind people get to take their dogs everywhere but perhaps it is because the blind people are the only ones who can truly see that dogs belong everywhere.  As I wrote about a few weeks ago dogs make the work place better and the truth is dogs make everywhere better.

I do think the onus is on us a bit.  We have to become disciplined and not just in our “business” movements.  You got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them and if your Mom is in the middle of a business meeting that’s no place to fold them.  And we can’t bark at every single person we see, and every noise.  It is going to be hard but we have to meet the humans half way.

As for travel well, that’s is up to the individual dogs.  Lots of us don’t travel too well.  Car sickness is common.  A train is no place for a dog.  And unless you are a small dog like me you have to ride in the cargo part of the airplane which, I have heard, is the scariest thing in the world.

So humans are going to have to invent something for else to travel on.  Something that is not loud, does not go too fast, let’s us stick out heads out the window without falling out, doesn’t make us sick, let’s us out to pee, let’s us sniff, and has plenty of food stops.  

Perhaps it would be better just to sleep for the week and wait for our parents to come home.

Dear Aunt Foley

Dear Aunt Foley: How does one respond (if at all,) to the "non-believers" among our family and friends who question the mental stability of our devoted humans who share our canine musings, accomplishments, insecurities and pictures with other like minded folks on the internet? Katie & Cassie~Angel

Dear Katia and Cassie-Angel:  Non-believers is a very proper term.  The connection between dogs and humans is very spiritual.  Just like some humans can’t find faith in a higher being, others can neither establish, or believe in, the connection between dogs and men.  You should never get angry at these people.  They should be pitied because they are missing out on so much good in their lives.

I originally had a plan to bring these non-believers around.  I gathered a group of zealous Water Dogs who believed as strongly as I did that humans should put their dogs every thought online to last throughout eternity.  I charged the dogs to track down all the non believers and use every tactic possible to convince them to believe.  I called them the Spanish Water Dog Inquisition.  

Let’s just skip to the end of that experiment...it wasn’t a very good idea, and there are still lots of apology notes I have to write.  Turns out anything with Inquisition in it is bad.  But my heart was in the right place….like Dick Cheney.  So, everyone has the right to their own opinion and if people believe that it is strange to put our musings on the Internet they have the right to do so even if they are incredibly wrong and stupid.

And when those Spanish Water Dogs who I haven’t been able to track down take over the world all parents who devote their Internet time to their dogs shall inherit the Earth.