We
have bunnies! Oh not the cute ones that live in a cage just outside
your house and wiggle their noses when you feed them carrots. These are
the wild ones that hop across your yard and eat Mommy’s flowers.Now our Mommy has busted her butt on her flower gardens. Really she has! She was watering her flowers the other day, backed up, fell down, and landed on the cement dividers between the gardens. Today she had to get a shot in her rectum to deaden the pain. She was supposed to get a shot in the neck but when the doctor saw her he said she needed a shot in the butt proving a pain in the neck is no match for a pain in the ass.
Pocket and I decided that, if Mommy’s garden meant so much to her, and the bunnies were eating her buds, we needed to do something about the garden. But Mommy insisted that we could not go outside and hunt them down, which is like the 12th thing we were put on this Earth for. We tried sitting on the arm of the recliner and bark at them when they arrived but that is such a snuggle spot we soon fell asleep. Then we ordered up some shotguns and sat on the porch like Elmer Fudd firing at the varmints but then the neighbors began to complain because our aim was slightly off. Shoot one old person and a whole village turns against you.
Then we had Mommy put us in our stroller and we sat near the garden waiting for the bunny. When it appeared we barked our most ferocious barks. The bunny looked up at us. “Hey, you guys are in a stroller,” he said. “How cute.”
He then went back to eating Mommy’s buds and we barked even more ferocious barks. The bunny stopped, looked at us, and then began to taunt us because we couldn’t get him. He shook his butt at us and danced around our stroller. We were rocking and rolling in it but couldn’t knock it on him. When Mommy came out we were both so upset because we didn’t scare that bunny at all. I suggested a ScarePocket but no one listened.
Then Mommy told us something very interesting. One way to protect your garden from varmints is with pee so Mommy told us that we could either go out and buy pee or Pocket and I could use our pee. Finally, Pocket’s never ending flow of pee is worth something.
We promised Mommy we would drink up a bunch of water and pee all across the garden’s border. Daddy promised too but after Pocket shot the old guy we are on triple secret probation with the Pruned people and we can’t let him do that. So now we are the mighty pee warriors of the neighborhood.
We’ll see if that bunny keeps coming to our garden or if it is pissed off. If you would like to help us in keeping our garden free of varmints please feel free to urinate in a manilla envelope and send it to us. We promise to do the same.
In fact look for Pocket and Foley Monster pee coming to your better varmint prevention stores near you.
