Foley fights for her intellectual property

Many of you may not know that Pocket and I were members of Doggyspace in the early days of the site. We had a difference of opinion with the owner and we had our tiny butts barred from the site left the site. Not to get into specifics, it's just that we stuck up for a friend, wrote a blog on our personal blog page that made the owner look like a senseless boob criticized the owner and we got barred. The former owner was a senseless boob did what he thought was right.

Anyhoo when we were thrown off left the site we also lost all the blogs we had written. I urge all my friend here to make sure they copy their blogs and save them because if you can't get on DS you can't get to your blogs.

Some of the members who have been here for a long time might remember one particular blog that we wrote. We became angry that female dogs had to share the same term with women who are not nice to people. Us female dogs are caring, loving, beautiful beings and should not have to share a term with selfish, mean women. Our blog proposed that female dogs, from this day forward, be known as lollipops,

On our Tanner Brigade site, and on our Foley Monster and Pocket Blog, we have been referring to female dogs as Lollipops for more than two years. Then I returned to Doggyspace and recently read a post where someone tried to post the word b-tch. Well the word b-tch does not come up. You know what does come up? Lollipop!

The new owners of Doggyspace may not be aware of this but I, Foley Monster, am the most respected dog lawyer in the country. I have got hundreds of dogs off from charges ranging from biting, to peeing, to chewing an entire couch. I am using this blog as a cease and desist order. The word lollipop in reference to dogs used on any web sits is the intellectual property of Foley Monster and may not be used without the express written consent of Major League Baseball or General Foley Monster. Since I don’t have a lot with intellect attached to my name I am ready to fight over this. If you do not I am going into my drawers, taking out my briefs, and throwing them in your big faces, and when humans get faced with my briefs they tremble like lollipops. Drat. There it is again!

I understand that your auto edit must use something to cover up the dirty words. May I make the following suggestions: Skittles, Gummi Bears, Everlasting Gobstoppers, Necco Wafers, Reese’s Pieces, Double Stuffed Oreos, Ho Ho’s., Ring Dings, Little Debbie’s, and All Day Suckers.

I have returned to Doggyspace in peace. I am not looking for trouble. But the word I picked to honor us beautiful girls who are so sweet and lovable and cuddly has now been turned by your auto edit machine into something that means the opposite. Please change it to one of the words I suggested and then I will be happy and content. \

If not then you are going to get my full lollipop on. Drat! There it is again. Pocket! Where are my briefs?

Failure to Lunge: K9 Kamp Week Three

I am ashamed to admit that I came in last place in this weeks K-9 Kamp challenge. Daddy said he wanted me in the Kamp to work on my discipline. I don't know if it was my failure to curb to the discipline or my fear of Daddy's unnatural acts that conquered me on this challenge. but during it our family was plagued with two questions. Why is Daddy lunging, and why is he vicking in the front yard?

I was really psyched when I heard that that this weeks challenge involved a tug of war. I am excellent at tug of war. The way we play is that Daddy kneels on the ground, I pick up the tiny pull rope that fits in my little mouth, and he pulls it gently. I make this very ferocious growling sound. Sometimes Daddy pulls the tug toy too hard and it comes out of my mouth. Sometimes I hold on and he swings so hard he swings me and I let go and fly into the couch, if I am lucky.

Daddy always sits on the floor when we play tug of war but for this challenge he was standing up which means he had to lean way over to play with me. I was very worried about him falling on me, but I am an agile dog and even if he had fallen I could have scooted out from under him. But then he did something he never did before. He lunged. I ran from the living room where we were playing into the kitchen.

"What the hell is he doing?" I asked Foley who was sitting in the recliner.

"He's lunging, Foley said.

"Come on Pocket, don't be afraid," Daddy said. He picked me up and brought me back to the play area. He moved the chew toy back and forth so I became interested.

I bit down on it. He stood. We were playing. The he lunged.

I ran back into the kitchen. Mommy came out of the bedroom. Both Foley and I were barking loudly. "What is going on out here?" she asked.

"Daddy is lunging!' Foley said as I stood in the living room and barked.

"Why are you lunging?" Mommy asked him.

"It's part of K-9 Kamp," Daddy said huffing. "I am supposed to play tug of war with Pocket while lunging."

Mommy said that Pocket was too small to play Tug of War with a lunger. She gave me the toy to chew on and she sent Daddy into the bedroom to go lunge himself.

After he was done he realized he could have stopped tugging and let me chew and lunge on his own but he was done lunging which we were all happy about. He then told me it was time for us to run. Since Mommy does not want me outside because of the birds of prey and we do not have a cellar we would have to run on our one floor.

This I liked. We ran from our bedroom, to the front bedroom, through the living room, kitchen and hall past Mommy who was making Monday morning breakfast when, after the second passing, she asked Daddy what the hell he thought he was doing. Daddy told him that we were to run for two minutes between exercises. "Not in my house," she said.

Daddy began to say it was part of Kamp but Mommy still said no. He asked if we could go outside with a leash and she said yes. Daddy put the leash on me, we sat in the driveway, and we played tug of war with no lunging. Then Daddy and I started walking in the thick soup late September humidity. Then Daddy began running. I dug in my heels and said "are you drunk?" Daddy kept running , dragging me behind him, going, "come on Pocket, come on Pocket, oh please Pocket come on." Unh-uh. It was 85 degrees, hot, humid, and Sunday was my day to rest. Plus I hadn't even had breakfast. Daddy dragged me to the end of the street. When he turned around he picked me up and carried me back to our lawn

Daddy was breathing hard, his face was red. He put me down. He grabbed the toy and weakly waved it in front of me. He then began to get into a sitting position, then stopped and I realized what was happening. I pulled the leash from Daddy's limp wrist and ran to the porch barking for Mommy "Daddy is taking a vick on the front lawn, Daddy is taking a vick on the front lawn, and now he's fallen in it.

Before Mommy could respond Daddy was back, picking me up and running through the humid air carrying me up the street and then back down again. I asked him why he vicked in the yard and he said he was doing squats. Right, and next time I pee on the rug I will say I am just squatting. Humans. He made it to the end of the street, and the staggered back to the lawn. He fell down on his hands and knees, then lay on the ground. He grabbed the chew toy in one had and told me he was going to do push ups while playing with me. I backed away from him because he looked very pale. "Fine I will just do the push ups alone," he said, he did one, then collapsed on the lawn. Then something wonderful happened. Mommy said it was time for breakfast and I ran to the door while Mommy yelled at Daddy's prone body about not holding on to my leash putting me at risk of being carried off by a misguided carrier pigeon.

The good thing about living in the prune village is every 20 minutes or so someone needs an ambulance. A spare one stopped by to pick up Daddy and dropped him off later in the day. He slept again all day Monday. I will try to do better at Kamp next time. Sorry that Daddy scared me.

I have to go now, Foley and I need to recharge Daddy's defibulater.

The Malatesta Pups are our September 25, 2011 Pups of the Week

There is a movie called The Great Escape. It was made when all those old or passed Hollywood stars were young and good looking. In the movie a number of prisoners escape from a Nazi prison camp. A handful stay free from capture. Others were captured. 50 were executed. The movie was based on real events. To a generation, when you mentioned "The 50" it meant something. The 50 were being transported back to the POW camp when they were told to get out of the transport trucks and stretch their legs. When they did the Nazis gunned them all down before they knew what was happening.

Now we have the Six. The six dogs belonging to Paula Malatesta. A week ago she had a heart attack. While she lay in the hospital family members, without her consent, made the decision to take them to surrender them to animal control. There the Six were killed while their Mom lie unaware in her hospital bed. 

When she found out her condition worsened, but thankfully the doctors were able to get her back on her feet. She then dealt with those still living, along with her outstanding friends who helped find homes for them, provided homes for them, provided transportation, set up and contributed to a chip in for her, showered her with words of faith and love, showing that there is no online communities like the online dog communities because these communities are based on love. 

Wishbone is at his new home with Annie and Blossom. Max is at his new home at Boudica's house. LeAndra also is going to her forever home. Miss Paula then will go stay with Aunt Cheryl while Puppy and Khan go to the vet's to be kept safe while she decides her future. So now, with the lyrics to the old song "The Streets if Laredo", are The Six, our Pups of the Week, may they always run happy, free, healthy, and carefree at the Bridge, and may they never know the harsh touch of the evil that inhabits some men. 

 As I walked out in the streets of Laredo

 As I walked out in Laredo one day,

 I spied a young puppy, all wrapped in white line 

Wrapped up in white linen and cold as the clay. 

Chiwennie, with us only eight months. 

"I see by your outfit, that you are a puppy." 

These words he did say as I slowly walked by. 

"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story,

For I'm shot in the chest, and today I must die." 

Charlie Bear, 10 year old Shih Tzu rescued because Paula did not want him to die in a shelter. He died in a shelter without her consent. 

'Twas once in the saddle I used to go dashing, 

'Twas once in the saddle I used to go gay. 

First down to Rosie's, and then to the card-house, 

Got shot in the breast, and I'm dying today."

 Yacotaco a sweet chi, doxie mix 

"Oh, beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly, 

And play the dead march as you carry me along; 

Take me to the valley, and lay the sod o'er me, 

For I'm a young puppy and I know I've done no wrong." 

Gravy, a Matleepoo destined for his forever home September 24. Put to death before her got there. 

"Get six jolly puppies to carry my coffin,

 Get six pretty maidens to bear up my pall. 

Put bunches of roses all over my coffin,

Roses to deaden the clods as they fall." 

Walter, who slept with Paula's special son Donald. 

Then swing your rope slowly and rattle your spurs lowly,

And give a wild whoop as you carry me along; 

And in the grave throw me and roll the sod o'er me.

For I'm a young puppy and I know I've done no wrong." 

Brandon, Paula's special heart dog and companion and friend to us all. 

"Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold water. 

To cool my parched lips", the puppy then said. 

Before I returned, his soul had departed, 

And gone to the round up - the puppy was dead. 

We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly, 

And bitterly wept as we bore him along.

For we loved our comrade, so brave, young and handsome, 

We all loved our comrade, because he'd no done wrong. 

Looking at the pictures all I can think of is the words of Jim McKay after the death of the Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics. "They're gone. They're all gone.'

We need to make sure nothing like this occurs again. I have a couple of ideas. One is that we have lawyers set up a pet proxy like a health proxy. A pet proxy would give control of our pets to someone we select the same way as a health proxy would give a person control over your health when we are incapacitated. There would have to be some legislation on the state level where pets could not be put down without someone either proving that they are the rightful owners of the pet or that they hold the proxy. 

Also there should be some legislation in every state that animal control can not put down a surrendered pet for 72 hours to make sure that the person who surrendered the pet had the right to make that decision. This would also have to be done through legislation. I am not a political person, or one well versed in law, so I am not to give advice on how to accomplish this, and some of you may have better ideas on what can be done to make sure that no one has to suffer the way Paula had to suffer. 

I have seen what this group can do, in helping with transports, and with finding homes, and taking in pups, and transporting them, I know there will be some great ideas, and miracles will occur. We shall never forget Paula's Six and vow to do all we can to try to heal the wounds in her heart and to show her that their is love and forgiveness in this world and people willing to work and fight together, because, while the darkness does win some battles, and leaves us with extraordinary pain, inevitably, the goodhearted shall win the war.

Foley Monster's new song for her friend Brody and Brody's Mom

*Foley comes out and sits behind a microphone with her guitar*

Hello, thanks for coming to the Foleytini Tiki Bar.  I hope you enjoy the Foleytinis.  This has been a hard week for all of us.  Very sad.  So I decided to write a song that will hopefully make you smile.  Or you might find it offensive.  It is a song about where I sleep during the day, my home.  It looks like this.

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Now, if you are easily offended, or do not like a parody of a Dylan song from the 60's that repeatedly mentions female genitalia this song may not be for you.  So I will give you a chance to pay your bill and go.  Don't forget to tip your waitress.

OK, thank you.  This song is for Brody and his Mom Candice.  I would be honored to sing this at the new baby's christening.  OK, it goes like this.

Well, I see you noticed my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo
Yes, I see you noticed my brand new leopard-skin vagina  condo
Well, let me tell you baby
How sleeping  feels under somethin’ like that
Under my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, I look so pretty in it
Honey, you can join me anytime
You can come and look around
See that it's that expensive kind
You know you can lay across it
Your Mama's mattress ain't as soft
Let’s bring it up to your Daddy’s loft
My brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, if you wanna see the sun rise
You need to put it on the other side of the chair
If you want to see the sunset
Mommy's got to put the vagina on the rocking chair
Me with my harness
Wrapped around my waist
And you with your new pink coller
Sitting in my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, I asked Brody’s Mom if he could see it
It’s bad for his health, she said
Yes, I disobeyed her orders
I invited him to see it
But she showed up instead
You know, I don’t mind her coming to my house
But I don’t like her taking up all my bed
Inside my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, I hear Brody wants to be my boyfriend
You know, I never smelt him before
Well, I saw him
On the Internet
He forgot to turn on the fire wall
You might think he loves me for my tail
But I know what he really loves me for
It’s my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

K-9 Challenge Part Deux: Go Fetch Yourself

Good evening, I am your intrepid reporter Foley Monster here to report on the second leg of K9 Kamp 2011. This weeks challenge is called "Go Fetch Yourself." The task required that the human, in this case Pop, and the dog, my sister Pocket Dog, play a simple game of fetch. But the fiendish planners of the K9 Kamp created a Road Block to hamper the contestants completion of their task. In this Road Block not only would the dog be fetching the ball but the human would be fetching it as well.

Before the task a power greater than even the organizers of the K9 Kamp themselves threw in a road block of her own. That power: Mom. When Pop told her that the task required him to throw a ball for Pocket, and for Pocket to chase it, and this task was required to be done outside, she immediately put a stop to it. She refuses to ever let us run off leash because of predatory birds in the area. She is afraid that we could be carried off by a turkey vulture, hawk, owl, or eagle that populate the skies. Truthfully, Pocket is such a tiny thing, a pigeon on steroids could carry her off. Mommy made her ruling: Any ball fetching would have to be done inside.

"Inside!" Daddy said. "What am I supposed to do, go back and forth from the living room to the front bedroom?"

"I don't care what you do but you are not doing it outside."

As always, Mommy's word was final. On Thursday Mommy went to get her hair done. Daddy didn't even think about taking Pocket outside. Mommy had birds flying overhead to bring Pocket to her if she went outside for a second without a leash. Daddy got the ball. Pocket barked and danced excitedly. I sat in the recliner with the stop watch. I yelled go. Daddy threw the ball and they both gave chase.

The ball went under the table and Daddy tried to grab it but Pocket got it first. The next throw he tripped over a chair. This wasn't working. Then Daddy had a thought. What if they were on the same level? He got down on his hands and knees. He threw the ball, and then he quickly crawled after it. Pocket did too but seeing Daddy she stopped, turned to me, and said "what the hell?" I told Pocket it was part of the challenge and she had to keep going. Daddy got under the table first and threw the ball back towards the bedroom and Daddy and Pocket took off after it.

Soon they were both having so much fun. Racing each other on the floor for the ball. Pocket was barking. Daddy was smiling. I was amazed. This was the dumbest thing I had ever seen a human do. But he kept going, for about ten minutes, until he realized, that, sweet, fancy Moses, his lungs were exploding, his knees felt like they were shattered, his back throbbed, and he was about two minutes away from dying. He wanted to stop.

"No quitting!" I yelled. "You got ten more minutes. Keep it up maggot. Crawl. Crawl like the bug you are!" I would be an excellent coach on The Biggest Loser if I wasn't so afraid of being sat on by an enormous behind.

By the 30 minutes he was pulling himself forward by his forearms, sweating like a Kardashian on DWTS, The buzzer went off and Pocket and I dragged the defibrillator out of the kitty condo. We revived him with sweet licks and electric shock. He crawled on to the love seat and didn't move the rest of the day.

The next day he said he would go for 15 minutes but at the ten minute mark he crashed into Mommy's swiveling recliner and lay motionless for three hours. We skipped Saturday. On Sunday Daddy took three shots of five hour energy, dropped back down to his knees, and lasted ten minutes.

Monday Daddy refused to play even though he only had ten minutes to go to complete the challenge. This morning Pocket and I chewed up some caffiene pills and spit them in his cereal. He swallowed them down. Then he hopped up ready to play. He kept crawling back and forth, past the ten minute mark when I told him he could stop, past the 20 minute mark when he wore out Pocket, passed the 40 minute mark when Pocket and I had both fallen asleep. When we awoke an hour later he was under the table snoring loudly. He hasn't woken up since. Hopefully he will wake up, and be ready to crawl again, before the next contest.

Paula Malatesta: Champion Dog Rescuer in Hospital Her Pups need Our Help

Paula Malatesta, a Hall of Fame dog rescuer has been stricken by a heart attack and is in the hospital. She will no longer be able to care for the dogs in her shelter. I have copied a DS blog authored by Jake the Snake that explain her situation and what dogs need homes. If you can help let us know.

This is Ann, Jake's mom.  I just got off the phone with Paula.

She sounds good but very tired. 

She went into the hospital Sunday night and she expects
to go home Thursday or Friday. 

I asked if she would like calls
and she said yes. 

The hospital is Lake Norman Regional Medica
l Center, Mooresville, NC. 

The hospital number is 704-660-4000. 
Her extension is 4233. 

You can ask for Paula Maletestra. 
I had to spell it and I was close so
they let me talk to her. 

She said she can keep 4 dogs and she
needs homes for these little ones: 

(An aside...I am having foot surgery on the 29th
and I won't be able to walk for at least two weeks
and then not drive for a while longer
so I won't be able to be too much help with physical stuff
but I can do coordinating, etc.)  

• Princess Dyan (called Chewinie) Chi/Dashund mix,
  8 months old, spayed female

  
  

• Walter, Chi, neutered, 5 years old

  
  

• Taco, Chi/Dashund mix, neutered male
  (forgot to get age)

  
  

• Gravy, 1.5 years, Maltese/poodle male,
  neutered

  
  

• Charlie Bear, 10 years old Shih tzu,
  male, heart murmer, almost blind
  (Paula just wanted him to have a home
  and not die in a shelter)

• LeAra, small black pekinese, female,
  neutered (Paula would like to keep her) 
  (forgot to ask age but I think young)

  
  

• Max, small black pekinese, male,
  neutered

  
  

Paula wants to keep Brandon, Puppy and Khan
because they are "her dogs."  

Just to clear up one point....Paula said her husband
did not call and yell at her about the dogs
but she said she has
not heard from him.  He talked to her daughter. 
Basically she is alone here and she does
so much for doggies that I wish all the doggies
she has helped could get together and help her!

If anyone has any ideas, let's hear them. 

Post Tags: paula

Foley Hopes to Make Some Celebrity Friends

As some of you know I am an administrator of a site called The Tanner Brigade. It is a small Ning site that our members can send invitations to people we want to join. We like to think of it as a small town with close knit friends, Doggyspace as the big city where you can meet thousands of dogs, and the blogging world as an entire country of dogs.

One of my friends is a fan of the books of Dean Koontz. He often uses dogs as characters in his stories. He even has a series of books about a talking dog, which is kind of silly. Us dogs can talk just like you humans. We just don't have anything important to say.

Now we sent an e-mail to Mr. Koontz asking that he have his dog on the Tanner Brigade. We haven't heard from him since. But we are keeping our paws crossed

That got Pocket and me to thinking, and Pocket to napping because while her thoughts can blaze high into the night they don't last too long. But as long as the Pocket fires were burning I took advantage and we made of list of other dogs who belong to celebrities that we would like to invite. We are now sharing this list with you.

Alexander Skarsgard's cockatoo:  We hear that the True Blood star has quite an extensive bird collection.  We would love to have his cockatoo on our site.  If he can't do that then we would settle for a cockaone.

Scarlett Johansen's kitty:  I recently learned that her kitty pictures are all over the Internet after her phone got hacked.  Her kitty shouldn't be all over the Internet.  So lets give her a place where she can put her kitty pictures for everyone to see.

Sylvester Stallone's Italian Greyhound:  This poor little fellow.  We hear, back in the day, his trainer used to give him these shots to make him big and strong, run fast after the rabbit and win races.  Now that he has got older the greyhound is a little shriveled, receded, and has back acne.  But we would still make a wonderful home for him.

Anderson Cooper's Silver Fox:  I must say I have never seen this fox.  I don't look at the TV a lot.  But whenever Anderson Cooper comes on TV Mommy says "oh look at that silver fox."  I look up right away but the fox must be fast because it scurries away.  Let's give him a home so everyone can see him.

Donald Trump's Squirrel:  I am not a big fan of squirrels but this is the closest human - pet relationship I have ever seen.  No matter where he goes The Donald goes he takes that thing on his head.  And I bet he's got some good stock tips too.

Eric Dane's Great Dane:  The Grey's Anatomy Dr. McSteamy is said to have a very Great Dane.  Somewhere on the Internet there is said to be a video of this Great Dane playing with a non Scarlett Johansen kitty.  Like her kitty we would like to put Dane's Great Dane on our site.

Brad Pitt's Monkey:  I honestly don't know if he has one.  But with all the kids he has adopted at one point someone must have thrown in a monkey.  You know, adopt five kids, we give you a monkey.  That's quite an incentive to take the fifth kid.  You might be leaving the country with four kids and someone says hey if you take fifth one you get a monkey and you got to take the monkey.  Right?  So I want his monkey on my site.  Period.