Reba Messina and Amber are our November 11, 2012 Pups of the Week

I can measure how long I have been on social networking dog by Pocket’s age.  A month after Pocket chose our family we joined Doggyspace, and, as soon as we joined Doggyspace we met Reba Messina and her Mom Linda.  No matter where we went, what site we joined, or if we blogged independently, our one constant was Reba Messina, because, no matter where we went, Reba was there.

This past week, after 16 years of being her Mom’s friend, partner, inspiration, and love, Reba left her, and us, behind, as she was called to the Bridge because the Lord had important work for her to do there.  Not a day will go by that we won’t miss her or think of her Mom and how we have to try and rebuild her broken heart after she shared her life with one of the world’s most important and most famous dogs.

(If you think I am fibbing about her being famous check out the cover of Fido magazine with Reba featured on the cover between Carlton Kressley and Julianne Hough.)

All dogs love to boast about their breeds, us included.  And our parents are even worse, saying how they love one breed or another.  But Reba wasn’t any breed, she was brought into the world a mutt, but she would not stay a mutt, and she would change the meaning of mutt throughout the world.

Reba, on her Mutterings and Things Blog page (http://mutteringsandthings.blogspot.com/) stated that her mission was to unite, elevate, and celebrate mutts.  And she created a new breed for mutts called the GenChan for the tongue in cheek term “genetically challenged.”  She united millions of dogs who were dismissed under the name of mutts into one group that, if the American Kennel Club wanted to be all inclusive, they would allow to compete.  Her reterming of mutts to GenChan inspired my changing the name b-thces to lollipops.

I remember years back Reba and I barking about problems we had with the old management of DS.  She had even talked with the mean man Levi who owned it.  I did not have the nerve to bark directly with him and tell him what we thought was wrong but not Reba.  She was strong enough to bark at anyone and was never afraid.

When I started blogging I wasn’t sure what I was doing but one day Reba came to see me and told me she had been doing it for awhile.  She told me to just follow her steps in the sand and soon I would be as good as her.  Well, I don’t think that happened, but she helped me a lot and taught me how to write, how to be sweet, how to be funny, and how to be me.

Reba and her Mom Linda were a perfectly matched pair because they were both so special.  When a dog was down, bridge bound, or already there, they knew just the words to use to make us feel better.   And they used their blogs and Facebook to spread the word whenever there was a food recall, or urgent medical news, Reba and her Mom made sure everyone knew it.  Also they fought very hard for those dogs who did not have homes, or worse, were on death row, never giving up on trying to find them a home.  Whether it be GenChans or Purebreeds Ruby and her Mom were there fighting.  Even after she went to the Bridge Reba was still trying to help others.  Today on her blog page she wrote a blog for parents announcing her passage to the Bridge and advising parents on how to know when pups are telling them it’s time.  Also on Facebook her Mom posted a list of medications and belongings that Reba had asking if anyone could use them.

Reba was a true fighter.  She held off going to the Bridge for a long time, 16 and a half years.  The Bridge Angels knew she had important work to do down here, and let her stay extra time, but starting last month Reba began to let her Mom know that it was time to go, and last week, the little engine that was Reba’s spirit began to run out of steam.  Her back legs could no longer support her and the light was gone from her eyes.  So her Mom made the hardest decision of her life, but the right decision, to let her go to the Bridge, where she will become a very important angel.  And where I am sure she will continue to look over all GenChens and purebreds, and do more great work.

And we will continue to check in on her loving, heartbroken Mom.  I know that Reba will always be in her heart and Reba’s spirit will continue to guide her Mom to do good works, but let’s not forget Linda now that Reba has gone.  Reba wants us to keep checking on her to make sure she is OK.

Reba was the most famous dog I knew, hanging out with Hollywood celebs, appearing on magazine covers, having a presence everywhere on the Internet.   But she was a small town girl, with a heart of gold, who put her Mom first.  She has left a big whole in lots of our hearts.

Also I need to mention another amazing dog who went to heaven this week, leaving us, and her mother Carolla, broken hearted, the beautiful Amber, who, while not passing Reba’s longevity, also fought to stay with her Mom, holding off the bridge for over 15 years.  

Amber was known in her neighborhood as the girl with the goggles.  She loved to go on car rides and her Daddy made her special goggles so when she stuck her head out the window she didn’t get bugs in her eyes.  She was another GenChan dog, a Chow mix, who was greatly loved by all dogs who knew her and her Mom.  She captured her Mom’s heart so much her Mom didn’t even mind the drool that often fell from her sweet mouth.

During Hurricane Sandy Amber and her Mom, always putting others first, kept checking in with all her friends in the path of the storm without letting us know that Amber was telling Mom it was time for her to go to the Bridge too.  Even though she had been in ill health we were still shocked when we heard the news.  Her love can still be felt from the Bridge, where she may finally be able to catch one of those critters she has been chasing for years.

It has been a tough week for us dogs and their Moms this week as we have lost two huge figures in the online dog community.  Like always we will carry on, somewhat lessened, and hoping that their Moms will find the strength to bring a new pup into their lives, because they are both one in a million Moms and there are needy dogs, and we will learn to love them and their adventures.  If they can’t find the strength we understand, you can’t ever replace a Reba or Amber.

But we will never forget, and our hearts will always be filled with love for, Amber and Reba.

Pocket is Going Pants Free and This Time It's For Real

I, Pocket Dog, am very proud to announce, that, after five years and two months I am finally getting the hang of this potty training thing.

Way back when I was a puppy, in the early days of Doggyspace, Mommy and Daddy promised me that if I went one week without having an accident in the house I could have my own Doggyspace account.  I did, I got my own account, and did not have another week without an accident for five years.  In that time we left DS and, since Mommy and Daddy don’t want to have multiple accounts, when we returned, we share one again.

Now Mommy is very particular about keeping a clean house and cannot abide a pup who leaks on frequent occasions.  Being such a pup one would expect at best confinement, and, at worse, banishment when these accidents, which soon became inevitabilities, occurred.  But Mommy loves me more than she loves a clean house, and Daddy is a very practical man, so I became Pocket the pants wearing dog.

Mommy and Daddy bought blue jeans diapers and, with the help of an adhesive something called a panty liner, put in my pants to absorb the moisture of my discharge, I was a Yorkie on the fly.  And we all lived quite happily like this, Mommy with dry rugs, Daddy with peace in the house, me, with a satisfied bladder, (excepting Foley who found my behavior the height of unprofessionalism.)

And so we went on through two Presidential elections, me leaking when I played, got excited, or felt neglected.  But lately my parents have noticed that my britches were not spoiled.  Daddy delicately brought up two points to Mommy, one, that I was not soiling myself and two, Foley, in her Senior years has either started to lose some control of her bladder, or had just stopped caring.  He suggested that I, like Lindsay Lohan on a trip to Bloomingdales, go pants free.

Mommy agreed, as long as I wore my pants when we play ball, because I get so into chasing I let the pee fly.  And, except when I’m playing with my ball in pants, I have not had an accident in the house (while Foley has had one so that puts me ahead in the Electpissicol College.)

It has been suggested, and I can not dismiss, that this has to do with the box of fancy dresses that Hattie Mae gave me, which made me a woman.  I am not sure, but I like looking pretty, and no matter how well a dress is made, wearing blue jean underwear ruins any look.

So, it has taken me a long time, but I am finally pants free.  There is not stopping me now.  

The Sandy Survivors Are Our November 4, 2012 Pups of the Week

We have all learned to become immune to the storm of the century that seems to occur on a weekly basis.  Thursday night the pack and I were in bed watching the end of a local nightly news broadcast and the weather man said there was a possibility of snow this week.  The female anchor got very excited about this asked the sports anchor if he was excited and he said no.  She looked at him and said “Come on, blow this thing up, that’s what we do.”

And that is what they do.  Every storm is going to be the worst storm ever.  So when you get hit with the worst storm ever, even when you have been warned for days that it is coming, you are skeptical that it is really going to occur, so, you are never really prepared for what is going to happen.

I call this the worst storm ever because it was the worst storm I have ever seen, and the worst one Mommy and Daddy have seen, and so many of us on the East Coast have ever seen, but I am sure that others, in other parts of the country, or who have lived through the hell that was Katrina and Andrew, have experienced worse.  Then there are smaller events like tornadoes that are equally devastating, and the fires in the Pacific Northwest and Texas.  I don’t know if we can blame the bipeds for all this strange weather but I want to remind them that they don’t own this planet, they share it with lots of others, but only they have the power to destroy it, so please be careful with our only planet.

Just as I shouldn’t be, but still am, surprised at the ferocity of the recent storm, I also shouldn’t be, but still are, amazed at the concern, love, and prayers that are posted during these events on social network pages.  We were north of the storm’s path, but still got terribly scary weather, and we got hundreds of posts inquiring about us.  Some of these posts came from folks in the direct path of the storm, who were more concerned about us pups on the outer edges than they were about themselves.  It makes it much easier to ride out a storm when you know you are riding the hopes and prayers of so many others.

In the storm’s horrific aftermath those who could posted that they were safe, and others kept track of those who didn’t post.  We waited anxiously as one by one posts came in from our friends who got blown away by Sandy, and when someone did not post we had our little Shih Tzu bloodhounds, Tashi and Tiara, to use the Internet, the phone, and their sniffers to track down our friends like Willie and Jessie and Raider Sinca who went silent after the storm.

It does please me that the bipeds have learned lessons from the last storm, and let pets into shelters, but in one case that I know of, in Chestertown Maryland, Maya’s pack had to stay home with their Mom Kristie to face the elements while her humans siblings went with their Dad to the local fire station that did not admit pups.  Dear humans:  If you want to keep your humans safe you are going to let them bring in everyone they love in their family.  Humans are not leaving their beloved pups behind in a storm.  It is inhuman.  Luckily there was no damage to the house and Maya and her family were safe, but, if other towns were as close minded as Chestertown Maryland there would have been a lot more casualties.

We haven’t heard directly from Willie Nillie and Jessie yet.   They live in Long Island and, last we heard, and they have not had electricity since Monday.   Our thoughts and prayers are with them and we hope they get their electricity back on soon.

Our good friends Pokey, Maggie and Toby first had to worry about their Mom as she did a transport as the storm began to batter their house, and then about this big tree that landed in their play area.

Lil Guy’s pack also made it through the storm and were able to post to us, but their Mom Dodie has a cousin in Howard’s Beach whose house and neighborhood suffered significant damage.

No one made the reality of the storm clearer than King who lives with his pack near the Jersey Shore.  This is what his Mom posted as soon as she got her electricity back:  “My power is now on and I have connection to the internet. The devastation in our County is terrible. We are ok and so is my house. My sister is without power and so is my brother. They have been staying at our house. Stores are wiped out of bread milk and butter. Frozen foods in stores all went bad and they do not know when shipments will come in because it is too bad to come to the area. Gas lines to fill cars are reaching out of the gas stations and down the streets. I have taken so many videos and pictures because I have never seen such a mess. I have stocked up our house and by the grace of god we have food and gas and electric. Someone just gave my brothers in laws a generator for their house. I shut off the news because it makes me cry. I can not believe what is going on. As I look around I see how people are walking and looking and the pain in their faces just makes me sad. A stranger walked up to my Sister and gave her 31 dollars and told her to get stop leak and antifreeze for her car because it has a water leak. The stranger said that Jesus said to give it to her. He saw that she was having trouble with her car. People are coming together. My sister lost a friend due to the hurricane. I am praying that all my friends on DS are ok. I am thinking about Willie and Jessies Mommy are ok and everyone else during the storm. Our mail is not being passed and I can not get to my post box because they closed it down for now. I can not ship anything and schools are still shut for another week for my nephew.”

Although he is not a dog, I also read this account from actor Theo Rossi, who has appeared in lots of shows like Hawaii 5-0 and Lost and is best known for playing Juice on Sons of Anarchy.  He wrote this about his Staten Island neighborhood:  “It’s so bad here, a lot worse than how its being portrayed by the media. They are finding bodies left and right, elderly people who don’t even watch the news or who knew the storm was coming. I was just with one of my best friends from high school and college, and his house is completely gone. One story I heard was about this one guy who evacuated his house during Hurricane Irene but then it got looted. So when they told him to evacuate for Sandy, he said, ‘I’m not leaving.’ Now they can’t find him, his 13-year-old daughter is dead, and his wife is in critical condition at the hospital. These are the stories. My stepfather and my mother, I love them to death. But when they heard the storm was coming, they said, ‘It’s not going to be that bad. Irene didn’t do anything.’ They had two flashlights and a couple of scented candles. Little did they know. It’s just not worth it. If you’re told to evacuate, you need to get out.”

So this is for King, for Willie and Jessie, for Pokey, Maggie, and Toby, for Lil Guy, for Maya, and all the others pups and packs that faced this terrible storm and came through it.  May none of them, and no others, have to face such a terrible storm again.

If you can, please make a  $10.00 donation to the Red Cross by texting SANDY to 90999.

Thank you

“My City of Ruins” by Bruce Springsteen
There's a blood red circle
On the cold dark ground
And the rain is falling down
The church door's thrown open
I can hear the organ's song
But the congregation's gone
My city of ruins
My city of ruins

Now the sweet bells of mercy
Drift through the evening trees
Young men on the corner
Like scattered leaves
The boarded up windows
The empty streets
While my brother's down on his knees
My city of ruins
My city of ruins

Come on rise up! Come on rise up!
Come on rise up! Come on rise up!
Come on rise up! Come on rise up!
Come on rise up! Come on rise up!

Now there's tears on the pillow
Darlin' where we slept
And you took my heart when you left
Without your sweet kiss
My soul is lost, my friend
Tell me how do I begin again?
My city's in ruins
My city's in ruins

Now with these hands
With these hands
With these hands
With these hands
I pray Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for the faith, Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for your love, Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for your love, Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for the faith, Lord
With these hands
With these hands
I pray for the strength, Lord

Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up!

Foley Monster Represents Two Drug Sniffing Dogs at the Supreme Court

I, Foley Monster, have finally arrived at the moment all lawyers, both dogs and bipeds, have dreamed of. I, along with my young apprentice Pocket, am going to argue a case before the Supreme Court of the United States of America.

My clients are two fine dogs, one, a chocolate Labrador retriever named Franky the other a German shepard named Aldo.  They are two hard working police dogs from Florida.  Their job is to sniff out drugs: heroin, cocaine, smack, horse, kibble and jits, the ecstasy train, Blue Buffalo Crystal Meth, and they are the best in the state.  But, unfortunately, their reputations are being called into question by the humans in the Florida Supreme Court (you remember them from the 2000 Presidential election case “I Don’t Know What We Should Do vs. I Don’t Know What Do You Think We Should Do) ruled that Franky’s and Aldo’s identification of drugs belonging to two backwater rubes violated the constitutional ban on unreasonable search and seizures.

I plan to argue that the case should be thrown out of court because it is impossible for dogs to be unreasonable, we are very reasonable, we live in the moment.  To unreasonably search is to plan and we don’t plan, we react.  Dogs who work with the police have learned to use their sniffers to serve man.  Dogs can’t fake sniffing.

What the defense lawyers ask is if it is legal for a dog to sniff outside a house without a warrant.  Let me tell you, as the world’s foremost dog attorney, even if you spend all day licking a judge’s mouth there isn’t a human judge who is going to give a dog a warrant.  Furthermore we can’t control what we sniff, or ignore what we sniff when we sniff it.  We are as unable to go after what we sniff then a judge is to pass a dollar and not put it in his pocket.

What the real issue is, I believe, is that humans, who serve us by feeding us and then cleaning our waste product, know we are the higher race, and have relied on our genetic laziness to hold down important jobs.  But now, some of the more enthusiastic of our species have decided that they too can work (in the important field of law enforcement) and do it better than the humans.  These dogs are also planning to enter the fields of airport security, and any other job where sniff is required.  Afraid that these enthusiastic go getters will spread their desire to be self supporting to other dogs, as will dogs who are now attorneys, the Man means to squash our self-suffiencey before it spreads.

Such a fear is baseless because, while we like to serve humans, and use things we enjoy like sniffing and hunting to help them, we are far too lazy to work full time.  It is a fear that I plan to alleviate at the hearing.  But no one should find fault when we try to use our limited energy to help maintain laws more serious than pooper scooper or leash laws.

I must take issue with a former Justice, David Souter, who said in opposition to a 2005 ruling that recognized our rights to sniff for justice that there is no such thing as an “infallible dog that never errs.”  What a douchebag.  

One of my clients, Frank, was brought to the front door of a house, where he smelled marijuana, sat down to tell his handler that there were drugs in the home, and the house was raided.  My opposing counsel states that Frank violated his client’s rights to privacy, but, hey, Frank wasn’t just walking by the house, stopped, smelled, pointed and said “jah accuse.”  How could Frank be at fault?   A human brought him to the house, and there must have been a reason the officer brought him to the house, so Frank was perfectly in his rights to point out what he sniffed.

Aldo’s case is similar.  Aldo’s human partner pulled a man over who had expired plates and an open beer container.  Aldo’s partner had his pet pal do a sniff test of the car and he, like Frankie, smelled the drugs and sat.  The officer found himself a Heisenberg.  The car was filled with ingredients to make methamphetamine.  The defense is claiming that Aldo did not have enough training to be a certified drug sniffer.  But hey, he found the drugs didn’t he?  You can’t watch a dog catch a 100 frisbees in a row and question if he is a good frisbee catcher.  And poor Aldo didn’t have the kibbles to get training.  Unlike me, who became a lawyer over the Internet, no one has figured out how to produce a smell test on the web, so there is no online training.  My argument for Aldo is “Badges?  He don’t need no stinking badges.”

At last I get to explain the superior dog’s point of view to the most superior judges in the land.  And maybe someday a President will have the testicular fortitude to appoint a dog to the Supreme Court.

Dear Aunt Foley: Rueful Romey

Dear Aunt Foley:  I love my Mom, and when she met my Dad I was very excited.  He’s a great guy and makes her happy.  Then Mom told me that I was her most trusted confidant, and there was no else she trusted planning her wedding.  The plans were coming together and we have worked together perfectly.  But then came the wedding dress.  I picked out one I thought was magnificent.  Mom agreed, but now she’s not sure.   Planning the wedding is my responsibility and I want her to wear the dress I picked out.  But, on the other paw, I think maybe I let Mom down by picking the wrong dress.  Please tell me what I should do. - Rueful Romey

Dear Rueful Romey:  I have been studying humans for a dozen years and nothing gets them more worked up than a wedding.  When humans are planning a wedding they take their brains out and put them on a shelf for a little time each day, and, as the wedding date grows closer they spend less time visiting their brains.  You can make lots of suggestions, and I am sure they’re all wonderful, but it is her wedding, and outside of the day you joined her pack it will be the best day of her life, so give her a lot of leeway and understand when she changes her mind.  It has nothing to do with your mind, her love for you, or what I am sure is a great job you are doing as a wedding planner.  It just has to do with her not visiting her mind too often.  So just stick by her, be the loyal friend you have been, ride out her changes of mind, and pray for the wedding day to come soon.

Dear Aunt Foley:  Hi Aunt Foley.  I have never asked for advice before.  But I am a new dog and I’m really not sure what I should be doing.  I have learned to do my business outside and not inside but I am stumped about the couch in the sun room.  It seems to come with odd rules.  I can get up on it (I am very proud of this) but I am not allowed to get on the back of it.  I lay down on the couch to nap and it is very comfy but if I stand on the back of it, or lie down on the back of it, Mommy makes me get down.  When I moved into the house I did not get a pamphlet on the couch rules, can you enlighten me? - Sophie on the Sofa

Dear Sophie:  The only rule to remember is that you Mommy loves you very much and wants to keep you safe.  Mommies are funny.   If we are sleeping on the couch, have a dream, and roll off, that’s funny, but if we jump on the back of the couch, then fall off, that’s a tragedy.  Speaking as another small in the leg pup I can tell you that Mommies get very worried when we get up high, so try not to get too high, and try not to make your Mommy worry, but, I can assure you, when it comes to Mommies, that is nearly impossible.

Dear Aunt Foley:  I had one of the strangest experiences of my life.  My Mommy sent me across the border to Mexico to get groomed.  She was very worried about this but my Dad said it would be fine.  And when I came home nicely groomed it seemed that Dad was, in fact, correct.  But that night I went out to do my business and when I laid my Vick on the grass a small plastic bag came out with it.  Then a man stepped out of the bushes and said “yo, dog, thanks for the package,” picked the bag out of my poo and left.  What’s up with that?  - Stuffed Pepper

Dear Pepper:  Oh Pepper I have seen this happen a thousand times.  We have wonderful friends in Mexico, and there are hard working, honest people there, but there are also bad people who will do anything to smuggle barkotics into our country.  It is obvious to me that sometime during your grooming you were fed a bag of these barkotics and when you were brought home, and Vicked, the package of drugs came out.  Don’t worry, you will be fine, but just keep in mind that, for part of this month, you were more mule than dog.

Charlie and Lady are our October 28, 2012 Pups of the Week

Last night when I was taking Pocket and Daddy Lackey outside for their final walk of the night, I looked up to the sky, to see two of the newest stars, Charlie and Lady.  I gave them a tip of the tail and they twinkled at me.  Then I led Daddy and Pocket home.  When we were inside I began to think that this is one of the many things us pups do, we lead our parents home.

We lead them home, and we are home.  When humans come to our house, unless we are out with one of our parents, we are home.  We are the constant.  Spouses may leave for a time, children grow up and leave, but not us, we are there, at the door, tails wagging, mouth smiling, the constant force of love that leads them home.

It is true of our cyber homes too.  We expect to see smiling faces and tails wagging on our pages.  Instead of a few dogs greeting us there are hundreds, but when we lose one smiling face, it hurts like we lost a member of the family.

This week we lost two treasured friends:  The first is Charlie from the ‘Burgh, a sweet, handsome English Spaniel, at the age of eight.  He loved his tennis balls and could play with them all day.  He also enjoyed playing in the yard, bothering birds and bunnies, and eating steak.  Charlie was a dog who, like me, loved to be in the lead during walks, but unlike some Moms, who want their pups to walk beside or behind them. Charlie’s Mom loved being taken on adventures by him, being dragged into mud after critters.  Like all wonderful dogs Charlie had his quirks, including enjoying taking a drink out of what he called his Magic Well but other might call a toilet bowl.

Charlie was taken from us at way too young an age and very quickly.  He went from having a bad stomach, to not eating, to bad blood numbers, to his kidneys shutting down, and then to the Bridge in the space of six days.  It happened so quickly it shocked everyone who knew him.  His Mom often referred to him her handsome Prince and that he was.  His Mom, who gave him his voice, is a wonderful woman, who made us understand the love she received from Charlie and how incredible he truly was.  Hearts were broken through the Burgh, and through the Cyber World, when our sweet friend left us.

Also this week Lady left us for the Bridge leaving us all especially heartbroken because it wasn’t too long ago that her brother Fritzchen preceded her.  Lady was a beautiful American Collie who lived in Germany near Cologne.  Lady lost an eight month battle with lymph cancer.  She fought as long as possible to stay with her beloved Mom but her body finally gave out.

When Lady first came to her home she found a house full of cats.  Her mother was a cat breeder and Lady took over as the mother pack leader.  Fritzchen joined her a few months later to keep her company.  The pack then grew to four when Nora and Rocky joined them.  Lady took care of them all.  She also helped her Mom through some serious health issues.  Her loss, to her family and friends, is earth shattering and we want her Mom to know that in America and across the world Lady has thousands of friends and we all love her.

And let’s try not to think of them being gone.  They are here as long as we can visit them through cyberspace.  They are in the stars at night, and snuggling in their Mom’s bed while they sleep, and they are alive in our hearts forever.

And they are still leading their parents, and leading us, to another home, a better home, a quieter home, where we will all live forever.

Foley Monster Finds There is Such a Thing As Too Much Dog Human Personal Displays of Affection

I, Foley Monster, am a well known believer in the rights of dogs and their owners to share a close relationship, including kissing, snuggling together in bed at night, and being inseparable.  I recently became aware of a 44 year old California woman, Teri Graham, who shares my beliefs.  I am now going to let you read my live text chat with her and her bulldog Spider.

Foley Monster:  Hello Mrs. Graham and welcome to you and Spider.  I would like to say, as an advocate of public displays of affection between dogs and humans I fully support your interactions with Spider.

Mrs Graham:  Thank you Foley I wish more people shared your perspective.  There have been a lot of people judging us and I don’t think that’s fair.

Foley Monster:  Neither do I.  Now why don’t you explain to everyone how you publicly display your affection for Spider.

Mrs Graham:  First let me give you a little background.  Spider was the runt of her litter.  She couldn’t get to her Mother’s teats.  Then I noticed that she was licking the nipple of my son’s bottle.

Foley Monster:  Oh, that is so sweet, so you bottle fed Spider and she got the proper nutrients.

Mrs Graham:  No I decided to breastfeed her.

Foley Monster:  Well that is terrific, wait, what?

Mrs Graham:  I breastfeed her.

Foley Monster:  Your daughter, you mean, Spider inspired you to breastfeed your daughter.

Mrs Graham:  No I breast feed my dog Spider.  Here is a picture.

Foley Monster.  Um, well, um, that’s just terrific.  Um, Spider, how do you feel about this?

Spider:  I like boobies.

Foley Monster:  I hope so, you certainly have enough of one there.  Mrs. Graham, did you feel that you should breastfeed Spider because you breast feed your kids and she is just as much apart of the family as your kids?

Mrs Graham:  No, I never breastfed my kids.

Foley Monster:  Oh for God sakes woman throw me a bone here.

Spider:  I like boobies.

Foley Monster:  Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear Spider.

Mrs Graham:  My children do watch me breastfeed Spider.  They are amazed.

Foley Monster:  That’s one of the words I would have used.  Now, Spider must be a pup, once Zhe is older are you going to wean her off.

Spider:  I am two years old.

Foley Monster:  In dog years?

Mrs Graham:  No I have been breast feeding him for two years.

Foley Monster:  Two years?  That’s like 14 years old in dog time.  You got a teenager swinging off your nipples there lady.  Put the nipples away and give her a Frosty Paw.

Mrs Graham:  Foley, I thought you would support me in my public display of affection for my dog.

Foley Monster:  I do, but I got to agree with Mayor Bloomberg on this one, we have to eliminate the Big Gulp.  You’ve got to get Spider off the sweets.

Spider:  Sweet, sweet boobies.

Foley Monster:  Yes, Spider, get off the boobies.

Spider:  Hey mind your business there.  This is between my Mom and me and her wonderfully sweet milk.

Mrs Graham:  This is not just for Spider.  Breastfeeding Spider makes me feel like a complete woman and a better mother.

Pocket Dog:  Mrs Graham.  Pocket Dog here.  I am Foley’s sister.  She is outside gagging.  I was just wondering, do Spider’s teeth bother you?

Mrs Graham:  No, she is very considerate.  Her tongue tickles and I do feel her teeth but she latches on in a way that they don't hurt me.

Spider:  You don’t bite the tit that feeds you.

Pocket:  Let me check with my Mom to see if we can do it.  I’ll be right back.

Foley Monster:  I am back.  Mommy is washing Pocket’s mouth with soup.  She just did it for me to get the taste of this interview out of my mouth and she’s doing it to Pocket for suggesting she breastfeed too.  As for you, Mrs. Graham and Spider, I am going to let you go.

Spider:  Good, I am hungry.

Mrs Graham:  I don’t judge you for kissing your Daddy Foley don’t judge me.

Foley Monster:  I won’t Mrs Graham but remember I kiss my Daddy, I don’t bite his tongue and feed off of him like a vampire dog.  Good night.  And for those of you who think that this was another twisted story from my sick imagination check this out.

http://gawker.com/5952923/meet-the-woman-who-breastfeeds-her-dog-because-she-can