I felt Pocket’s cold nose brushing against my fur on the fourth morning of our bet. I wanted to squirm down further under the blanket. I was exhausted. I had improved somewhat on Princess’ spelling, but her attitude still left so much to be desired.
I had received wonderful advice from 12, Chappy and Whiskey, and Chelsea and Ashton, to bite her in the butt whenever she got out of line, but man, did that behind taste bad. Then Whiskey told me to get a pooper scooper and use it to bite her, but I had trouble holding it, and then spent the rest of the day opening and closing the scooper part and singing Mac the Knife.
“Our guest is waiting in the kitchen for you,” Pocket said.
“How is she?” I asked.
“She’s improved two-fold since she has come under your tutelage,” my sister said. “This morning she asked for French Tust instead of Frunch Tust.”
I burrowed in deeper.
“You can give up now,” Pocket said. “I can give her the French Tust to go and send her back to the castle.”
I stood and stretched. A Monster never quits. I hopped off the bed and went down stairs to see Princess, with syrup dripping from her fur, frantically pounding away on her Blackpuppy.
“Princess, what did I say about managing the web site when we’re working on making you a good dog?” I said.
“I have too. A dog writ a blog abut reign saying he didn’t lick reign. I um deluting him, two poolitcal. I dunt want doggies ticking abut global wumming.”
“Dogs should be able to say they don’t like the rain Princess, it’s just an opinion. How about you, do you like the rain?”
“No, it mekes my ink run.”
“See, that’s an opinion.”
“Oh no, I hive to delute myself.”
“You don’t have to delete anyone, just let dogs speak freely, as long as they are not cruel to one another.”
“Oh, I dunt let dogs be cruul to one anuther, unless they by a supper secret prememum memburship and then they can du what viva they want.”
I shook my head. She had learned nothing. “Princess, you can’t choose your closest friends by how much money they spend on your website. Pocket and I run a web site with lots of friends and we don’t make any money off of it.’
“Mebee I should be tictching ewe,” Princess said.
I sighed. “Let’s start with this dog you want to delete who doesn’t like rain. Why doesn’t he like rain?”
“His huse fluds because the land whure it’s beelt is flat.”
“Well see, that’s a good reason, instead of deleting him you should send him a supportive message.”
“No, I dunt like him, he’s not an Americkan.”
“It doesn’t matter what country he is from, I have lots of friends, from Argentina, Mexico, Rome, they’re all wonderful people.”
Princess looked stunned. “I am repurting ewe to Hummland Sexcurity.”
“OK, what country is he from?” I asked.
“Spain,” he answered.
“Then send him a supportive message about the rain.”
“No rain. R A I N.”
“Yes, you are sorry about the rain in Spain.”
“The rain in Spine?”
“Spain. The rain in Spain.”
“Yes, the rain in Spain. You’re sorry the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain.”
“In the pline?”
“Yes, you’re sorry the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain!”
“The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain?” she said.
By Jove I think she’s got it!
“So instead of deleting him send him a message that says that you are sorry the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain and floods his house!” I said.
“That doesn’t sound like something I would do,” Princess responded.
“You are the new Princess, you just did an entire line without misspelling a word. I’m a genius!” I said happily wagging my tail.
I now had a plan. Magoo of the Nazario Dogs was planning a birthday bash. I would bring Princess as my plus one, and show all my friends that I had changed her into a normal, likeable dog and savor my T-bone I won from Pocket.
I could hardly wait.
WILL THE LESSONS PRINCESS LEARN IMPRESS FOLEY’S AND POCKET’S FRIENDS ENOUGH FOR FOLEY TO EARN HER T-BONE STEAK. STAY TUNED FOR THE CONCLUSION OF MY FAIR PRINCESS.