Wednesday, June 17, 2009

My Fair Princess (Part One)

Pocket and I were enjoying a nice rawhide chew and fortified water while sitting on a balcony over looking our playground as it twinkled in the twilight; when I proposed to my sister that I, a dog of great renown in training, could take any dog off the street and turn them into a refined, well trained, dog about town.

”After all, look what I have done with you Miss Poops-a-lot,” I said. Pocket, showing her new found maturity, ignored my sophomoric remark.

“So, you think that I could find any dog off the street and within a month you can make them as suave and sophisticated as you?” Pocket asked.

“Of course not,” I told my little sister. “I don’t think it would take me more than seven days.”

Pocket took a long drink of her fortified water, put her rawhide in her mouth, and laid back looking at the darkening sky. “Would you like to make this interesting?” she asked.

“How so?” I asked.

“I find a dog, any dog, from anywhere, and within a week if you make them a trained, refined dog, I buy for you a Texas rib-eye, but if you fail, you buy one for me.”

Well this was going to be the easiest steak a Yorkie ever earned. I quickly agreed and gave her 48 hours to find the cur I would turn into an elegant Lollipop.

The morning of the challenge I awoke and Pocket was already awake. I got out of bed and went down the stairs and heard a strange crunching under my feet. I looked down and saw bits of shredded paper. “What has that silly dog done now?” I wondered.

“I am sorry, I burnt the muffins,” Pocket said to our guest.

“Yes, I see, it is very unforchunit,” our guest said.

I stopped in my tracks. No, she couldn’t have. Not Pocket. While she was growing more like me she could not possibly have become this mischievously clever. I hurried into the kitchen and saw her trying to catch a glimpse of herself in the reflection off the refrigerator door.

“Well good morning,” Pocket said, a wide grin on her little face. “You remember the Paper Princess don’t you?”

“Hiloo Fuley,” Princess said. “Pucket berntt tha miffins.”

“Excuse me Pocket,” I said to my sister. “Can I talk to you privately?”

“Well that would be rude to our guest,” Pocket said.

“Dun’t wurry Im atein miffins,” Princess said.

Pocket left the kitchen smiling and we walked to the stairs. “No!” I announced.

“You said any dog,” she said smugly.

“She’s not even a real dog!” I shouted.

“You said any dog, she’s a dog, unless you’re not the pup you think you are?”

Well, no one throws down the gauntlet to a Monster. “Fine,” I said. I got right up in her face so I could smell the burnt muffin on her breath. “I’ll do it. But no interference from you.”

“But I want to watch!” she said. I saw her green ball and threw it up the stairs and she took off after it, gone for the afternoon.

I went back to the kitchen, smiled at Princess, and took a long drink. I then scratched my head trying to think of where to begin. “OK Princess,” I said while thinking very hard. “Pocket wanted you to come here so I can help you be a better dog.”

“Yo beatch whut’s wrung wid tha weigh I ect?”

I took a deep breath. “Well to start with Princess, your spelling.”

“Me spilling. Whut’s wrung wid me spilling? Eye um e ecelant spiller.”

“Um, no Princess, fact is I don’t think you can even spell Princess.”

“P R I N C E A S S” she said triumphantly.

“Well you had me going there for a second,” I said. “I think there are a number of spelling rules we could go over to help you in this area.”

‘I mike tha rulez!” Princess said.

“Yeah, but these rules help you remember how to spell, like, I before e except after c.”

“Nah I befour mea, I befour everybuddy, I Princeass.”

I sighed. “OK, maybe we’ll come back to spelling later, maybe we can work on your attitude.”

“Whut additude?”

“You think you’re better than everyone else.”

“I um butter, I um the Princass!”

Upstairs I could hear Pocket laughing at me. She was right. I certainly had my work cut out with this Prince-ass, but I am a Monster, and a Monster never gives up.

WILL FOLEY BE ABLE TO CHANGE PRINCESS FROM A SELFISH BITCH TO A PROPER LOLLIPOP?

CAN PRINCESS LEARN TO SPELL LOLLIPOP?

WHO WILL WIN THE RIBEYE?

TURN IN NEXT TIME, SAME MONSTER BLOG, SAME MONSTER CHANNEL.

9 comments:

  1. OH My Hell, I'm the first to comment??? Wow I am doing the LMAO. Can't help it. I'm placing a bet, Foley, that you're gonna lose. Sorry. Send a bit of that ribeye to me, Pocket. Love you both. T.

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  2. Hahahahahaha!!!!!!! You made my day!

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  3. I am one to always believe good conquers evil. I say Foley just gets plain frustrated with her arrogance and kicks her Prince-ass ass.

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  4. Foley, I'm afraid you've met your match this time. I believe this is the only dog in the world you won't be able to change. Should I trot over and help you throw her in the pool? Maybe her cardboard will fall apart.

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  5. I think the problem is, Foley, you have taught Pocket TOO well! Grasshopper Pocket has learned much from Master... Good luck in this "challenge", Foley! You can do it! Never give up, never surrender--BOL!!!

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  6. It's hard to imagine that the Paper Princess can be tamed, even by one so powerful and cunning as Foley Monster. -12, Chappy, and Whiskey

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  8. OMD! I had just taken a drink of water when Princess was asked to spell P R I N C E A S S..Water everywhere! I don't know about this one Foley...you got your hands full!! BOL

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  9. I conquer with the rest of the gang.....Foley your gonna loose and Pocket the puppies want to know if you'll send them a little of your rib-eye! BOL

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