Friday, December 11, 2009

The text of Foley Monster accepting the Nobel Pup Prize

Puppies and Lollipops thank you for awarding me the prestigious Nobel Pup Prize. I would like to thank all of those who supported me in winning this award, and for those of you who thought I have not accomplished enough to earn this award well they can stroke my hairy tail.

As I stand here, where so many other prestigious winners have stood, it makes me feel connected to them, like former Vice President Al Gore, who helped me spread the word by inventing the Internet, and taught me to be more tolerant of my sister, who, like Al Gore claiming to invent the Internet, is so full of Vick it’s spilling out on the floor.

Many of you ask how a dog, that uses the alias the General, could win a prize that is associated with peace, after sending several dogs on a raid into an armed castle. But we did it to give all dogs freedom to bark, and some times you need to fight to be free.

I have so many to thank for this award. My Mommy and Daddy, who, if you met them, you would realize they are social pariahs, but if you only know them through helping me post my random thoughts, and some twisted ones of their own, have become popular.

There are so many puppy friends I need to thank. First and foremost, my brother from another mother, the Mayor of Rainbow Bridge, my best friend forever, the Buzz to his Woody, Tanner Bub. I accept this award on behalf of him, his Mom, and his wonderful family.

I apologize in advance for those who I may forget. I need to get all these names in before the Nobel Peace Prize Band begins to play me off. And while I’m on the subject, does Gandhi rock on the sitar or what?

There is my escort for the evening, the beautiful Hattie Mae. You cannot possibly make a better entrance then when you’re on the paw of Hattie; my painter, who captures my spirit, and a dog’s beauty better than any other, Zoe Boe; and my fellow dreamers, our wonderful contest creators, Fred, Junior and Luca.

There are so many more dogs that are more deserving than I: Sarah Jane, who wrote a book for parents who are having trouble paying for doggie expenses in this tough Economy and then held her own bailout and is giving it away for free; Cocoa Puff and Ruger, who helped heal Tanner’s Mom’s heart when he went to the bridge; Macdougal, who healed his Mom’s heart when his Daddy went to the bridge; Shadow, who helped his Mom through a very painful time; The Malatesta Gang, who do unbelievable work in helping abused and homeless dogs everywhere; Sydney, Sonic and Buddy, who have sent their human brother off to war to fight for our freedom, Merry Christmas Jordan; Erin, who helps us all through this confusing series of tubes that is the Internet and allows us to stay together; Buttons at the Bridge, whose Mom does more for dogs through her tweets and blogs then anyone we know; Gracie Mae, who makes the world better just by being so darn cute; Moses, who shines down from the Bridge with love; and the Lambies, who fight for dogs, and against cancer every day.

Why did I get this award and not any of these worthy candidates? The answer, my friends, is simple. Their PR people suck.

So my final thanks go to my PR people, Murray and Joel Fienstein of Fienstein PR in Manhatten, thanks boys and I’m bringing this home for you.

No comments:

Post a Comment