Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Tanner Brigade advances in the World Cup

In one of the greatest upsets in international sports history, a small band of dogs, known as the Tanner Brigade, have advanced to the knockout round of the World Cup where they will face the heavily favored footballers from Chile.

But being underdogs is nothing new for the Brigade. While struggling to win each of their group games they also created controversy. "They're just a bunch of wankin' dogs," England's goaltender Robert Green, still frustrated at allowing a goal to Brigade midfielder Dr. Pocket, who, according to Green, illegally peed on the ball, causing the embattled goalkeep to refuse to touch it as it crossed the goal line.

By far, the most impressive member of the Brigade team has been goalie Hurley, who learned his goal tending technique on the beaches of California chasing Frisbees. Strikers have tried to kick the ball high, low, and side to side but can not get the ball past the flying baby dog.

In their game against Slovenia the European team said they were intimidated by Brigade defenseman Matilda. "It is one thing to put a dog out there," said Slovenia's captain, "but they have a giant black bear!"

Joining Matilda on the defense is the relentless Brody who never lets a ball go by that he doesn't track down, pounce on, and runs with it in his mouth. The English manager was furious over the Brigade's use of their mouths to advance the ball but Brigade manager Foley Monster was able to convince Cup officials that there nothing in the rule book forbidding the advancing of the ball by carrying it in one's mouth.

Other teams complained about the presence of the famed Miss Hattie Mae who does little but stand in the center of the pitch and spin around in her beautiful outfits. "Another bloody distraction playing that team!" the English manager complained about the pretty Hattie.

The Brigade, using brilliant ball control, with their GSD front line of Ruger, Rocky, Honey Bear, and Erin, with one of them running with the ball and the other three nipping and the heals of the defenders are able to control the ball in the other team's zone for the greater part of the game. While officials from other countries continue to complain about the balls in the mouth ball control of the Brigade the USA has added Lady Gaga, an expert at having balls in her mouth to the team.

Many soccer experts say the Brigade has been successful because they have an international flavor with Luca from Argentina, Foxy from Hong Kong, Paco from Italy, Pintus from Mexico, Mia from Australia and Kolchak from Canada makes the Brigade able to show several different styles to confuse the opponents, who are also dumbfounded when the entire team leaves the pitch to chase the squirrels.

The leading scorers on the team Sydney, Sonic and Buddy, are all from the same Wisconsin pack, and their high flying antics have made them favorites of those who refer to futbol as the beautiful game.

So this little brigade of dogs, who were thought to be cannon fodder for the more experienced teams, have become both fan favorites with their spirited play, and favorites of the Cup experts.

Team manager Foley Monster had only one request for the South African fans. "Can you stop blowing those damn Vuvuzelas! We're dogs, we have sensitive ears. Pocket can barely hear herself pee."

With their victory over England the entire world can hear Pocket pee.

2 comments:

  1. Very creative and a hard team to beat, no matter what!! Hgs, Shiloh & Mum

    ReplyDelete