Saturday, July 3, 2010

Foley Monster's First Half of 2010 Rap

I have noticed lots of the kids out there now are into this new "rap" or "hip hop" music. I, being the distinguished writer that I am, have decided to dip my hand in the rap or hip hop well. I tell the young pups in my writing class that they should write what they know. So, my first try at writing a rap song will be called" My First Half of 2010 Rap a year that's begun like crap!"

It's 2010 and I'm glad it's half way over
It's feeling like someone stepped on my four leaf clover
It's been so bad, this 2010
Like getting your arm chewed off by not so Gentle Ben

It started in winter so cold and dark
Every time my whowho hit the ground I had to bark
Looked forward to coming into the house all toasty and warm
Then the furnace broke left us shivering and in harm

Didn't have it for two days, we were all going to freeze
To keep warm Mommy and Daddy wore us Yorkies on their knees
Finally the furnace came to keep us warm with heat
Plumber took most of our money then made tracks with his feet

All winter our Nana had taken ill
Nothing that could be cured by no ordinary pill
Doctor said come on in, we'll do a simple op
Never again spent a night home alone with pop

While Nana's in the hospital fighting for her life
Two weeks of constant rain added to our strife
First thing to happen was a broke sump pump
Cellar fills with liquid like Dr Pepper inside the bladder of Forrest Gump

Plumber comes over says he fixed the pump
Next morning broken again, out of bed did Mommy jump
Finally a new pump install
In our finished basement mold climbed the wall

Then the hot water heater died
Mommy sat in the basement and cried
To get the pilot lit her and Daddy were bailin'
Meanwhile Pocket and I around the cellar were sailin'

For weeks had water down there driving Mommy crazy
Meanwhile Daddy and Papa driving to Boston making each other crazy
Nana sent to New Bedford rehab for healing
Never send Nana to get better in a city known for whaling

Cellar drying out, Mommy and Daddy knocking down walls
Throwing out stuff until the dumpster they had to crawl
Made Mommy's bad knee even worse
Started wondering if we were under some curse

At the hospital Nana gets a bad infection called C-Difff
In her tummy, didn't want no visits, afraid they'd get a whiff
Doctors said they would have it taken care of in a jiff
Would have been more compassionate if they drove her off a cliff

Meanwhile back at the ranch Mommy found strange colors and a lump
Into her throat her heart did jump
A sad call to the Doctor was made
And we all sat up at night and prayed

Nana's infection was gone the doctors assured
Right about the time she became uninsured
Two days later she went into septic shock
Infection ate through her colon said the surprised doc

Mommy went to the doctor and got rare good news
Nothing to worry about, don't need to pay dues
Mommy and Daddy thought they could sleep through the night
But at midnight came the call that Nana had no more fight

More sad days and nights, we comforted with sweet licks
Making this worse Dad's bitch sister and her husband the dick
But we Pups helped them get through like we always do
Even if Pocket has trouble containing her poo

We now deserved some good news for heaven sake
Two weeks later our washing machine did break
Mommy got to hang out at the Laundramat
It'd been a long time but inside was the same pervert

Then came the night when Daddy's belly broke
Mommy worried so much her sweat gave the sheets a soak
Thankfully he will be all right after the docs operate
But then I think of what the Doctors said to Nana and think wait

Friday Mommy and Daddy had a relaxing day in Bristol RI
No reasons to worry or cry
Later that day, by the new washer, laundry they were folding
And they sighed as at their feet a new puddle was growing

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