Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dear Aunt Foley

Dear Aunt Foley.
I am the loving mother of two dogs, one male, one female.  We owned the female first and then we got the male as a companion.  The boy is very low key Shih Tzu.  All he wants to do is lie on my lap all day.  His sister is a playful Golden Retriever but she is also very stubborn, barks constantly, and nips when I try to discipline her.  I am finding I am enjoying my time with my quiet little boy then I am with my playful but stubborn little girl.  By the end of the day I find myself sitting with my little boy at night and yelling at my little girl.  I try to treat them equally but my little girl is driving me crazy.  I talked to my sister and she said I was being a bad dog parent if I wasn't treating them the same.  I would like to love them and treat them the same, what should I do?
Conflicted.

Dear Conflicted:
 I am a little confused about how you could prefer your boy dog over your girl dog.  I know there are some Moms who prefer boy dogs, and there is nothing wrong with that.  But if you have a boy and girl dog I don't know how you can prefer the boy, namely because they have that thing.  It hangs down, sometimes it sprouts a little rocket, they hump anything that moves.  I may be the monster but no one makes the monster with two backs with me.  Having said all of that I don't think your problem is with boys vs girls.  It's breeds.  Shih Tzus are cute, beautiful and sweet.  They also have the excitability of a throw rug.  A Retriever needs to go, go, go, all the time.  If you walk the Retriever more often it will have less energy that turns negative towards you.  You can take the Shih Tzu on a walk,  but he would be just as happy with a warm spot on the rug and a toy.  Walk your retriever, get her energy out, work with her on training and she should be fine.  She could also be frustrated that, while you're not watching, your Shih Tzu is humping her.  I wouldn't imagine it would be more than one hump since a Shih Tzu's energy level is low.  Work the your Retriever, make sure your Shih Tzu isn't humping, and you should be fine.

Dear Aunt Foley
I am a rescue dog.  I was rescued from the cold wet streets by my loving Mommy and Daddy.  But ever since I was rescued I have noticed that my puppy brother, who was here before me, is jealous.  While I was on the street I hadn't been "fixed" yet (my new parents did it when they found me) and I did several things that I am not proud of.  I ate food out of dumpsters, stole food from garages, and had random sex, sometimes with farm animals.  I knew it was wrong, but it was the only satisfaction in my life was sharing my adventures in my Homeless Dog blog.  Once I got adopted I ended the blog.  But my brother found it on line last weekend and had my parents read it.  They say it makes no difference to them and they aren't treating me  differently.  Should I demand an apology from my brother?  Bite him in the ear?  And how do I reconcile what has happened with my Mom and Dad?
Former Bad Girl

Dear Former Bad Girl:
One of the lessons of the Internet, that we learn too late, is that once we put something there it never goes away.  But your brother shouldn't have investigated your past (obviously he is the jealous type) and certainly shouldn't have told your Mom and Dad.  Moms and Dads who take rescue pups don't care if there is something they are not proud of  in their adopted pups past.  They assume there is and all you needed was a good Mom and Dad to show you the right way, and to get your private parts closed for business.  As for your brother, first do a google search to see if there is any dirt on him, and when you are done with that, bite him in the butt.

Dear Aunt Foley:
I am a pure bred male poodle who is a stud dog and so far life is fantastic.  I mean really fantastic.  I know most of you pups have been fixed or neutered, and that is good, but for us who haven't, I mean you have no idea.  It's like really good steak.  A lot of really good steak.  Anyway I got loose one day, and I picked up the scent of a lollipop in heat.  If you have never had this sensation before let me explain it to you.  It's like when Daddy is eating a pretzel.  And you really want a piece of that pretzel.  But this is going to be the best piece of pretzel ever.  And you have to have it right now.  And when you get that pretzel, it's so good.  Well to make a long story short I got her pretzel and it was just about the best pretzel I have ever had.  I would really like to get more of her pretzels but Mommy found out and she is mad that my pretzel girl is not a pure bread like me and she doesn't want me wasting my boys on inferior pretzels.  How can I get my Mommy to understand it's not who made the pretzel, or where it came from, but how it tastes that matters?
Signed Twisted

Dear Twisted
Having had my forlorn ovaries removed long ago I am afraid I cannot relate to your situation.  Although if you think that this intercourse that you had with this other dog is better than a pretzel I do think you need counseling or a better pretzel.  You found a dog you like and you did the humpity hump and now little pups are on the way.  This is a reason to celebrate.  Humans have to understand dogs that aren't fixed don't just do it to give them puppies they can sell or to put a video of them on You Tube for lonely man to watch late at night, sometimes it is because dogs have made a connection.  I am betting that this will be the best littler you ever produce with lots of wonderful pups.  But just to be safe I'd try to be more careful about keeping the rocket on the launch pad if I was you.


If you have a question for Aunt Foley please send them to Foleymonsterandpocket@gmail.com










2 comments:

  1. BOL! Oh Aunt Foley, you are so wise, so funny. I may have to send an issue to you, but which one? The PITA brother? The rudeness of people staring at my favourite (and mpst personal) balls? Or something else altogether? Hmmmmmm...off to think!

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  2. Hm. What kind of pretzels do you get??????
    BOL BOL BOL!!!!!

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