Wednesday, June 8, 2011

An apology from Foley Monster

A statement from Foley Monster:  I am here today to quell the rumors that have recently been spread by evil humans about me.  This picture was tweeted to @Kolsnotes Twitter account supposedly from my profile.  I did not send this picture to Kolchak, Felix or any other dog.  I find such behavior reprehensible and would not do it under any circumstances. 

Somehow  the picture was retweeted across the Internet.  Now there are calls from me to step down as leader of the Tanner Brigade.  Let me state first of all, that is not a picture of me.  There are plenty of adorable, fit, super sexy Yorkshire Terriers out there and that could be any one of us.

Oh all right.  That is me.  I mean who am I trying to kid?  Who else could be that adorable?

But I don't know how it got tweeted.  My account got hacked, possibly by my jealous sister Pocket, or some evil dog from my neighborhood who doesn't like me peeing on their lawn.  I share this computer with my Mommy and Daddy.  I don't think they would do such a thing on purpose but they may have wanted to tweet another picture of me and like all humans got confused.

All right I tweeted the picture!  I am very sorry if my actions offended anyone.  Since my ovaries were involuntarily slit out of me, I have to have some fun.  Anyway I'm not the only one who does this, look at this collection of slutty puppies.

Even kitties are getting in on the act
I know that this behavior must be a great shock to my family.  I would like to apologize to my Mommy and Daddy for using their computer to upload dirty puppy pictures of myself and not to use it for it's stated purpose, to upload dirty girlie pictures for Daddy.  I would like to apologize the my constituents at the Tanner Brigade.  I know you have always trusted me to make the best decision for you and instead of doing so I've been spreading my fluffy over six continents. 

I would like to apologize to Kol and Felix for dragging them into unwillingly into this situation like it was bath day.  They bear no responsibility.  I am sorry to have disrupted their life in this way.  I would also like to apologize to Aunt Jodi and tell her she will find a printed copy of this photo under Felix's doggy bed.

To be clear I have not met any of these dogs or had a physical relationship of any kind.  I haven't told the truth and I've done things I deeply regret.  I once bit a squirrel in Reno just to watch it die.  I ate a wheel of cheese.

I brought pain to those dogs who trust me, and most of all believe in me.  Not so much from this picture thing but from:  fating, endlessly barking at the table for food, taking up most of the blanket at night, snapping at Pocket when Mommy comes home, struggling to get free like a horse going into a paddock when it's time to get my teeth brushed, licking Mommy's slippers making them so wet when she steps into them they go squishy, licking Daddy's hand until it is numb then scraping my teeth on it until it bleeds because I love the taste of blood.  I figured while I was here apologizing I might as well cover everything.  Considering I sleep 20 hours a day you must admit, this is an impressive list of trouble.

In closing I would like to say I am deeply ashamed of my terrible judgement and actions.  But I'm not going to stop.   If you would like more dirty pictures of me please let me just drop me an e-mail.  I can't stop now and disappoint my fans.

The would make me some kind of Weiner.




9 comments:

  1. We forgive you for your transgressions.

    Now let's see more of this doggie porn.

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  2. "I have not met Foley Monster, though I am a fan." The Puggle at the Center of Yorkiegate responds. Find all the details at http://kolchakpuggle.blogspot.com/2011/06/puggle-at-center-of-yorkiegate-responds.html

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  3. Kelly wants to sign onto her own account to consider this whole situation in private...

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  4. Here I am trying to be holy and I decide to visit my friend's blog and what do I see but one disturbing picture after another and a list of sins a mile long.

    The Doggie Lama is not pleased... impressed, but not pleased. In fact, I think I burned my retinas on the cat picture. Ackkkk.

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  5. We just got done nominating your blog for the 2011 Petties Award at http://dogtime.com/petties Naturally we nominated your blog for Funniest Blog. If you get enough nominations your blog will enter the voting stage. So get out there and tell people to nominate your blog! Good Luck & No Bribes!

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  6. thanks for stopping by oour blog cutie. Those papaparazzi are sneaky
    Benny & Lily

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  7. Yorkie gate!!!! BOL!! I think you were FRAMED!

    Your pal, Pip

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  8. It's embarrassing to admit this, but..."More!!! More!!! More!!! I never realized how provocative our Miss Foley can be! Love, Blazer

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