Friday, January 27, 2012

Ask Aunt Foley January 27, 2012 Edition



Dear Aunt Foley: I smelled French Fries and found the French Fry bag on the floor. I stuck my head in as far as it could go but I couldn’t find no French Fries, and I couldn’t find my way out of the bag. How do I stop this from happening again and where are the French Fries?
Lou ee

Dear Aunt Foley: I got a hankering for some pickles, and I stuck my head in a jar, and I got it stuck in there. I am just a young pup. I guess I shouldn’t have done it. Any suggestions on how to not get my head stuck in a can?
Cinnamon

Dear Lou ee and Cinnamon: I put these questions together because they cover the same subject: Young dogs sticking their heads where they don’t belong. I know the smell of fries (and pickles?) can be overwhelming but you have to learn how to resist. This, of course, is another trick of those humans who want to distract us from taking care of our parents.

Dear Aunt Foley: My friend Pez’s mother sent me a box of liver treats. Mommy left the box where I could get at it. Mommy went out for the day and left me and my kitty home alone. Those liver treats smelled so good I couldn’t resist them. I opened the box and kitty and I feasted on those treats. When Mommy got home I thought Mommy would be happy with us for being self-sufficent but instead she was mad for eating the treats without permission. Was I wrong?
Apple

Dear Apple: Oh this is one of the things humans do. They have trust issues. They leave food lying around to see if they can trust us. Of course they can trust us. We totally will leave the treats alone because we are completely trust worthy. Except as the treats sit there we begin to realize: The treats were put there because they haven’t learned to trust us after all we have done Who are they to mistrust us after all we have done for them? So we eat them, not because we aren’t trustworthy, but to teach them a lesson to don’t leave treats out to test us. So no Apple, you’re not wrong. That kittie though, totally wrong.

Dear Aunt Foley: I was looking at a picture of my dear friend Luca lying on his back and then I went into the bedroom, and I hopped up on the bed, and laid on my back, and looked at the mirrored ceiling my Mom has (don’t ask) and I noticed that Luca has things that I don’t have. I need to know what Luca has that I don’t have and why does he have them and I don’t?
Smoochy

Dear Smoochy: I have some very disturbing news for you. When you were a young pup, before you really knew what was happening, your mother cut your nuts off. Luca still has his nuts. But he is from Argentina. When he went to the vet he asked for an Argentinian. I believe what you got is called the Brazilian. You are a victim of the wrong South American country. I had a similar thing happen to my forlorn ovaries. Mommy says it was for our own good but I think they feel guilty about it and that’s why they spend so much time cleaning up our crap

Dear Aunt Foley: I am part of Secret Paws on DS. I have been asked to tell my Secret Paw what they need to know about me. I don’t know what I would say. What would you say?
Sushi

Dear Sushi: Well, I would first say that Pocket likes treats and to play with balls. We also are big fans of anything we can wear. We got a nice scarf and sweater from Smoochy last year and plenty of treats. But or me, as a successful lawyer, I have found that there is nothing better than cold hard cash. She put some bills in a manila envelope and mail it to Foley Monster. The bigger the bills the better. So take my advice Sushi, nothing gets the job done like cash.

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