Tuesday, January 31, 2012

From the files of Foley Monster Attorney at Paws: The Case of Uggie's Missing Oscar Nomination

I, Foley Monster, Attorney at Paw, am filing a law suit for Uggie who shall also be known as the plaintiff against the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, to be called the defendant,  for discrimination for not nominating Uggie for Outstanding Actor in a Supporting Role for his performance in the best picture nominated film, The Artist because Uggie is a dog.  If you agree that Uggie deserves an Academy Award you can support him by liking his Facebook page: HERE

Many critics have maintained that Uggie is the best part of this highly acclaimed movie.  I cannot testify to this because (1) I am a dog and they don’t allow me into movie theaters (an exception to this is for seeing eye dogs, who sit on their owner’s lap and say “rut roo re’s roing rinto the ralley where the ruy’s rut the run.”)’  (2)  The movie is one of those artsy movies that only play in old theaters within walking distance of an over sized college campus; (3) It’s a silent movie and, like I’m paying money for that crap.  Uggie did have a small role in Water For Elephants but I didn’t notice him because that dreamy Robert Patterson (go Team Edward) and an olyphant were in it.

I anticipate the defendants’ answer is going to be that they don’t nominate animals in acting roles.  I would counter by saying that actor and well known creepy dude James Franco was campaigning for Andy Sedakis, who played an Ape in Origin of The Planet of the Apes to receive a nomination for his stop motion acting which was then, through the use of computers, turned into the actions of an ape.  So according to the prejudiced practices of the Academy a man playing an animal can be nominated but an animal playing an animal (or a human) cannot.  So they are not prejudiced against animals on film, just animal actors.

The lead actor in The Artist was nominated for Best Actor despite not having any dialogue,  the script was nominated for best original screenplay despite not having anything written on a page, but Uggie, who didn’t have any lines either, wasn’t nominated.   I understand that it isn’t possible for a dog to say words on film, but who is it harder to keep quiet for an hour and a half a human or a dog?  OK:  A male human or a dog?

I have had Professor Pocket do some research and we discovered that there were dogs nominated in the past but they, with use of makeup and special effects, made it seem like a human was being nominated.  Cases in point:  Cher’s Oscar win for Silkwood and Hllary Swank winning  twice.  Twice!  And Sean Penn?  Lollipop please.  

If the Academy would like to avoid this law suit we ask them to remove one of the nominees for Best Supporting Actor.  I would suggest Jonah Hill.  If you don’t recognize the name he was the fat kid in Superbad who wasn’t Michael Cera or McLovin.  We are also saving some young starlet the humiliation of having to buy a gown to match his big giant head on the runway.

It is just the Americans who discriminate against dogs.  The Cannes Film Festival awarded Uggie with the Palm Dog Award.   Those French know how to treat their dogs.  Uggie is up for a Golden Collar Award and director Martin Scorcese has asked that Blackie the Dog from his movie Hugo be nominated for a Golden Collar too.  It is a conflict of interest for me to represent Blackie (and also if he’s in a Scorcese film he is probably all mobbed up) but you can vote for him to be nominfated for  a Golden Collar Award .HERE 

Uggie has taken his snub so personally he has retired from making movies.  He does not have a statement, because he cannot talk, and spent all his time learning dancing and not typing, which is why he’s paying me, because I went to Paws Typing Class while he went to the Rin Tin Tin school of acting, and now I am his voice.  But Uggie will be heard.  I have been asked to relay to him that he is being asked to deliver the Best Supporting Actress Award.  When he does he is going to take a giant poo on the stage in response to the Academy.

Perhaps the screenwriters of The Artist are correct.  You can say more with actions than words.



4 comments:

  1. I love your new blog, the artwork is really cool! are you going to have a rundown of the superbowl commercials? I hear there are a few with doggies.

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  2. Without Uggie the movie is nothing! BOL
    Benny & Lily

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  3. I believe an amicus brief is in order and perhaps a class action suit? I think if we include all canine actors past, present and future we have enough to establish a certifiable class, and I question... were they paid? Are the allowed to join SAG??? Mhhhhh. DISCRIMINATION is ugly....

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  4. Wow! You are so right that Uggie is being discriminated against. I like this new blog! Love, Blazer

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