K9 Kamp IV Holy Moses

This week we kept it simple for K9-Kamp IV Do What You Want.  We did some walking, we played some ball, nothing worth writing about again.  But when we were done I weighed Daddy.  I did this by picking him up in my mouth and holding him, then stepping on the scale, recording our combined weight, then dropping him on the ground like a stinky squirrel, weighing myself, and figuring the difference.  Four hours later I determined he had lost four pounds.

Now this was good,  but he had last weighed himself on what I think was a more accurate scale, so I am not sure he lost weight at all.  Plus, while thanks to the K-9 Kamp organizers Daddy is walking and healthier you need to do more than walking.  Daddy told me watching what he eats and walking will be fine for him.  But, to prove him wrong I turned to the most accurate words ever written:  No, not the Bible, and not the movies, but movies about the Bible.

In fact the movie I showed him was the Ten Commandments.  After slogging through two and a half hours we got to the part that I felt was of particular importance to my Dad, the end.  Because it was here where Moses, portrayed by Charlton Heston, has reached the Promised Land, after 40 years wandering the desert and living on as little food as possible, and he still has a paunch.  So if Moses can do nothing but walk and eat organic food for 40 years and he still is built like George Costanza what chance does Daddy have?

We did find an easter egg on the DVD with a deleted scene and it a scene between Moses and his dog.  I don’t know why the dog did not make the final cut.  But, what was fascinating, is the dog was having the same conversation with Moses as I was with my Dad, that walking and eating well were not enough to stay in shape.

I have transcribed the scene.  Please to enjoy.

Dog:  Hey Moses.

Moses:  Hey Dog.

Dog:  Sure is hot.
Moses:  Yes, but it’s a dry heat.

Dog:  Why don’t you pick me up?  I am tired of walking.

Moses:  I cannot carry you.   We were doomed to wander for 40 years.  None of us can be carried.  Plus I would have to put down my staff.

Dog:  Hey, I wasn’t doomed to wander.  I just saw you wander by, you looked like you needed some help, so I walked next to you.   And why can’t you put down the staff?

Moses:  I never put down the staff.  I parted the Red Sea with this staff.  It protected me from the hand of God.  It is leading us to the Promised Land.

Dog:  First of all, that Red Sea thing was like 40 years ago and some of us think it might have been a small tsunami.  And don’t forget, you dropped the tablets because you would not let go of that staff.

Moses:  I did not drop the tablets.  I threw them at the Infidels.

Dog:  Infidels?  Please.  You threw them at Edwin G. Robinson.  The guy was Little Caeser.  You didn’t see problems coming.  Anyway, word around the watering puddle is that you dropped them.  As for that leading us to the Promised Land?  It’s been 40 years.  Duh.

Moses:  Mind your tongue dog.

Dog:  I would like to but it is dragging in the sand from the heat.  By the way.  Why have you never named me?  You have a pet you should name the.

Moses:  I do not name animals.  I've been through the desert on a horse with no name,
It felt good to be out of the rain.  In the desert you can remember your name,  'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.

Tribe of Israel:  La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
Dog:  Not bad harmony for a party of wanderers.  

Lone member of tribe of Israel:  Zeppelin!

Moses:  Quiet infidel or I will smote you.

Dog:  Again with the smoting, no one believes you can smote.  Enough with the smoting already.  Hey.  I’m hungry.

Moses:  We are all hungry dog.  Hopefully we shall come across some organic food to eat and you shall get your share.

Dog:   My share is usually what you drop.  And anyway, Mo, I’ve noticed, 40 years of wandering and eating organic food and you still look like you’re running a solid 220.  I’ve seen people lose half a body weight after a week on Survivor.

Moses:  This is the size I need to be to lead my people.

Dog:  Just saying you’re a bit overweight.  Maybe we could stop and you could do some sit ups or push ups.  Maybe some light aerobic work.  It can’t hurt.

Moses:  Be quiet dog.   I am at the perfect weight.

Dog:  OK but I’m just saying when we wandered over the Wii Fit station it said you were obese.

Moses:  Wii Fit.  Product of Infidels.  Like the scales at the doctor’s.  I weigh myself at home then go to the doctor and I somehow gained five stone on the camel ride. over.  

Dog:  Are you on anxiety meds?   That can cause weight gain.

Moses:  I am not on anxiety meds.

Dog:  Nobody would blame you.  Surviving the kill the first born thing, the little boat trip as a baby, that crazy, crazy Pharoh.  No one would blame you if you needed a little help to get through the day.

Moses:  We are done talking about this dog.

Dog:  Are we there yet?

Moses:  Just over the next dune.

Dog: You said that 20 years ago.

Moses:  Keep walking dog.

Dog:  Hey Moses?

Moses:  Yes

Dog:  Sure is hot.