In the mornings Mommy takes her shower first. While she is doing so Daddy takes us out, cleans up after us, gives us our treats, looks through the paper, starts Mommy’s tea, and then goes on his computer to check out news. (Mommy takes a long shower.) Daddy put the computer on the floor and I bring him my red ball. And then Daddy throws it without taking his eyes off the computer screen. The idea is that I will run after the ball, retrieve it, run back with it, and drop it by Daddy to be thrown again. But Daddy, while never looking, has the ability to make impossible shots he could never make if he was attempting to do it.
is a small, thin hutch in a corner of the kitchen. The space between
the hutch and the wall is slightly wider than the width of the ball. It
would take an expert bowler ten tries to get it behind the hutch. Daddy,
while blindly throwing the ball ten times, can get it behind the hutch
there are Mommy’s shoes. She leaves them by the front door. To get the
ball in the shoe Daddy has to hit the chair in the dining room chair on
the back right leg, have it bounce off the right spot to hit the outside
corner of the door frame which will make it dive towards the closet
door where it nestles inside Mommy’s shoe. When I run to Daddy barking
that I have lost the ball, he crawls on all fours to look for it, and he
always says the same thing: “How the hell did that happen?” It happens
once out of 40 times.
there is what we like to call the hole in one. It is a blind shot that
bounces into our water dish. I like this very much because the water
splashes up in the air like a fountain. Mommy doesn’t like it because
she has to wipe the water off the floor. She has a hard time dealing
with three kids in her house, Foley, me, and Daddy Minion.
the ball goes into the water dish I have to bark at Daddy to get it
out. Even with my tiny mouth I can’t open my jaws wide enough to pick up
the ball. Daddy comes crawling over and takes the ball out of the dish.
He is supposed to dry the ball because when he throws it when it is wet
it sprays water into the air. But he forgets and then he bounces it and
water flies off it as pretty as dew off a butterfly’s wings. Then it
splatters on the wall and gets Mommy mad. Daddy puts the ball in the
dish one out of ten times.
don’t get mad at Daddy when he throws the ball to a spot that is
inaccessible but I wish that worked for both of us. When I bring the
ball into the bedroom put it on the ground and nose it right under the
bureau I don’t get credit for it. Tiger Woods couldn’t do that with the
accuracy that I do but Daddy still asks “Pocket how did you do that?” At
least I have the class not to ask him how he got the ball in Mommy’s
It is a fact of life: Dogs are much more polite and understanding than humans.