Thursday, January 31, 2013

Testimony From Foley's Confirmation Hearing For Ambassador to Dog

This week Foley Monster testified before the Senate’s Animal Relations Committee. President Obama had nominated Foley to be his Ambassador to Dog. Here is partial testimony from the confirmation hearing:

Foley Monster:  I would like to thank the President for this prestigious nomination and look forward to answering your questions. I hope to, as Ambassador to Dog, address many of the issues facing the majority of dogs in this country including breed discrimination, the continued importing of tainted food from China, humans who take up too much of the bed, missed walk times, late feeding times, and fireworks. I am ready to take your questions:

Fawning Liberal Senator Just Happy to be on the Committee:  Miss Monster, I would like to thank you for being here, your skills as a dog are unparalleled, and the President has shown the wisdom of Lincoln and the boldness of Teddy Roosevelt in appointing you.

Foley Monster: Was that a question?

Fawning Liberal Senator Just Happy to be on the Committee: No I just wanted to say I heart you, I heart the President, And hi Mom.

Obstructionist Conservative Senator Speaking With Southern Drawl: Ms. Foley Monster, this committee is not impressed by your fancy dress or tail wagging. We are just one small horse away from a dog and pony show. What I want to ask you is in your liberal, European, Socialist opinion should the country be concerned about climate change?

Foley Monster: Oh yes, very concerned.

Obstructionist Conservative Senator Speaking With Southern Drawl: Why Miss Monster that climate change is nothing but a hoax, a way for the Socialist administration to drive a wedge between American people and their money.

Foley Monster:  With all due respect Obstructionist Conservative Senator Speaking With Southern Drawl just six months ago I was walking around on a very hot day, panting, and thirsty. Now I go outside and the ice cracks my pads, I shiver, and two days ago when I peed I got stuck to the ground. Us dogs hate climate change. We want it 60 degrees and sunny every day and won’t rest until it is.

Angry, Perhaps Senile or Drunk Conservative Senator From the Southwest: FOLEY MONSTER WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO ABOUT CHINA? WE HAVE TO STOP BOWING TO CHINA. WE SHOULD BLOW UP CHINA. GENERAL GAO’S CHICKEN GIVES ME GAS.

Foley Monster: I am not friend of the Chinese. Their food is terrible and dangerous. I know when humans eat Chinese food they need to eat again in an hour, but if dogs eat Chinese food their owners have to buy another dog in an hour.

Angry, Perhaps Senile or Drunk Conservative Senator From the Southwest: I WANT TO BLOW THEM ALL INTO THE SEA!

Foley Monster: Well, that may be a little extreme for my taste but I don’t have a problem bombing the crap out of the dog food factories.

The rest of Foley’s testimony was routine and her nomination seemed certain to be confirmed until this picture surfaced and she had to withdraw from consideration.


5 comments:

  1. Oh no, you always have to get the negatives! A bit hard with digital cameras. We're sure you would have made a wonderful Ambassador.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

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  2. Ha ha where you caught out doing a centerfold? We blame the squirrels. They set you up with photoshop? Ride it out Foley and remember there is no such thing as bad publicity, just bad spin!
    Have a fabulous Friday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  3. JD- Hmmm I have that issue! I took the staple out very very gingerly and now the "poster" hangs over my upstairs bed.

    Silvieon4- JD is a chauvinistic pig...

    The Wendy- Yea, he is, and he has a belly fetish, nuff said.

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  4. WHOA! Is that going in Playdog monthly?! Holy woof Miss Monster. Who knew you were THAT kind of girl?

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