For five years I have worked very hard to become housetrained. Last year I made a vow: No more embarrassing pee puddle, no more wet spots on the rug, no more boom booms left on the kitchen floor. With concentration, and learning to control the muscles in my netherlands, I became housebroken and put aside my blue denim diaper forever.
I was a Pocket triumphant. Then came winter, and I was left to wonder why had I ever bothered to become housebroken at all?
has always told me to watch the humans and learn from their strange
ways. She says she learned housebreaking while still a pup and now it is
a behavior she cannot unlearn. When I was going in the house Foley
would publically call me unprofessional but privately she told me that
humans didn’t go outside and I shouldn’t either.
wished I had learned from her. I have gone from a life of getting out
of my warm bed and taking a whizz in the corner to getting out of my
warm bed, putting on a slight jacket, going into the freezing cold,
where, not only am I supposed to urinate and risk getting frozen to the
ground but then I have to get into the least protected position in the
animal kingdom, the poo squat, and while I relieve my bowels for all the
world to see I have no protection from wind, rain, ice, and evasive
Daddy comes in the house, walks into the warm bathroom, does his
business, and flushes it away. I asked Daddy why I can’t pee in the
bowl and he says it’s because we haven’t evolved like he has. I guess
he’s right because when I have to pee or poo I need to revolve in a
circle and it’s a rule of nature that, if you have to revolve you will
night they are predicting that we will be getting four Foleys of snow
which is a lot of snow. Humans will be making extraordinary efforts to
ensure that every human is safe inside during the storm. While this is
occurring we will be taken outside and stand with nothing protecting us
just to pee.
And to think I had to learn to do this. If there is one thing I have learned from this is to never learn again.