Of Bundesrat and zoophiles or Fred and Fido a Love Story

First, before I begin my rant, I would like to thank my friend’s Cassie’s Dad for bringing this story to my attention.  It ran in today’s New York Times, and, sadly, it is true.

And now, I rant.

The Bundesrat, which is the upper house of Parliament in Germany and not, as I had originally believed, the German manufactured car driven by the Pillsbury Dough Boy, voted on Friday to criminalize “using an animal for personal sexual activities” and to punish the humans that do so with fines of as much as $34,000

$34,000? Let me tell you buddy, if I don’t know you and haven’t given you a good sniffing I wouldn’t let you stroke my tail for $34,000.  No wonder they called the Nazi march goose stepping, they had to get their legs that high to mount the goose. I guess when Hitler’s few defenders said he was OK because he loved his dogs they meant he really loved his dogs.

Amongst the new regulations contained in this legislation is: “using an animal for personal sexual activities or making them available to third parties for sexual activities and thereby forcing them to behave in ways that are inappropriate to their species” is no longer legal. And this law was passed is 2013? I know pimpin’ ain’t easy but it should be a little harder than taking the dog for a walk and leaving it tied to a lamppost then hoping for the best.

Apparently there is a group who opposed the Bundesrat legislation. They are known as zoophiles and they are represented by Michael Kiok who claims that animals are perfectly capable of expressing whether or not they desire sex.  That is true, and, as a representative of dogs everywhere let me state our expression is “Oh hell no!”

David Zimmermann, an animal caretaker who is also a director of the zoophilie group, says that he had a sexual relationship with his Great Dane until it passed away.  He said “It’s a sexual aspect that is entirely foreign to most people. They just see a man and think, ‘What terrible things is he doing to that dog?’ ”  Yes, they do, now step away from the dog!

Let me sum up by saying that we call you Mommy and Daddy for a reason. If you wouldn’t do that to your children don’t be doing it to us, and if you would be doing to your children then you got problems no dog can solve.

And my friends, if a human ever comes at you with that intention, well, I wouldn’t tell you to bite the hand that feeds you but everything else is fair game.