What the hell is this cold, white, fluffy stuff by River Song

I spent most of the first year of my life in Florida, basking in the sunshine, thinking that when the temperature slipped to 40 degrees it was a cold day.

I moved to New England in July and the weather was divine.  Then someone put cold in the air.  I didn’t mind it so much.  I got a warm, snuggly jacket to wear that was really quite fashionable.  This winter thing was going to be a snap.

And then, just a couple of mornings ago, I was lifted by Daddy from my warm bed, snuggled next to Mommy, carried on to the porch, and fitted in my warm jacket while I looked outside.  The trees looked lovely, covered in a fluffy white substance, and the ground was covered with the same.  I then saw the cause of this beauty.  Little white flakes floated to the ground, spinning, drifting, dazzling white beauties, like hundreds of butterflies settling on the grass.

Daddy carried me down the steps and over the icy driveway.  These fluffy white flakes settled on my head, feeling cool, but not wet.  One touched my nose and tickled it with cold.

Then Daddy placed me on the white covered grass and holy bejeeburs!  At first my paws were cold, and then the beautiful white flakes melted under me, and my paws were wet and turning to ice. The flakes that hit me in the head melted  and then the wind hit me, freezing the flakes to my fur, and idiot Daddy pulled on my leash expecting me to perform.

Perform what?  My business?  Out here?  I am not some drunk outside a football stadium before kickoff filled with bratwurst and bruskies.  I may have arrived at my forever home with a tarnished reputation but since arriving I have been a proper lollipop and I was not flashing my most naughty bits in a winter wonderland.  

But Daddy pulled on my leash and spoke to me sharply telling me to go “pee pee” like the cold had tumbled him back to the first grade.  I spread my legs, pushed downwards, and began to urinate, when my naughty bits hit the cold and sent a shiver down my spine and throughout my body.

I was done.  This winter was not for me.  I had been trained on pee pads, and now I knew why, my Florida Mommy was preparing me for the harsh move up North.  The next time we went out Daddy bent down to leash me and I let loose right there on the porch, unsuccessfully trying to melt the rug.  After the next two times Daddy finally got the message.

Now there are pee pads on the porch for me.  Daddy gives me the option each time we go outside.  If the weather is acceptable I do my business, but if not, I turn and go on the pads.  

If the winter keeps up like this I will see you outside in April.  If you want to find my I’ll be at my pad.