River Assumes Foley's Position of Studying Dumb Humans Who Study Dogs

When Foley was with us on the mortal side of the River of Life she was fascinated with humans, and studied their study of us, which, laughably they always got wrong.  When I took her place in our pack she asked me to continue to monitor the studies of human studying dogs.

I have been somewhat negligent in my duties, but as fall begins to turn into what promises to be a harsh winter I decided to begin my studies of their studies, and I was shocked to find out that they are studying treats and how we are able to determine which humans have the tastiest treats.  Let me quote the study:

“In the study, dogs watched a man ask two women for some of their cornflakes. Both women gave the man cornflakes when he asked, but in response to one woman, the man enthused about how delicious the cornflakes were. In response to the other woman, he gave the cornflakes back and called them gross (in Spanish; the study was conducted in Argentina). After these interactions, the man left and an assistant holding the dog let the dog go. While many dogs didn't approach either cornflake-munching woman, the dogs that did have a preference tended to prefer the woman with the yummier cereal.”

The humans needed to do a study to show that we know which person has the tastiest treat?  Our whole live are based on treats.  Every single dog that has attended college hss written their thesis about treats.  Our parents could dress up like storm troopers, play the above game, and we could still find the yummy treats.

This is also from the study:  “They prefer people who give others food when asked over people who don't give others food.”  Prefer people?  Not correct.  We have absolutely no use for people who won’t give us food.  Let me stop you before you spend any more money on this study:  We prefer people with yummy food.  Our Moms could have told you this before you spent a cent on this study.

Also from the study:  “And in one study, dogs oriented toward crying people more often than toward talking or humming people. When they saw a stranger crying, they sniffed, nuzzled and licked the stranger.”  Well of course we do, we are your angels on Earth and our jobs are to make you happy.  Why wouldn’t we go to the crying person, unless the person next to them had treat.

The next time that a group of deep thinkers want to learn more about dogs they should save their money and ask our Moms about us.  They know more about us than any scientist ever could.  We operate on a love for them, and a love for treats.  Don’t need no study for that.