Dear Aunt Foley: What are you doing up there? Our house got hit by lightening. We lost our power and when that came back on we had no Internet, no cable, no water. Are you responsible for his and are you willing to make reparations? Plus I hate thunderstorms and during the last one I climbed in Mommy’s shirt and peed on her lap. Anyway that’s her story. Can you stop the thunderstorms in Florida? - Tashi
Dear Tashi: First let me speak for everyone here in the afterlife in apologizing for the lightening strike at your house. I don’t have any control of the lightning. Let me try to explain our complicated weather system to you.
The River is made up of the tears of, and for, the departed, and each day it gets bigger. At the end of the River the beavers work to make sure that the River does not flood our area of the Bridge so they must dump out a certain amount of water by turning a big faucet with their teeth and that opens up a sprinkler and unfortunately, because of the way the Earth is curved, that water if often emptied out over Florida.
Because it is a River there is often a lot of soot and mud in the water and it gets stuck in the pipes. The beavers are not the most patient of angels and they don’t like getting their paws dirty so, to unclog the pipes, they bang on them with big pipes which is what causes the thunder. The banging scares the lightning bugs who throw off bolts of light at the beavers. The bolts bounce off the pipes and can go in any direction. Unfortunately one hit your house and we are very sorry but glad no one was hurt.
Occasionally when someone is super bad we are allowed to throw lightning bolts at them but lightning is very hard to work with and we often miss. But I still advise Mr. Putin not to go outside too much.