Mommy says I am an excitable dog. I don’t know what she means. I think I am very calm, cool and what was that? Did you hear that? Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. Whatever it was is gone. Might have been a sasquatch.
Today we got a walk in the morning but it was hot. I was panting like an unspade dog in a puppy strip joint. I figured we would spend the rest of the day hanging out with the ac blowing on us and watching TV.
But Mommy has been working on refurbishing the porch and she wanted it done today. My parents began to put down a new carpet. There was a lot of cutting with sharp objects, measuring, then doing it all over again. Meanwhile, because of the sharp objects, River and I weren’t allowed on the porch, so we helped by standing on our back legs looking through the storm door window and barking. And barking. And barking. We barked them on so much their they begged us to stop barking because we were giving them too much confidence.
Then they pulled out our travel bags to move them from the porch and hang them in the hall closet. But you don’t pull our a dog’s travel bags without the intent to travel. We were convinced we were going for a ride and our anxiety kicked into overdrive.
We tripled our barking speed. Even when the bags were hung in the closet and the door shut we still barked. Mommy thought taking us out to pee might help so Daddy leashed us. We ran down the steps almost pulling him down, and then we ran back up causing him to slam into the side of the open screen door.
Now they were both angry, probably from working so hard on the rug. So they went into the jar of special treats. The treats that were supposed to make us “calm.” We got on our back legs and we begged for those treats, not because we wanted to be calm but because we knew what they would give us: The zooms.
We immediately began to run around the house faster and bark louder. We stood at the door as our parents finished working on the porch and we moved our feet like we were Tom Hanks and Robert Loggia playing Heart and Soul on the big piano. Finally, once the porch was done and our parents were clean we were ready to snuggle, and to dream about the next situation where we could get overly excited and get one of those calming treats.
Those things are like crack.