Thursday, May 5, 2016

Pocket and the Public Restroom


We have all had it happen.  We are with our parents in a store:  There are so many sights and smells, we become immersed in the scents, and we begin relaxing our muscles.  And then it happens.  We leak, or worse; we leave a butt deposit.  Chaos quickly ensues.

Our parents frantically begin looking for a clean up station.  The stations are always hidden around an inconvenient corner.  If our parents are together one of them must stay with us.  They are embarrassed and repeating the same lie all parents say in this situation. “He/She has never done this before.”  Oh, if we could talk:  “Sure I have, yesterday at Home Depot, right by the gnomes.”  If our parents are alone, they yank us across the floor in search of the clean up material praying no one steps in our gift to the shoppers.

When they reach the clean up station, if they are not empty, they find small, skimpy bags that barely hold my five-pound body’s poop, and thin, non-absorbent paper towels.  It takes 64 or these towels to clean up my pee.  If you are a normal sized dog, it takes a roll and a half.  When the parent is done, they bring over an orange cone, large enough to warn people of a sinkhole the size of Nicaragua, to warn people that I had a secretion, doing no good for the people wandering around with my precious bodily fluids on their shoes.

Thankfully there has been a breakthrough in dog poop and pee abatement.  Forward thinking businesses, like JFK airport in New York, have created doggy restrooms.  They come with a stretch of fake grass and a fire hydrant.  There are poop bags and a hose to clean the area when the dog is done.

I had to try one.  I had mommy drive me to the airport.  We got out and went right to the doggy restroom.  I looked around:  It was beautiful.  Then I assumed the position.

“Excuse me!” a large man with a badge stopped me mid squat.  “What is your name?”  I told him my name was Pocket.  “I am sorry Pocket, but this is the ladies’ dog restroom.  The men’s dog restroom is down the hall.

“But I am a girl!” I insisted.

“Do you have an original copy of your dog license?” the man in the suit asked.  “Pocket sounds like a boy’s name, and we can’t let boys and girls go to the same restroom.  It wouldn’t be right.”

“But we pee on the same rock in the park!” I said.

“What you do in the park is your business sicko but here at the airport we have rules.”

I told him I did not have a dog license.  “Then you are going to have to roll on your back and show me,” he said.

Who was the sicko here?  I refused to be humiliated because I had to pee.  I told him I would not use his precious bathroom and walked off in a huff.  Before I left, I peed on the people mover.  It was the closest I could come to peeing all over the airport.

Listen to me my friends:  If they want to make you show your privates, or your license, just to pee:  Go on the floor.

8 comments:

  1. BOL - you are cracking us up!!!

    Happy Cinco de Mayo!!!

    Woos - Ciara and Lightning

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  2. Mom had a real good laugh about this ......stella rose

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  3. We are seriously rolling on the floor laughing...and showing our doggie girl and boy parts.

    Misty and my minions

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  4. *Covers My mouth cause I am work, but the giggles are leaking out*

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  5. POCKET this is Fabulous advice... and we will take it to.... the Grass Mat... or the Carpet... THANKS!! Sorry the sicko wanted to see your Private Pawts... probably in training jto become a Dogtor.

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  6. Oh Pocket you are just too much!!
    hugs
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel

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  7. Oh Pocket... You have given my Mom such a laugh and made her Day.. You ask how do I know... Well, I had flown down from the Bridge to spend Mom's Day Weekend with her.. We were just sitting around enjoying each others company as she was reading your dilemma in the restroom..I read along with her and got to thinking about my trip to Home Depot with my Dad..I always would accompany him and found myself being the official greeter in the lumber Dept..I would sit and fluff my ears and show off my white flashing teeth... trying to look Gorgeous and like the Diva that I had been labeled with...But to no avail.. Our last visit to purchase lumber for Dad's woodworking projects came to a screeching haulte as we were stopped by a Firm Looking gentleman who announced that from the head guy..I believe they called him the manager, had said that no longer could an animal be allowed in the store..Dad immediately said he would like to speak to the manager..wasn't long before the smiling manager came around the corner,a grin on his face, looking at me and calling me by my name...Hi there Ladybug... I gave him my best coy look, stretched out my long lanky legs, showing him my recently done Pedicure with bright Pink nails.. I even shook my ears to fluff them out and show that I had also matching Pink Bows...He then assumed this manager LOOK and said that Ladybug could no longer help Dad pick out his lumber...I knew that it was nothing that I had done..so I poked Dad..."Ask him just why I THE DIVA", could no longer enter the establishment....Well, the manager said with THAT look on his face and said last week there had been a terrible accident involving a Dog that was new to the business..He had gotten very nervous..and we all know what happens then..and left a very large puddle and also a pile..a small pile I should add, in the middle of one of the aisls ..therefore some human children had run through and slipped..well...it wasn't pretty in any fashion and they had had to clean up through out the store as the kids were trying to find their parents....leave it up to "humans kids"..to mess things up.. I asked If they didn't have restrooms for just us dogs as you had spoken of Pocket..but no they hadn't even heard of them, but might look into that..I also added that in the event they eventually did have Pet restrooms that I had no intention of rolling or bending over in any obscene position to show what gender I was..and as for my license.. that is at home in a safe place and only showed if necessary..So that is my story about NO ANIMALS ALLOWED... I doubt that anyone would leave their furchild out on the side walk in the elements...but just in case.... I never saw any signs that said NO PETS ARE ALLOWEd TO RELIEVE THEM SELVES ON THIS PROPERTY...I will Sign off now Pocket..Keep up the Good Work.... ANGEL LADYBUG

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  8. Good Job Pocket! Golden Kisses, Enzo

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